Follow Him

I just heard about the passing of Toby Macs son. He was only 21…and my heart breaks. I loved what Toby said…about following God no matter what.

If you’ve ever walked the dark roads of life…and I mean…cancer, unexpected death in your immediate family, financial devastation, fire, physical disability, a devastating life changing loss…and you were able to raise your hands in that storm…and sing….

“I’m gonna sing in the middle of the storm

Louder and louder, your gonna hear my praises roar.

Up from the ashes, hope will arise.

Death is defeated, the King is alive!”

If you’ve been able to sing that…with tears streaming down your face…with your hands raised…and your completely singing out of hope and faith…then you know exactly what I’m talking about.

There is nothing more terrifying, than releasing control (even though you really don’t have it anyway) but being able to say…whatever your will Lord.

So many of us feel that if we say that, we will be like Job…and all things will be taken from us….and that indeed is possible.

Everything that I have gone through in life…was a life changing thing that had it not happened, I would not be who I am today. I assure you, you would not like the person that is writing this. My trials have been very painful, but it is also a time that I came to see my God in a completely new way…and I look back at those moments…and wish that I would learn from the precious moments I had with my Savior…instead of treating Him like the friend you only call to help you with a problem, but they aren’t cool enough to go to the party with you.

I have never lost a child, never been told I have a life threatening illness….but I have had devastating loss. I’ve been hurt by people in positions of power. I’ve been gossiped about, and cheated on. I’ve been lied to, and lied about. I’ve had things stolen from me, and told things were my fault just because I was alive. I’ve been called stupid, ugly, and a disgrace and a waste of space. I’ve been called untalented and someone who will amount to nothing….and I ….keep….going.

Oh, I don’t say that for praise…I say that because God has placed people in my life to encourage me…when I’m ready to give up…always…He sends me someone…that gives me their hand…and helps me back up on my feet again.

This life…offers no guarantees. No guarantee of an easy life, financial gains, beautiful house, healthy children, healthy businesses, healthy bank accounts, healthy you…but who are you?

Who are you when someone steals from you? When you have to pick up the pieces of someone else’s mistake. When you have to keep going …even though people behind you are whispering, making fun of you. Who are you when you have to drive the rusty car? Who are you when you can’t get that stamp in your passport? Who are you when you lose all your hair? Who are you when you can’t move your body like you used to? When you have to ask others for help? When your child messes up? When your adult child disappoints you? When you lose your child or spouse?? Who are you when God says….I’ve asked much of you…and now I need a little bit more…who are you then?

I can tell you…I always try and fix it first. I always try to understand the why….and sometimes, there is no answer to the why…it just is.

I try to write a list on how to fix it, a battle plan…another battle plan…a lot of pleading and praying and shouting and asking….why???

Then….always after a long long time…..I finally submit…finally relax…and then…I pick it all back up again…and run through the whole process all over again.

Someday, I will learn….and I will relax in His arms…and I will trust Him…and not try to fix it…

We all have our own journey…be patient with one another…this world is not our home…