This Is Not The End

Today was a day. That’s the best way to describe it.

Covid has given us many challenges…and like everything there have been unforeseen consequences. We have seen a rise in suicides and abuse (there is data to back this up, this is not me making things up). There has been a rise in Alzheimer’s patients as well and we have seen a failure to thrive in many patients that live in retirement homes. Many died alone…without being able to say goodbye to their families.

Many businesses died and financial ruin came to many….the affects of this pandemic will be felt for a very long time. We have yet to learn all we have lost.

Education has almost stopped for nearly a year and those that needed the benefits and services that schools offered, suffered the most. Some children that lived in poverty couldn’t even be located. If you are asking how I know this…it is because I know the people that work with them. They simply can’t be found.

We were told to stay away from our elderly parents. To keep them safe I was told to stay away. My father turned 86 last April. I had to give him his cake and presents in the garage. I then walked out of the garage after laying his cake and presents on his tractor and backed away. I wasn’t able to hug him. He wasn’t able to hug me or my daughter. I drove away that day crying…I felt I was cheated….and now…it’s even more real of how much I truly lost.

In order to protect my Dad and Mom, we as children stayed away. Two of my sisters have stayed away for years…but the other two and I didn’t come as often because we all were told it was unsafe.

Today at the doctors office, I listened to the MRI report given by my Dads doctor. Severe dementia…blood not moving around the brain…brain is deteriorating. I knew that’s what the report would say…but still to hear the report read aloud seemed like it was a dream.

The part I keep playing in my memory over and over again is my Dad asking the doctor if the report said everything was ok…and I didn’t wish to be in the doctors shoes at all.

Doctors have such a hard job…he gave my father dignity. He told him that his body is strong, but he will continue having greater difficulty finding his words. My Dad seemed ok with that. What else could he say?

Today my dad carried on conversations quite well. We are getting his sleep under control a little better, which the doctor thinks will help. He can’t take walks by himself. He can’t drive (that we already knew.) and he has to be watched closely at night.

I held myself together today…I had supernatural strength …I could feel the prayers of many. While Mom was running errands I stayed in the car with Dad. I asked him about his garden this spring and all he wanted to plant..and he didn’t miss a beat telling me what he wanted to plant. I put this in my memory bank…

He says he wants fried chicken every week…I said we can do that…and I put that in my memory bank as well.

Covid I hate you…I hate you for all you have taken, and stolen and cheated and crushed and broken. This is not how I wanted this story to end.

This is not my home or my Dad’s home…this is not the end.

We now set our eyes on spring…and the new life it brings.