The Ugly

Everyone has people in their life that they have to learn to deal with. Right now, even small difficulties seem overwhelming and impossible. Such hurt and such sadness and I have no idea how to make it better.

Yesterday during church, I sat and reminisced of the previous two nights where I had sat with those who have been as low as life can take you. Being with them made me forget every single trouble…I had. Every single one….then today….reality.

How do you deal with those who suck out every ounce of joy and strength from you!? How do you handle people that are selfish and only look at their lives with no consideration of anyone else? I don’t know either. I just know that the only way I can usually deal with life….is to change my focus.

As I sat in church, several names were laid on my heart to not only pray but to do..to get up and exercise an act of service…an act of service with no pictures….and no self recognition.

The hardest days of my life were pre Facebook. And for that I’m grateful. The people that I remember are the ones that just sat there. Who ironed my clothes…who told me what to wear for the funeral. Who dressed my son. The ones who stood at the graveside before they could Instagram it. The ones who stood quietly nearby. The ones who were there for the ugly…the uncomfortable.

I’ve sat beside friends whose husbands have walked away from them…just like mine did. I sat in silence and prayed silently over them. I’ve sat in a room and heard the wail of a mother who lost her child…it is the sound of a soul breaking. I pray you never hear it.

I’ve cried out to God loudly and often as my own soul broke asking Him why He wanted me to walk such a broken road….He said….why not? I answered that it just too hard and that I could not do it…but with His help and so many encouragers along the way…I did just that.

I’ve watched children move out for reasons that led to destruction. I have lost countless hours of sleep while I nursed a sick child back to health constantly wondering when we should run to the emergency room. I’ve had people look at me and assume how easy my life is…never knowing the hard road that I’ve walked…and I hope the road that I’ve walked doesn’t show on my face.

I hope the lessons I have learned don’t show, I hope I haven’t become callous ….I hope the only thing that shows is empathy. If I grow old and still can only look at myself, then it has all been for nothing….if all I can ever do is see how the world treats me and never look at what I bring to the world…then I have learned absolutely nothing.

Each day that you are alive is a gift. I don’t always see it that way either…but it is. What impact are you making? What joy are you spreading?

Covid has been a nightmare. It has crushed dreams and businesses. It has killed thousands and left families destroyed forever….but our lives are still important. We still have a job to do. Be smart and creative….but we still have so many things we can do.

We can still call each other. We can even FaceTime. We can send flowers….flowers don’t have Covid. Or plants. We can do drive by to our friends and neighbors. We can and we should. We can write our friends who live far away. We can say I’m sorry, I was wrong.

At a small function last week, I received as my present a sign that says “give it to God and go to sleep.” I’m horrible at it…as I’m up right now…still upset at the” grumpy” I had to deal with today. However, I just bet…that “grumpy” is sleeping just fine…and I’m the only one awake.

This Christmas will be weird and different,just like this entire year. We have one child not coming home…and our family gathering will already be much much smaller.

As different as it may be….we have much to be grateful for. Even though right now it seems hard to find.

I encourage you to sit in the quiet…look around you…listen to that voice urging you on. Pay attention when that face and name is laid on your heart…and go and do what God has asked you to do. There is no better time than now.

Go help therefore and be a light. A light for all to see. You may just be someone’s hope.

Go bring some hope to someone…and spread Hos love.