StepMom and Clothes

I’ve decided to have a couple of blog posts based on questions that I have been asked about after my blog post last week on being a step Mom.

I first of all, want to make it clear…that I’m a very slow learner…but there are some things that we learned that we wished we would have known earlier.

We had very young children going into this..we had a 3 yr old, a 7 yr old and a 9 yr old. We were dealing with a Mom, Dad, stepmom and stepdad, and stepbrothers on two sides…it was crazy!!!

The most important lesson I can tell you is…when you find yourself about to lose your mind about the socks…it’s normally not just about the socks….but we turn it into that…because that’s all we can control.

Our schedule was insane and frankly, I don’t know why the judge ever agreed to it. The girls were with us every Monday night…but had to be back at their Moms by 9 pm every OTHER Monday night. The girls were with us every Thursday night. They were with us every OTHER Friday night…but had to be at their Mothers house by 10. They were with us every OTHER Saturday night (we got them at 4, and then they had to be back at their Mothers by 6 or 8??? I really can’t remember that one for sure…so it was nuts for sure.

So, there was no way for clothes to just be left at our house. We tried sending a laundry bag, where the girls would just put their dirty clothes from our house into the bag…but their mother wouldn’t allow that. I had dress shoes at our house and they were not allowed to go to their mothers because we never got them back…sometimes my husband would let them take them…and as they got older they would sometimes remember to bring them back. Nice dresses were not allowed out of our house whenever possible. When the girls were old enough we just reminded them to get them back to our house without any washing.

Winter coats were lost at their mothers every year. I finally just bought them on sale the previous winter and would size up. Socks were another big issue…I finally just started buying a new sock each month. The girls needed socks and yelling about it wasn’t helpful…but I promise you…I did yell about it.

In looking back at it…I just became a smart shopper.::buying things on clearance as much as possible…because I knew it would be lost or shrunk…and honestly when the girls got older we gave them a clothing allowance. This would cover their clothes and shoes and undergarments. Since they knew how much everything was…they would start bringing their laundry to my house to be washed…as they started driving..they would get ready at our house…and a lot of these issues went away by themselves.

Now as adults they have their own houses…and for Christmas each year, they still get socks and underwear in their stockings and probably will until the end of time.

I know dear stepmom, that this feels endless. That this feels as if it will never end…and this Thorn in the flesh will never subside…but it will. It really will.

The arguments about socks and underwear and ruined dresses and lost coats..arguments about child support AND now having to buy these things again….I promise you, I’ve had them. In the end…you may be soo right…but the children still need a warm coat and they still need socks and underwear…and we still need responsible parents.

Don’t stand there in front of your stepchildren and say things about their birth parent to them that is unfavorable. If you want to scream to your husband that you just bought socks two weeks ago and they are all gone…well I don’t recommend it…but it’s better than yelling at the children.

Let your husband have the conversation with the other parent…stay out of it , no matter what. Getting involved will not help your husband…and after he gets off the phone with the other parent…it’s best for you to not ask questions…not engage…not nag for him to hear yet again…leave….it….alone. If you have to…go for a run…or whatever…but remember it is never just about the socks.

Have a great day! Remember, I’m pulling for ya!