In The End

The other day I noticed some things about myself I didn’t like…I don’t like the creases that are forming on my face and by my eyes when I smile. I’m not real fond of the neck that I have lately….but I also have absolutely no problem going to church and then work wearing this…..

I even had to wear it to Sams and then dig through the five pound briskets….until I found the one that I wanted….as I was leaving a lovely employee told me that my outfit was “stunning”….I could have hugged her. Something about being 45 years old and I feel that I don’t need permission anymore about what I wear, or what color my hair is….or what I drive.

My hair is dyed this color because my hair was turning gray…and I just didn’t want to battle it anymore…but I no longer look at myself that way.

At 45, I have earned the stretch marks that are on my stomach…due to the babies that my body was able to bring into this world. My hands have freckles and age spots on them and they have diapered babies, cleaned countless messes, and worked several jobs. My body has endured more than most, and I have come out stronger.

I have earned every wrinkle, scar, and gray hair. They are my battle scars.

You could not pay me enough money to go back to 25. I wouldn’t mind having that body again…but the inexperience and naive attitude…no thank you.

I have purple in my hair, and I drive a car that completely expresses my personality. My favorite color is blue…even though my car and hair are accented with purple…blue…blue is my favorite.

I’m not against tattoos…and if you know me you know the answer to whether or not I have one.

I like holes in my jeans…and yoga pants…sleeveless shirts with funny sayings and I adore huge and different jewelry. I love exploring new cultures and different foods…but this is new for me…this didn’t happen until my late 30s. Before that I was always safe safe safe. My dresses were navy, my hair normal and I drove a black Toyota Camry…but after 2002….my life was anything but normal…and I couldn’t fix it no matter how hard I tried.

My life may look like everything has gone wrong according to some. Our family is blended…our kids have different parents…I won’t explain myself…if you know me…you know the whole story.

I’ve become tired of people that spend their time talking about how they love Jesus..but they spend their time cutting off relationships with those who don’t measure up…or saying rude things to those who have the strength to stand up….the events have been so frequent…I’ve been wondering if perhaps it’s me:..perhaps I’m the problem.

I read nowhere in the Bible that Jesus sat around with the perfect people…in fact, if we really look at scripture…He only was with them when He was upset with them and rebuking them. His disciples were not treated well either.

I believe that Jesus didn’t start petitions. Nor did he gossip about others. He didn’t hold grudges. He didn’t lie about others..He didn’t look to see if someone had on leather leggings before deciding to speak with them. He didn’t honk his horn or wave his hands, or treat others rudely. He didn’t yell because someone was in His way…not did He get His message across by being obnoxious….and yet, those who raise their hands to Him on Sunday…refuse to help others on Monday. They are rude to those who are waiting tables just hours after raising their hands to Jesus…and then at same time…they wonder why our world is in the hurt that it is in.

I wish I could tell you that I’m always like Jesus…but I’m not. I get mad at people who have taken advantage of me and tell lies about me. I yell at those who cut in front of me…and I’ve even been known to roll my eyes at rude cashiers at Sams.

My favorite place to be? Honestly…it’s when I’m serving with those that don’t have cameras to take our pictures to share what amazing humans we are. It’s in the amazing woman I heard sing “Jesus loves the little children” in the middle of my city…in the middle of a circle of 100 kids who were hungry….that’s where Jesus was…that’s exactly where He was. He was in the kitchen where we made sandwiches for the kids who were hungry in our city. It was in the cleaning of an apartment for a new family that was able to get a second chance. It was in the quick drive by of gifts for a family that was going to have nothing for Christmas…or the single lady who needed a car…and one was given to her…that’s where Jesus was…and where He is.

The older I become…the more I realize…how little I need…and how much I need to give away.

I’m not saying to you that I’m selling my house and possessions and going to Africa…but each year…I do try to see what I can change in the next year.

At 45…..I’m happy to go on new adventures…and I’m hoping to have a back seat this year to even more amazing adventures. I’m grateful for all the opportunities that are coming my way….because in the end…Jesus sees it all anyway….the good…the bad….the ugly…:the beautiful. He sees the wrinkles, He knows all about the scars…those you can see and those that are hidden. He knows the hurt…the pain.::the agony of keeping it all in…and He knows that it is only temporary…this world is not our home…don’t get comfortable. We don’t have a long time here.