Just Me

Tuesday, I went down to help my son move Into his first apartment. He will be a junior in college and I canNOT believe how fast the time has gone.

It was so exciting to watch his excitement of walking into his new apartment for the first time and being so excited about his new opportunity. After such disappointment this year, it made the sweet surprise even sweeter.

He was the first one to call me Mom. The first one to make me feel that my life mattered…the first one to teach me to love unconditionally. As a mom who started out married to her dream partner…and then that marriage going down Into flames, to then that partner dying unexpectedly in a car crash. I had more on my plate than I thought possible and learned to grow up quickly.

I will never regret my choice in leaving someone who was cheating on me…and protecting my son from growing up in an environment where I was being completely disrespected….but I think…along the way…I sometimes have lost myself.

As a boss I’ve learned this of late…and I’m not sure how to overcome it. Growing up, I was the kid that was always talking and always cracking jokes. I was always in trouble and my grades were never all As and usually A, B and Cs…and honestly, that was fine with me.

I noticed people’s mistakes…but kept them to myself…because I did not want to hurt others feelings….however, I’ve noticed that no one seems to give me the same respect.

I’ve walked into houses and places of business and found the positive of whatever I can…because let’s be real…not everyone has the same amazing taste as you do 😬😬😬 . I would walk into these homes and compliment them…but I would then have people who would walk into my home and point out all my faults. 😱😱😱😱

Turning 46, has made me a bit more fiesty. I’m here to stay. Why do I need constant approval from someone? Why do I not feel worthy unless someone states how good I am in clowning, homeschooling, jewelry owner….why!?

I don’t think I’m alone…I think a lot of us feel unappreciated…and unloved…but everyone knows that to feel that way makes you selfish, and insecure…

I see people do this on a social media platform…ask people why they like them..or if they are good enough….

I believe we all need a cheerleader….but some days we all haveto learn how to give ourselves a great butt kicking.

I am here to tell you that I’m tired. Just because I don’t point all your faults, does not make me weak. I have a horrible habit of stuffing down the feelings …and then when someone has lit my last fuse…I just lose it.

I don’t think I’m alone…:I keep my mouth shut a lot…and since I talk a lot that can be a challenge.

Are you someone that people walk over! You hate to have conflict!?

We women are strong and courageous…but sometimes we forget that.

Just because we don’t point out those that make mistakes doesn’t mean we don’t notice it.

Just because we let someone talk over us doesn’t mean we have nothing to say. We are just allowing someone to speak. Just because I don’t say I disagree, doesn’t mean I don’t.

The person who deletes her comment on Facebook instead of getting into a huge fight on a friends Facebook…is a strong person .

The one who can be called an insulting name or is given the finger while driving and doesn’t yell back or drive so close to their bumper you want to invite them in, is a strong person.

When I’m 80…I want to be the person that still makes people smile…but also a little afraid. I want them to wonder what I’m gonna do next.

I wanna be the lady with the outfit that shows I’ve still got it…but if you don’t like it, it’s clear I don’t care.

I want to spoil grandchildren and teach them all the annoying things my kids did…I want them to grow up happy and full of sass. I want to see my son become a dad…and be happy.

Growing up can be hard. Watching your kids grow up is even harder. Letting them go has been the hardest part. Offering advice when only asked is a constant battle. Never asking too many questions is growing harder to maintain.

Wherever you are in the growing up process. Enjoy where you are…and don’t overwhelmed by their failures…or too puffed up about their successes.

Wishing everyone a safe and happy school year.