Every morning I wince before looking at my phone. Will I have a full staff today? What problems happened while I was sleeping? Did my son also need me? Did I forget to pay a vendor? Did my mother need something? What…. more can I do?
I don’t remember my parents being busy like parents are today…I don’t remember the weariness…but maybe they were better at hiding it then we are.
I’m tired of people being sick. I’m tired of people being flakey. I’m tired of people not pulling their weight. I’m sick of cleaning up messes…I’m tired of being the person that fixes all the things. I’m tired of planning meals until I die..I’m tired. I’m just tired.
I feel absolutely pulled in a million different places. I’m a mom, a homeschool Mom. I’m a wife, a retail store owner, a soap maker, a plant lover and sometimes a clown. I feel that I fail at everything right now.
Friday, I woke up to the world spinning….and severe stomach cramps….extremely nauseous and waiting for my head to quit pounding. Two days later it finally stopped.
Sometimes, your body just makes you stop…no matter that you want to keep going. No matter you have a ton to do…it just doesn’t care. At times, we feel that we are invincible….that nothing can stop us…and then it does.
How amazing to find that the world kept existing without my holding it together. The sun came up and the sun went down. Life continued and no one barely noticed that I wasn’t around.
We all become so consumed with how important we are. That no one else can do all the things that we do…the correct and right way we do them. Then, all of a sudden…it happens…though it might have been done better…it still got done.
The store kept going, the laundry got done, the band still played…no clowning events were scheduled and dinner still happened.
So many times we think we have to do it all…and if we don’t, we are failures. Sometimes, our bodies just say…enough, and we have no choice but to listen.
Everyone I spoke to about my sudden illness….said the same thing…”stress”. When I say…i got this…and this…and even more of this. But my body says…you need a break. It’s been over three years since I have taken a seven day vacation not work related…and it’s starting to show.
Today, I watched tv….watered my plants, cleaned my kitchen and pulled some weeds….and I have never felt so revived….this weekend….its camping time….and I’m ready for it!
The Reluctant Red Nose 