And Then….

Today I got excited….second vaccine is showing promise….and then as soon as I got excited…the negative came back. Normal travel might be possible in the fall of 2021? I’m sorry, what?

Today, was a gorgeous rare warm day in November. The sun was shining…and we were all about it. I had to return some things and pick up some things…and I seem to be in denial that Thanksgiving is next week or that my only son, my eldest child will be 21….and I find myself all over the place emotion wise.

Everyone was out today…I think everyone like me, just realized that we are indeed having a holiday…and even though it looks different for all of us…we are indeed having Thanksgiving.

Every year everyone writes all the things they are thankful for…and I giggled to myself because I haven’t seen ONE thankful post this year…and I said to myself….same.

Right now, it’s a motivational speech to get me out of bed at 6:15 am…to then do all the things…and last but not least…how much makeup should I put on since I will be wearing a mask virtually all day.

I find myself exhausted with vaccine or not to vaccine ….mask wearers and the Ones who refuse to wear a mask. Customers that complain that we wear masks…and customers complain that we don’t do enough. People that think all businesses should be closed until next year…and the rest of us trying to make a living. UPS drivers and Fed Ex drivers and USPS workers already overwhelmed before the holiday season even begins. Talk of toilet paper shortages again…and I’m over it.

I am tired of no smiles when I go shopping….and people who wear masks do so wrong that they might as well not even bother.

I find myself happy to see hand sanitizer everywhere….it’s like a dream come true…and confused at why Walmart NEVER has hand sanitizer…seriously? Why???

I find myself longing for 2021, but then realizing that it will probably feel much the same…and that is when I realized why we all seem to be struggling.

When you go through a personal trial…there is no timetable. There is no set time for this period of pain that you go through to be over. It’s a personal journey that you and you alone must walk. The difficulty with the whole world going through it at the same time…is just that….the whole world is going through it.

If you ever wondered if misery loves company…here’s your answer. If you have ever lost big and hurt even worse…and you were mad when you heard joy as you wept for your pain…here it is. The whole world is suffering….and I’ve never felt more hopeless to help it.

My hands have been tied from what I usually do to end sadness and to bring those that wander back to reality. Those people I have lost…and maybe even forever. My job has been cancelled…joy has taken a back seat to survival..for me, I find that the two go hand in hand.

Even though this virus is so real and devastating to the vulnerable….I feel the healthier part of society is suffering in a different way. Our burdens have never seemed so heavy as we seek to care for the lost, the hurting, the diseased and the elderly. We are tossed in the middle…surrounded by those that fear everything and those that fear nothing. We are a generation with young children and aging parents that we have to constantly chastise for going out to play when they should be staying hone. We are a generation that is being pulled in both ends.

2020 was supposed to be a year full of promise and life changing trips

. Finally putting a stamp in my passport and achieving new goals I never thought possible….instead it’s been a nail biter…and I feel that we have been through somewhat of a battle.

If you like British television you might be familiar with the show Foyles War, which depicts life during WW II . There is one scene where they have found an onion and it’s going to be the prize of a raffle. They all pick it up and smell it…and imagine the tastes that will come because of it…and even though starvation is not on any of our minds….I know we long for other things. Laughter, contact, hugs and a normal way of living. Eating in restaurants. Going to the movies…and concerts and traveling. Airports that are full and busy and full of annoying beeps….it’s almost been a year since we have travelled on a plane and that is crazy for us!

Covid is not war…and I would never say it is…but I feel that we have all lost greatly…I feel as if we have all suffered…and that I imagine is what it must feel like to be a survivor of war.

Many of us have started decorating for Christmas…trying to do what we we can to soothe our souls and provide some joy in our hone. Meanwhile, I’ve already seen the hateful comments for that.

May I say this: I to, , used to Be one of those form believers in waiting until after thanksgiving…but then last year I changed it…and this year I did it even earlier. Game changer! Normally we have had always had a huge event that I’m getting ready for that we are not doing this year…and decorating early for all the craziness that is coming has helped my anxiety tremendously. For those of you who think you need to comment to those who have decorated….mind ya business. Because it’s a game changer…and I’m here for it!

May you be blessed and stay well!!!