So, about a month….maybe more….my sister called me and told me that we had yet again, another sister with breast cancer. We now knew that it must be genetic and panic hit me.
My first sister that had breast cancer had two very aggressive forms of cancer that are estrogen fed. My second sister has a very aggressive cancer as well and hers is stage 3. She also had a double mastectomy and they found precancerous cells in the other breast that the mammogram didn’t even show as a problem at all. So….again….me….panic.
This particular sister that has cancer…has always eaten well, took care of herself….and quite frankly….was the poster child for hippie type foods. She was not perfect….but compared to this 40 something year old sister writing this…who would rather just have a cupcake with that coffee in the morning…she was WAY better than me.
My two sisters had their cancers show up at about the same age….and even though my first sister has been cancer free for almost six years I believe…its still very concerning.
I have decided that I do not want the test at all…I don’t want to find out if I have that gene….because I think that either way…I will think that I’m doomed…or have a false security that could change at any minute. With my mortality suddenly so changed….its caused me to look at life way way differently.
First of all….I’m somewhat a simple girl….not so simple that I could live in the teeniest tiny house with just the necessities and nothing else (but boy wouldn’t that be less stressful).
After my son moved out and went to college…the purging of this house has been on a whole new level….if we haven’t used it yet…when will we….so away it goes! Its been making me second guess everything. Why do I feel the need to constantly buy new and more….and why do we waste so much money on eating out?
I want to go sailing on the weekends with my husband, and my daughter and my dog. I want to watch the sun rise and the sun set. I want to experience smelling the ocean, and experience a Broadway play. I want to swim in the ocean again…and I want to see all my friends that I haven’t seen because we have been to busy. I want to perfect my favorite hobby and be one of the best clowns there are (crazy I know). I want to get all my jewelry certifications and be able to go to jewelry shows and know what I’m talking about. I want to be able to make the forgotten laugh…and the disabled dance with me and smile like they have in the past. I want to make every moment count. I want to sit around and enjoy every speck of life….I don’t want to waste it with being consumed about how perfect everything in my house is. How many followers i have on social media….and if Better Homes and Gardens is going to do a tour of my home (don’t get me wrong that would be AMAZEBALLS) but very unlikely!
I just want what everyone on this planet wants….to make every moment count…to know that when your time is up….that you made it count….you were in it…to win it.
The Reluctant Red Nose 