It’s late….I should be in bed….but my back is killing me. I have an early doctors appointment which I have literally put off for three years…and I would like to extend another year. However, the painting I’ve been doing and yard work are catching up to me.
So far this past week I have conquered a 5k Color Run, Mother’s Day Dinner (with the help of hubby and children), and two birthdays. I can sleep at night now, with my Lists complete for my sons graduation party….and I actually made appointments for massages, pedicures and nails before we go on our biggest business trip of the year.
To say I’m tired is an understatement. However, I look around and all of us seem to be working at the same neck breaking speed. I also recently completed my third jewelry class which now gives me the title of AJP (assistant jewelry professional) and now I have four classes more to take to become a graduate of colored stones and then eventually possibly studying to become a graduate gemologist (but I’m not sure my little brain can handle that).
Lately, as we are at the end of one child’s journey at home…I’ve been contemplating lots of things…family, friends and church….and it’s left me frankly….in a very bad mood.
For instance, when someone calls you and says that they are sorry for offending you, but they don’t know what they did wrong….what is your response? When someone tells you that they can’t possibly show up or help you with something (even though they have a valid excuse) what is your response? When someone tells you they can definitely help you with something….not once….but twice and twice they fail (again, for a very good reason) what is your response?
Lately I can tell you…my forgiveness doesn’t always extend how far I wish for my shortcomings to be overlooked…and perhaps I’m too judgemental with others….while overlooking the same discrepancy in my own life.
I long to be someone who shows up when I say…but sometimes I have a very sick kid, or I myself am sick and don’t feel that I should spread germs to those I’m trying to encourage…and perhaps when I actually tell that to places I volunteer at that they feel the same way…perhaps they doubt my word…because frankly….it’s common.
It’s more common to decide that your coming to a wedding, potluck, graduation party at the last minute without letting anyone know your coming.
As a host of a big party coming up this Saturday, I already have a number of people that I think will show up and I’ve bought my food accordingly. Most people will not even tell me they are coming….and sometimes I have also been this person….because sometimes I simply don’t know…and instead of disappointing them…I just remain vague…non committal.
We show up to doctors appointments, lessons, tutoring and job interviews late…we apologize…we have good reasons….but nevertheless, we keep people waiting….and it’s more than common.
We don’t write thank yous, and if we do they are always late…
We don’t develop relationships because simply….we are tired. Right now….I could go a month without going to one more party…and smile at one more kid….and think about one more birthday…🤪…..I just want to go somewhere where I can make soap and listen to the birds sing and no loud noises….but that reality is not mine sadly.
I don’t want to be a person that everyone is surprised that they show up on time. I do t want to be the person that no one can rely on….where they have to have a backup….because they are afraid I won’t show up. I don’t want to be the one that is late for work and all the work is done when I get there.
I want to be the rock that someone knows will show up and they can rest easy because I said I would do it and it’s done ….I want to be the Clown that they know will be there and they do n’t even have to think twice about it. I want to be the one that shows up on time and doesn’t leave people doing what I should have been helping with. I don’t want to be the one where we joke about how late they will be and place bets.
I want to be the person who is counted on, relied upon….and where frankly….the buck stops.
May we all push ourselves to do more for others…like show up when we should…..even though we don’t feel like it.
The Reluctant Red Nose 