So, yesterday I was able to finally take down my Christmas Decor….and I have to tell you that it was so awesome. I only have 11 boxes of decor now….and I have to tell you that I’m so sad that it has taken me so long to figure that out….that less is more. That my house still looks just as amazing with 11 boxes of decor, as it did with almost 50 boxes of decor. Our Christmas is still magical…and my kids are just as happy….in fact, they are happier….because we are done with putting up decor in two hours….instead of all day. The decor still sits on the front porch, along with our Christmas lights (and they will stay as long as we have zero to below zero weather). Today….began our trip to Ikea (its been two years) and it was just as lovely as always. I never have enough time….but I had a list….and I stuck to it. My daughter has outgrown her cute little chair….and we needed supplies for starting up with school again. It was a worthwhile trip…and one that I enjoyed with my girl!
On my way home….I was reflecting on how that today was the last day that probably I would have two kids in the car….going on an errand with me. We had stopped at KC strings to have my daughters violin serviced…and again we had been asked the question that stops everyone in their tracks….”Where do you go to school?”…..my daughters sweet voice “I am homeschooled.” The look….we all know the look….and we hold our breath….yes….I make my own soap…and sometimes my own bread…but my kids are used to speaking to other people….and we let them out of the basement every once in awhile (please note that that is sarcasm) 🙂
I was realizing today….the things that I have not done with my daughter….that I missed with my son….and guilt….it washes over me almost daily.
Guilt…all these amazing activities that I am not able to take my daughter to…is she missing out? I’m called to our place of business..so there is only so much free time that I have. The other days we are doing school, or working on charity work….or participating with church activities, or her beloved American Heritage Girls….and I say to myself…how could I possibly fill this up with more?
I look at my son….he is finishing his last year of school at the local public school….I think about all the mistakes I have made. I should have had him work harder in math, or do more in writing….I didn’t have him read enough….or this or that….and the guilt continually goes on.
Here’s the truth….we as homeschool Moms have this constant need to never feel happy. We feel that we have to work harder than anyone else. We feel guilty that our kids might not possibly be social enough, or work hard enough in school…..we didn’t join enough clubs…or we needed to drive an hour away for our kids to get in a better sports program. I say UNCLE!
I as a parent….taught my kid to read, do math, write in an expressive and grammatically correct manner. My child knows how to clean bathrooms, clean his room and drive. He can balance a checkbook, he makes good grades….and he doesn’t seem to be socially damaged. He can argue effectively….seems to have a good head on his shoulders….owns up to his mistakes….and seems to want to do the right thing.
Perhaps I should have spent more time going over music and art appreciation. I should have spent more time reading more books and learning more in literature….I should have started with a better tutor for math….I should have allowed him to go to a public school two years earlier than I did….or maybe I should not have??? I will never know. I look at my daughter…and wonder if I should focus more on this or that…or put her in more activities..
I am never happy….I feel this urge to constantly have people say….you did it! You did a great job….but why? Why do I feel this urge….this need….this panic????
My theme for this year….is “Just Breathe”
When we do school each day and enjoy our curriculum…..I’m just going to breathe. When my son goes to school and decides on the college and his major….and goes off to school in his car….and waves goodbye to me….I’m just going to breathe. When my daughter gets up in front of her American Heritage Girls troop and runs to the front like I’ve never taught her how to walk properly….I’m just going to breathe. When she stands up with her violin and performs for her recital….I’m just going to breathe. When my son runs for track….I’m just going to breathe.
There are no gold medals given to Moms on the sidelines…..only to our kids…..and my value and worth….is not in how well my kids have done in life.
I as a homeschool parent have done things to the best of my ability and knowledge at the time I had the decision and time to do so. If I could go back…there are things that I would change….but there are many that I would not.
The best days of homeschooling….was when I decided to learn about composers…and I would read about them as they would color the pictures of the composers and we would listen to classical music….they became close to one another…and truly learned a lot. It wasn’t anything at all that we had to do….it was just something that I wanted to achieve. The beauty of homeschooling comes in the times that I have decided….to Just Breathe.
To my fellow homeschool Moms….we got this….Just Breathe.
The Reluctant Red Nose 