Mother’s Day

I am grateful to be a mother, and grateful to still have my mother on the planet to share this day with.

My list of blessings Is very long…my list of hangups is even longer.

Today, I was sad/annoyed that the university my son attends had such a ridiculous long Christmas Break, that they still have a week left of finals before they will even be home. Just so you know, I’m not one of those mother’s who has a cow if she doesn’t see her son every month…I am not. On purpose, we waited to see him u til Thanksgiving, because we wanted him to adjust. He came home for the longest Christmas Break ever…went back to college in the middle of January…and I didn’t see him again, until I went down there in April…so…I’m not a needy parent…but Mother’s Day…well…it stunk.

I also did the examining pitfall of Instagram and Facebook…with everyone and their perfect squares…and their perfect amount of kids…evenly spaced…which I couldn’t even do that right. My kids are seven years apart…and in between them is enough sadness and tears and heartache for a very long book…but in the end…it’s what it is…and there is nothing perfect about it.

I grew up with a large group of friends…I would say easily there was 7-10 of us (maybe more). I always took it for granted…until I moved almost two hours away. After I moved two hours away, I was insanely busy with now being a business owner, and a mother to one and a stepmother to two.::and a husband that also needed my attention. My husband and I like to call our first year of marriage the “hell year” because it absolutely was every bit of hell. We were so naive merging a home renovation and merging three kids together…it makes my head hurt looking back…so I wasn’t concerned with not having friends.

By the time that I was finally getting life together…I realized that I had lost touch with my high school buddies and college buddies…and even though we have started back to small connections, it’s not like what it used to be. I’m still hoping for a reunion again soon.

I have found that we as women…are frankly…horrible to each other. I have personally left my own experiences out there for people to learn or take my advice…or whatever they feel like doing…and I’ve been told I was wrong..not informed…should have paid more attention. I’ve bent over backwards for employees…to see it blow up in my face. Dedicate my life to being an example to those women much younger than me…and my good was evil spoken of.

So what do we do? Do we stay away from all women (it’s not to hard) and live a life of seclusion? Have “surface” friendships??? I would say…that’s what many of us have done…and I’m not judging…I’m right there with ya.

I go to church, smile at people…say a few peoples names…simg praise and worship…listen to the sermon…leave…and I’ve done exactly that for three years…and frankly, I don’t ever see that changing. I go to our homeschool groups…chat with a few ladies…then if it’s an event that I have to stay at…I’m either teaching…or sitting in my car working…I’m not really “socializing” I’m not sure if this makes me a very bad person….or if I’m in some “survival” mode.

If the last year has proven anything to me…it’s that people do not change, no matter what they say.

We as women…love to tear down…spread lies…and make sure that we always come out on top. We can’t just leave things alone…if someone is prettier, more successful…we smile to their face…and write hateful things or say hateful things behind their backs. We encourage no one. We cover each other.::try and have carbon copies of houses of each other…and when someone has more followers or likes or whatever…we we think up whatever we can…just to see them fail.

I never see it more obvious than Mother’s Day. Many of us have pictures like this….

I remember it…my kids had to look perfect, have color coordinating outfits…and I was a barrel of fun until we got the perfect shot…after 40…I just really didn’t care anymore.

Why do we as mothers measure our success with our kids success? My children will do what they are going to do…no matter how amazing of a parent I was.

When my son was a toddler, we had containers with pictures of our toys…he would pick them all up every day perfectly. He loved to put his clothes in his dresser, he loves bath time…he hugged and kissed me always…and was the perfect Napper.

Three weeks ago, he showed me his dorm room(he knew I was coming) and as he showed it to me…he replied “it’s not THAT bad” I kid you not…a small animal would have been lost forever in it…the only comfort I got, was the young man he shared his room with, was just as messy…

Does this mean I’m a failure as a parent? No, it means my son decided to be less organized and neat than I made him be while he lived here…and that’s ok (until he comes home 😬😜) I can sit here and brag about all our kids…and I can also sit here and tell you all our mistakes…I can tel you different things worked for different kids…and we made mistakes with all four.

Raising humans is the hardest job on the planet…suffering alone with trying to figure out if we did it right…is even harder. I know many feel this way…but we all seem to still let the “mean girls” win…

We need to stand up and fight for each other..:encourage one another…admit when we feel like we are sinking into a pit of despair.

I actually admitted that three weeks ago…and I had people who I never thought would step up…pull me up out of a very dark place…this world is hard and mean…and nothing is as hurtful as when good people who do good things…get trampled…when we realize that no matter how hard we try…we will never fit in…when we are made fun of for being different, being successful…or just trying our best.

So…my tribe will never be 7 or 10 girls anymore…rooting me forward…my tribe is still there…but in smaller numbers. I also never know who it’s going to be…I don’t have a “go to” group….I wish I did, but I don’t…I just keep praying…that when the dark clouds roll in…God will urge those that know me..:to come and help pull me out of the depths…and I pray that when the Holy Sprit nudges me…that I will listen…because we are all on the same team…and most of us…just want to make it to the finish line…with a lot less loss of blood, and a lot less tears…I’m rooting for ya…whose with me?!