The older we become , the more regrets we have.
I remember being in college, my life seemed to stretch for miles in front of me. Who would I marry? What career would I have? How many children? Just exactly where would life take me?
Then the next minute I’m sore for running a mile on a treadmill…and I find myself with regrets.
Getting older means looking back on life and taking inventory of our accomplishments as well as our failures. The list of failures for me would probably fit easily in a book. That realization of failure makes me want to climb under the covers and never come out.
The days you get off the sofa and come out swinging is where your character really shows. On the days you feel defeated, the days you feel it’s too hard and the days you feel your mistakes outnumber your successes is the day you need to fight harder than ever.
My trophies and medals are on display….in my laundry room 🥴. They mean a lot to me and I appreciate them…but they don’t deserve a prominent place in my home. I’m grateful for being recognized and happy that my hard work was noticed…but all awards fade…and all applause is drowned out…by the whisper of lies that is given to me and to you. The lies that no matter what good you accomplish that you are not worthy of the Saviors love.
I have disappointed people. I have hurt people with mean words said with hatred and fear…and that is what those people will always think of when they think of me. I believe that if you are a semi nice person, that realization can be crippling.
We have a choice when we make mistakes. We can either own it and move on…or we can wallow in it. I personally like to do a little bit of both.
If you were raised in an environment that was extremely negative and you never felt worthy, this can make you feel that you are indeed worthless.
Today, I am sad and feel quite inadequate. When I feel this way, my first instinct is to retreat, withdraw, wither, and completely pull the covers over my head and never get out of bed.
I want to quit all the things that bring me joy. I want to go live in a deserted cabin and whittle wood. Ok…I have no idea how to whittle.
I’m so glad that my Savior does not love me like that. I’m grateful that I can come to Him and He will forgive me completely. I’m so glad that He does not hold my wrongs against me and compare them to my good deeds. I’m so grateful that after I confess and He forgives it is forgotten and I am washed clean. I’m so glad that I don’t have to work my way to forgiveness or His love. Because I will never ever be good enough. My flesh is weak and I am selfish. Thankful that He knows this about me as well.
For now…I’m slowly getting back up….wiping myself off…and moving forward. I have no idea how long that will take me to regain confidence. I have no idea how I will do it….bit by bit….I will keep charging ahead. Thankful for the unexpected surprises of encouragers that He sends my way.
The Reluctant Red Nose 