When I first got married to my first husband over 20 years ago…I was super excited. I was going to be the best wife ever. I went to Ladies Bible studies to find out how….and they talked about organizing your trash bags under your sink? Since we were newly married and poor (paying off his college debt and he was going to seminary) there were only two sizes….kitchen and yard trash bags…..and all theses years later…I have to admit….I still only have two sizes (not sure what I missed 😳)
I have remarried….my first husband was killed in a car accident almost 16 years ago….and I have been remarried for almost 15 (judge ahead if you’d like).
When I remarried, we had to deal with lots of things that most people do not have to deal with. We had to deal with kids from other marriages and his ex wife….and there was just a lot of junk in both of our lives that we had to work on. To say it was hard would be an understatement. Gut wrenching, almost gave up on….who cares I already failed once anyway kind of attitude going on.
However, after the first child went to college and the second one left home….and now the third one with one foot out and the other foot soon to follow….I can honestly say we are even closer than we ever were.
We watch movies where people say they aren’t even interested in their spouse and haven’t been for years??? That hurts my heart to read that!
I can honestly tell you that we are crazy for each other. There is no bigger cheerleader I have in all the world than him. There is no one who pushes me like he does. I still go nuts when he walks in a room…and when I walk into a room and our eyes meet…I know exactly what he’s thinking.
Am I crazy that there are so many people our age who don’t feel that way about each other that it makes me sad? Is it crazy that we enjoy each other the way we do?
Don’t get me wrong….we fight….we disagree….but I assure you that we are both saddened that there aren’t more that feel the way we do.
Perhaps it’s the church that holds some blame? I used to go to Bible studies but would be completely outraged by the discussions of other wives constantly complaining about their horrible husbands and how awful it was to be them. I didn’t hear anyone take them aside…I just heard others join in and contribute to the conversation in negative ways….now adding what their husbands did. Let me be real clear here….I have said things about my husband in private that I should not have said…but never in a public forum.
When I was in charge of a college class I would have discussions with the girls about how to treat their husbands. I really wanted them to understand what a powerful role they play. As a wife, you have the power to uplift or tear down. To encourage or to discourage…to empower or make them feel worthless. When I’m empowered by my husband because he seees all that I can offer the world…I find that even if I was going to be uncomfortable or appear silly to the world….that my job that I have been given is the most important and I’m the only one to do it. Let me tell you….as a clown that is hard to have someone who makes you feel that special. When I empower him…he can do things he never felt the courage to do…he has actually told me this. Because I believed in him….he also believed in himself.
For 15 years….I have been with this man who has seen the good the bad and the very ugly….and he has stayed…and not only has he stayed….but we have thrived. I believe that date night and finding common interests have helped us. I also believe that children leaving the nest has helped. None of them are bad children….but it is nice in any family, when your kids start leaving the nest and we can concentrate on each other and our interests instead of several children.
I don’t have all the answers….and we are not perfect. Our marriage isn’t perfect and we have spats….but I can honestly say…I believe that we are more madly in Love now…than we ever have been….and I don’t need a marriage retreat to tell me that.😍
The Reluctant Red Nose 