What Happened!?

As soon as I get used to a new schedule it seems to change. It seems as soon as I get really good at hitting the curveballs, the game changes all together.

The other day my daughter and I went to the apple orchard. I asked her if she wanted to pick apples or just grab a bag that the staff had already picked. She of course chose to just pick a bag out of the coolers…and who could blame her. She’s been picking apples since she was this big…..

It still felt weird….leaving without the picture to see how tall she has grown…or to take her picture in the big chair…but those memories will always stay with me…and hopefully her as well.

Instead, I enjoy the teen years where she can make her own food and cook dinner for me.

I enjoy going on vacations where she packs her own bags and gets her own bag full of art supplies to go on our next adventure.

Even though it hasn’t happened much this year…we have been able to take her on new adventures. Take the time to teach her to cook. Let her artistic passions grow and thrive.

It’s been amazing to watch our son on his second to last year at a major university and the lessons he’s learned that none of us even saw coming.

If you want to be successful in life and have a happier life…learn that life doesn’t have to look a certain way.

Your not a failure because your kids haven’t gone to Disney. Your not a failure even if they haven’t flown.

I spend so much time worrying about what my kids are missing out on, that I’ve never stopped to think about the amazing things I have been able to take them on.

For the longest time I was upset my kids were so far apart. It bothered me that we weren’t this perfect, evenly spaced family…

Some days it bothers me that my last child doesn’t have siblings around her all the time like her older siblings did. I fear she’s lonely or upset…that I have something to apologize for.

We as parents all give our children unique experiences that are unique to us. My daughter has seen first hand what it takes to own and operate a business. She’s seen what it’s like to volunteer our time in unique ways. She’s had a front row seat to watching her mom make people laugh. She’s had unique experiences that most kids don’t get because of what I’ve exposed her to. She’s been around electric guitars and heard her father play in our church . She’s heard me play piano in church…she’s seen first hand the amazing beauty of gemstones. She’s gone to cities that her siblings never went to at her age. She’s experienced city life at a far younger age than I ever did.

What seemed to not be so long ago was my house was full with two teens and one pre teen and a toddler….and somehow I woke up today and they are all out of the house and I have only one left. I’m not sure how that happened.

Today as I did yoga and my body felt every single pain…I knew I had to fight to be able to do what I want to do. I have more adventures to take my daughter on…I hope to dance at my sons wedding someday. I want to run 5Ks again like I used to. Life isn’t going to slow down to wait for me to get in shape. My kids aren’t going to wait for me to “feel” better to get busy in this life.

I cannot let the weight of a false inferiority rule my life. I cannot let that little spark of self doubt and the lies of comparison make me feel that I have not done what I should have done for my kids. That they missed out because I wasn’t enough.

We all have regrets…but may we instead focus on what we did well…and not what we feel our kids lost…such as a trip to the apple orchard without picking the apples. Not everything has to be picture perfect.