Oh my goodness! It’s been a ridiculous amount of time since I have had time to write….I fear this post…might just seem ridiculously long…and have lots and lots of ups and downs and “turn aroundie thingys” as I always like to say at the “roundabouts”.
This summer has been full…its been busy. I have lived at our store quite a lot. We had vacations to cover for, for our employees, and sickness, and training of new employees…and it just was a bit insane. We did swim team (which was a wonderful time) and horse riding lessons (which we are still doing) and well…we just had busy days. We prepared my son for college as best as we could….he was just ready to go…and realized after he was at college that maybe he should have taken ol dear Mom up on her shopping trips….but we all think we are amazing when we are 18 don’t we? He’s getting settled and loving college life….and stressing about grades and classes…and all the good things he should be stressing about.
When my son left for college…we were both ready. He has been gone a lot from home for at least a year. His Senior year was spent with track, and orchestra and football games, and work…lots of work….so really….I hardly ever saw him anyway. Last year consisted of scholarship prep, getting ready for college and wrapping up Eagle project, and lots of other things…to have that year behind us, is quite frankly…..a relief. I waited up late lots of nights…waiting for him to get home from work….we argued about curfew, we argued about his car, cleaning his room, cleaning his car…washing his clothes…spending eternity in the bathroom…Note: our water bill is now significantly less :). He WAS READY TO GO…..and frankly so was I. It was just that time in our relationship, where all of us need to just make our own decisions…and let the dust settle where it may.
My favorite days….are like today….when he called me and talked to me for about ten minutes (that is a treasured amount of time) He wanted to ask my opinion….and for me…frankly….nothing could make me happier.
Are we raising our kids to be completely paralyzed….so much so…that they cannot make a decision without us helping them make it? My eldest stepdaughter when she was getting ready for college, she told us about kids who wouldn’t even fill out their scholarships….they made their parents do it????? I didn’t fill out any scholarships for any of our kids. Nor did I register them for college, take care of their transcript info, decide on there meal plan. I didn’t choose their major, their classes, their computer, nor did I register where they would live. I didn’t take care of his summer welcome…or how to pay his bill. He did it all….and that’s how I was raised. Don’t get me wrong…I nagged at him to raise his ACT, asked if he had any scholarships, nagged him to graduate with honors….and nagged him to get his Eagle Scout….and nagged him to save money. I was also the “only Mom in the world who charged her son for car insurance and cell phone money.” 🙂
For college, I did purchase his comforter, towels, television and all his things to make him comfortable at school….and then I told him….that would be it…besides a care package every once in awhile….he was on his own…period.
When it doubt of your parental skills….ask yourself this…What is it exactly that you want for your child? Do you want them to be able to make friends by themselves? Or is that something you need to be involved in while they are at college? Do you want them to be able to purchase a football ticket, if they would like to go to the school game? Or is that something you feel you need to help them with? Do you want them to be able to wash their own clothes, or come home to you every weekend? Do you want them to be able to move their car from the parking lot on game day and be able to find their way back to the dorm, or do you need to help them do that? Do you find it acceptable to give them a meal plan for over $1,500 to belong to a special club….or do you realize that is not reality, and if that’s something they do want to do they should be able to work for it themselves? Do you feel that when they move into the dorm that it should be like a Pottery Barn Teen makeover….or are you more comfortable with Ikea or Target? Do you feel that Starbucks every day is a need or a special treat? Do your kids know how to get themselves out of bed each day and shower, feed themselves, and figure out they might need to clean? I ask this….because these are questions that my sons classmates are asking….and my only response is…to feel just a wee bit better about how I raised him.
Oh I promise you, he’s messy…and we did get him up his senior year twice when he almost slept too late. We made him pay for his car when he had a wreck, and we made him call the doctor and hair lady for appointments. I’m not a perfect parent….and whatever mistakes he makes at school and his adult life…are all on him…and whatever successes he makes…those are all his as well. I’m only asking that we as parents…try our hardest to make our kids independent. Trust me, I wanted to run down to his dorm room and organize everything….but instead….I made some suggestions…and we were done in his room in 45 minutes. He put his clothes all wrong (and it was KILLING me) but I let it be. I made sure he knew where everything was….and just like I knew he would…he went and bought something I had already gotten because he couldn’t find it….but now he has even more trash bags….so yeah!!!
So, the question is….are you raising a snowflake….or a kids that can make his own decisions without having to be helped every single step of the way? Its so hard to not do everything for them….but we must fight the urge!
Good luck!
The Reluctant Red Nose 