45

I remember in college, how old that sounded…I mean, it was like soooo old.

I know that had I known what life would bring me…I probably would have run far away.

I look back at my life then as a college student…not sure what I wanted…completely in love with a man who I thought would be the answer to all my dreams…but he wasn’t…and I learned a lot from that…that relationship brought me a beautiful baby boy…

Who just completed his first year of college, himself.

It taught me how to grow up…and learn what true love really is….

It taught me that having a man that loves you and wants the best for you, is all you need. To have both of you wanting the best for each other…not selfishly making the other person work for you.

At 46, I have been married twice, buried a husband, raised a son, help raise two stepdaughters, and have been blessed with my own daughter and help my husband grow our business and accomplish a few things on the side…

Clowning has allowed me to cross paths with so many people…and I’m so grateful for it all.

The kids that I have taught, the people that I have met…I can’t imagine a moment without it.

I doubt that the last day I draw breath on this earth, that the earth will stop spinning…or that really to many people will be impacted…but I do know that a few will be…I hope so.

I hope to be just halfway done…and there are a lot of things left that I want to do…but I’m very blessed. This world and people get me down…

But I have so much to be thankful for!

There are days where this life will beat you up. Where people will speak evil of you…there will be days and days of no praise…and sometimes…your good will be evil spoken of.

There will be days when people will pass by you and steal your ideas as their own…they will forget all the kind things you did for them. They will tell others lies…but look for the ones that no one sees…the forgotten, the lonely…turn off the microphones and the cameras…put the phone down..:be vulnerable…be real…put yourself out there…and try again.

I will never be rich (don’t think I want to be) I will never be popular, or claimed as gorgeous…but can I please…be called kind…can I please be called trustworthy, honest…can I be called a keeper of secrets…can I be counted on, known to be on time. Will I ever be known as positive, funny, and welcoming? I will never be known as highly intelligent…but can I please be a good teacher, a helper to those who need me…can I be a person who can sit with the broken??? Can I speak wisdom in silence by actions…can I just listen and be still…can I have more time…more time to learn the ukele so I can go to nursing homes and cancer units. Can I have more time to read all the books I’m trying to read…can I have more time with my children…can I sit with my parents longer? Can I laugh more? Can I tell more jokes? Can I kiss my daughters forehead more before she goes to sleep each night? Can I rewind the clock to tuck my son into bed and read him The Giant Caterpillar just one more time…and listen to his little voice tel me he loves me. Can I watch my husband’s eyes light up when he hears the beat of our unborn daughter’s heartbeat when we found out we were having a girl? Can I rewind to the time he saw me coming down the aisle in my wedding dress?

Because it the end…it’s the memories, the people, the impact, the way you made people feel when you were around that matters. Do people groan or smile when they see you coming?

My story isn’t over….May the remaining chapters be as rich as the beginning.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️