Today, at our monthly coffee chat…this subject came up of listening. Just sitting and listening to each other’s burdens. Not offering judgement or how a problem can be solved …just listening. I think a person that is truly gifted at listening is a person that should be highly favored.
Owning a business we see lots of people daily. Over the years we have been there for the highs of life and the lows of life. We have been there for anniversary and birthdays, losses and sickness, surgeries and broken bones. We have heard about it all…and we have cried along with our customers.
The older I get, the quieter I become…I wish I would have learned this long ago. Some people want to just tell you their sad story. They want you to know that the person they just lost..deserves to be remembered. They want you to know every good and incredible thing about them. They want you to know why their loss is soo deep and why their heart is so broken and their life so very empty.
I used to think that I was cheated when I lost someone I loved suddenly….I didn’t get the chance To say what I wanted. I didn’t get answers to questions I had. I didn’t get reassurance….only more heartbreak. I have watched those that have lost spouses or parents to disease and watched them suffer…and realized….there is no easy way to grieve. The joy comes in knowing that this isn’t the end. This is not the end of our story.
As we all battle the struggles that are ours to carry,and the heavy burdens we carry..may we understand that there is relief and joy that comes when we share those with our trusted friends. When we open up and are truthful about how hard the struggle is.
I once sat with a friend at a concert. The song was titled “Just be Held.” The song was a reminder that it’s ok to cry…to be sad…to be silent…but God is there to hold you. I sat there and held her hand. I knew what it was like to watch a marriage go up in flames. I knew what it was like for the kids, the families…the suffering. I knew it all. I also knew that she had tried everything she could possibly do to make it better…and she had failed miserably. All there was to do was sit and cry with her. So that’s what we did. No advice…no speech…no nothing. I just sat there with her and cried.
At the darkest moment of my life…I have had angels in my life. The ones that iron your clothes for your husbands funeral…iron your child’s clothes. Help you pick out music…help you remember to eat. They offer no advice…they offer no speeches…they just deal with the here and now…..and those are the people you always want near you and the ones you want to be like.
Silence is so very far from what so many of us want to be. Silence can bring thoughts we don’t want…but it can also be healing. When I’m in a quiet place, I can finally hear. I can finally fully listen.
I’m learning to be silent…to let other speak their truth…their hurt…their burdens. It truly is a gift, and I find myself envious of all of those that are gifted in a way that I am not.
I wish I was more like Charlie..:always happy to see people…doesn’t interrupt, doesn’t get angry and gives plenty of affections. He is a great listener. He doesn’t gossip, and he’s kept every secret I ever told him. 😘
The Reluctant Red Nose 