This year, 2018…..I will be married to my man for 15 years. I will watch my firstborn son walk across the stage and become an Eagle Scout. I will get to see him walk across the stage at a huge Civic Arena and receive his high school diploma….and then later this year, he will go to college.
Tonight while going through videos to find more training tapes for our employees I ran across our wedding video. I guess it’s something about second marriages….my first wedding tape was in a special case, along with my amazing wedding pictures blah blah blah. I didn’t even know someone was taking a video of it. It literally was taken by my husbands family and I was thrilled that we had something. My first wedding, I had a videographer (who happened to like my bridesmaids more than me) but that’s a different story for a different day. I watched my wedding video….and marveled at my awesome skinny body…..my son being three and my husbands daughters were 9 and 7 😳!!! Could not even get over how dark my husbands hair was (before we went through three teens, Lord Jesus help us).
What was funny on the video is watching your 20 something self….wow…..I was sure I knew everything. Watching it, I just wanted to grab my younger self and shake her….but….She probably wouldn’t have listened anyway.
Life beats us up….but I wouldn’t change who I am for what I have learned. I wouldn’t take the me that was in the video and traded places with her….I needed to become who I am now…and to do that….I needed to walk through some things.
15 years…..seems like forever…..seems like just a second. I know what he’s thinking from across the room. I know when to approach and when to stay away. I know when he is ready to play music….I know how long he takes to respond to a question I ask….his long pauses….I’m used to them. I know that he’s going to leave messes in certain places and when I clean them up I’m probably not going to put things back where he wants them. I’ve been known to put away sandwich making things…while he’s making the sandwich 😳. He is brilliant, he is able to understand things that my mind cannot. He pushes me to be more than I thought possible. When I want to veg out or just be an introvert and stay home….he encourages me to do something different. He is the adventurer….I’m the timid follower. He finds exciting places and out of the way places to go to that I don’t have the courage to try. He thinks up songs and jewelry designs that I could never begin to imagine. He has taught our son to debate with facts and not feelings. He has taught me to look at all angles, instead of just one. He has encouraged our daughter to be an amazing artist, to play her violin outside the box….to “feel” the music. He has guided all our children in making decisions….never pushing them…just offering different options. He has taught them to memorize scripture, to have a relationship with God, and to know to always seek His guidance.
I know when his feet ache…that getting in the eliptical is therapy for him, and he hates to watch a lot of tv. I know that he hates paperwork and I will always be the one that buys our plane tickets and books our hotel. He will always be the one to lift my ridiculous suitcases and make me laugh through security and hold my hand because…yes…I’m terrified to fly. I always count the exits etc. He never laughs at my insanity for hand sanitizer (maybe a little). I will always go to the DMV and get our tags….and he will always be the one that negotiates price when purchasing anything….because we all know that I stink at having a “poker face”. I have yet to learn that a salesman is not really my friend.🤦♀️
I know that loud restaurants and bad customer service can get both of us in the worst mood. We prefer quality over quantity….but boy do I ❤️ my TJ Maxx. He loves to play guitar but really enjoys the songs that make you think….he’s very shy….but once you get him talking….he’s good to go. He has a great sense of humor…..but hates stupidity and arrogance. I make him most proud when I clown at some of the local retirement homes….and he’s my biggest fan.
We have turned a small business into a pretty sweet business that we are both proud to call our own.
He is very frugal…..and I’m trying my best to get there….each year I’m better.
Our marriage isn’t perfect. He can get on my last nerve….but 15 years….Wow….
Some ask me what makes marriage work….I answer that it’s work….for both of us….annoying habits that each of us have…completely overlooking them and trying to make each other be our best selves.
It’s amazing that when you look at someone you love so much…and you decide to take things that you had rather throw back at them…for the fact that you just love them. I will pick up that forgotten dirty bowl , clean up your mess in the kitchen….and put up with things that make me want to scream….because….Marriage is not about 50/50. I don’t have a scale of where I weigh what he has done versus what I have done….I just do. I don’ t always do it with a happy heart….sometimes I don’t feel like doing extra nice things for him, but I also know sometimes he doesn’t feel like doing all the awesome things for me he does.
I love him more now than I did 15 years ago….but I also know that marriage isn’t just something you can leave alone….it’s like my yoga (which I have greatly ignored) to get good at it, you must work at it….all the time!
The Reluctant Red Nose 