A Little Christmas Now

This time last year I was planning for the best year of my life. Not one person on the planet could have predicted the year and all the events that followed.

There is not a person on the planet who can say they are not happy to see this year end…but there are many amazed at how we made it through.

As an owner of a retail store I am amazed at the amazing God we serve and filled with complete awe and gratitude with our community. Our Christmas exceeded last year and our Christmas Eve was the busiest we have ever been in the history of ever. Many times throughout the day I fought back tears of gratefulness. To be able to make it through a pandemic, government shutdowns, looting at many stores in our industry…I stand amazed. Out of the ashes comes amazing miracles. I have an amazing staff and a great town…that supported us and we are so grateful.

Last night was difficult…my son for the first time saw first hand how my Dad is starting to show the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s. It was hard..it was scary…and I found myself quite overwhelmed. As my son and I drove home we had a chance to talk about life and how quickly it seems to change. Everyone thinks that people will always be there…that they have all the time in the world to “get around to visiting.” The truth is…they can’t. All the excuses we dream up…all the things we are busy with will one day not matter. My Dad who could fix anything, do math in his head, and figure how much carpet you would need in a room without a calculator, is no longer the same. He forgets what day it is (sometimes so do I)….but the challenges have now become greater and the battle is all mine…yet again.

We only get one life…we only get so much time to make an impact….and I don’t want to have regrets.

This life gives you good and bad….and sometimes that good and bad can occur on the same day. The fun of a great holiday…with the realization that someone is suffering…and things will never be the same again.

My son called me tough last night. He has seen me do hard things. Things that most moms don’t have to do…I’ve worn all the hats….I’ve done all the things….but I like myself best right now.

I continue to sit with the broken…work with the broken. Because, I’m so very broken.

Christmas was good and bad for so many. We had a daughter who didn’t come because of covid concerns. Had to split up Christmas visits…and opened presents on zoom calls. However, take the good with the bad…know that we won’t always be like this…and life will resume as normal once again.

Edited to add: Apparently, there are some family members who are upset that I wrote about my Dads condition on a public forum. He does NOT have a diagnosis from a doctor. However, those that are around him daily or several times a week would agree that it is either that diagnosis or another one similar. As difficult as it is to accept…there are amazing things that doctors can now do to help with quality of life which is my hope. Those frustrated or feeling blind sighted should ask themselves the question…where have I been that I haven’t been involved to see this for myself? I’m not here to ease your guilt.