Orchard

I was going to start this blog post…sharing our adventure to the apple orchard…but how boring is that? We’ve been going to the same apple orchard for about sixteen years.

Then I thought, I could show pictures about how quickly my children have grown…because we are down to one now…but again, how boring is that? Like we all need more pictures in this world with mothers crying over their children’s lost childhood…not..:me…..please.

So I thought I would talk about why I’m up at almost midnight…when I have a long day of work ahead of me…and I’m feeling guilty for all the things a mom feels guilty for…and I have no solution.

I own a business with my husband. This business has been quite successful the last four years. We have seen great growth. We have seen a lot of tears with that growth. It’s always very difficult to find the people to help sell the product and offer proper customer service…which our society just doesn’t seem to really ask for anymore.::most of us just expect bad service. One of our main objectives when we remodeled, was to create a store that makes people comfortable, yet they have a great experience…and we have found some great employees that do that on a daily basis. Yet…I still need more people…good people. So, I sit here…scanning through applications…trying to find someone who might fit the mold…going through the schedule, trying to give my employees off what they need and give them the hours that they want…and I sit here…kind of mad.

I’m annoyed, upset, sad…and discouraged. Why is it so difficult to find people who want to work? To show up on time!? To be dependable?

As this school year started…I purposely said no to things, because I wanted to spend more time with my daughter, doing projects…and really diving into her curriculum…but instead…I’m giving instruction…and leaving her to accomplish it…and not being there for every second of the day…and then I had a moment of enlightenment!

Perhaps, this season (which we knew would be busy) will be a time that my daughter can thrive…I’ve already seen it happening in just the few times that I’ve been called away..and I feel a little silly. We as Moms out this pressure on ourselves…that no one else but us can do these things that we do.

I used to completely lose my mind when my kids would help fold clothes. They weren’t done badly…they were just not done how I would Do them. My husband taught them his way…and well, my way is better.😬

Last month…I was overwhelmed with so many things…we had just gotten a brand new washing machine…and I was explaining how to use it to my daughter…I was annoyed because it would have been easier for me to just do it myself…but today..that same kid…washed and dried and folded and put away all her own clothes…which then allowed me to grade all her schoolwork and go over things that I wanted her to see…and we were able to plan for tomorrow.

I struggle with this so much!! I want to be a good Mom…bake them cookies and great dinners..clean house and make their favorites. Hang up their laundry color coded and straighten their dresser drawers…but real life isn’t that for me. Once or twice a week it is…but not the normal every day life.

We have lessons, we have errands, we have play times…and we have volunteering…and I have yet for anyone I know to knock on my door and ask to see how I folded my T-shirt’s, or if my socks are rolled perfectly. I have yet for anyone to check the dust on my lamps, and check to see if there is a speck of dirt on my floors…I guarantee there was a day..you would be hard pressed to find it…but I’ve grown up…and realized that perfect clean floors and vacuumed floors,(where I get mad when people walk on them) is just not things sane people say…sometimes…you just have to let things go.

So, the Mornings of drinking coffee while my daughter does her nature sketching…is probably not on the horizon soon…but we are going camping soon….and we can do it then…

The read alouds I wanted to do with my daughter each day…probably won’t happen either…but her Dad does do that with her almost every night.

We create this perfect picture of homeschooling in our minds…and feel like failures if we can’t or don’t complete it that way…but everyone is at a different place, phase and beauty of life…and I refuse to get depressed…I refuse to get caught up…I refuse to feel the anxiety that I’m not enough…that I’m a bad mom because we missed a field trip or an enrichment class…or that my daughter is missing out when we aren’t at every single event…you are enough Momma…you really are.

Tomorrow…after you’ve had that magic bean…live your best life…not your friends…not your pals…not every other homeschool Mom…but yours…because life demands change..and constant re-evaluation…and I refuse to give in to fear of not being able to complete this task properly or perfectly..how do I deal with the task I’m given…right now…choose joy..in whatever season life gives you…don’t speed it up to get rid of it…to make it hurt less…just let it go..and accomplish what you were made to…and let your children show that they are capable of so much more than they every thought possible.