My son has gone back to his apartment, nearly three hours away from me. He has gone back to his job, his life as an RA for the college he attends and back to his fancy apartment, that being an RA allows him to live.
This visit was the shortest in the history of ever that he has ever stayed…and even though I wish it was longer….I am just thankful for the time I do get.
Having three adult children the delicate dance is difficult. One that is in college we try to give him his freedom but at the same time he needs to respect the fact that staying out until late will no longer work for our schedule that we keep. We also have a 13 year old who needs a schedule.
I have a ritual when my son leaves now…I try to clean his room and wash all bedding and towels immediately. I try not to cry…as I clean. I know I only have one more year before the room will be packed up as he leaves for his new life. I look at the pictures of elementary sports and jr high and high school. I go through his senior book I made and his Eagle Scout book….and wonder where the time went.
Every time he comes home he gets taller…either that or I shrink.
Adult children are complicated. How much do I say? What advice do I give? When do I keep my mouth shut and when do I speak up. When do I quit worrying about them?
The little boy that loves Buzz Lightyear and Star wars and lightsabers is gone…maybe someday he will return when my son has a child of his own…but for now those are just memories.
The last four days have been a sucker punch to me. I hate change…but yet, it surrounds me.
Today, our pastor left…a new door has opened for him and we are so sad to see he and his wife go..and uncertainty with the direction of our church looms.
I’m reminded of the fact that my father is starting to have memory issues…and I have to tell you it hurts more than I ever dreamed it would.
This is also a time of difficulties with family. They see things differently…feelings are hurt. Tempers soar…and people refuse to offer any assistance. Sometimes it’s left unfairly, to one person…sometimes it’s spread out.
For me, how do I create balance? How do I cut out the negativity when dealing with such hard things? I’m not sure….I’m still trying to figure it all out. I guess in the end…I have to let some people answer for their own decisions…and not allow their selfishness to rob me of my joy.
Change comes to all of us…of that I’m aware… it why does change have to happen so often, so quickly…and why do I have tears so often?
Why does life make us all hurt soo much?
There was a day when I thought the hardest thing I had to do was teach my children to read and be able to use the facilities by themselves. I remember the nights when they both could shower by themselves! What joyous freedom that brought! if I only knew the more freedoms I gave them, the sooner they would be ready for flight…because that would mean they were prepared.
Now, I prepare the last one for flight…and it’s already flying by….she’s halfway to 14…and I’m at a loss as to why we are here so fast.
Take the picture, take over the chicken for dinner. Take the trip, and remember how quickly it all goes and changes.
The Reluctant Red Nose 