Oh To Be Little

I’m going to write some things about my childhood that should explain a few things…yep, I was always super weird…I’m very aware.

My parents, when I was five and my sister was 13. Decided that the country life was for us. My sister and I grew up in a typical suburb right in the heart of the Midwest. We were not poor, nor were we rich. Christmas was amazing…birthdays were my favorite and sugar filled anything was delight.

My parents decided to build this house so I grew up being able to color on my floors before the carpets were put down…and making creations out of extra cement.

I remember that our church and school were at least 45 minutes away and we spent a lot of time traveling in our car. Back in 1982 the cars were big. There were no seatbelt rules…and my favorite place to be was laying in the rear window of my moms huge Buick. I loved the wind blowing in my hair and I loved to sing…and I would sing a lot.

Today, as I did grown up things such as a doctors appointment I have put off for three years…blood work for even longer and denied myself my nectar of gold called coffee….I longed for the day, when I was just along for the ride.

I didn’t know about bills or hospitals. I wasn’t really familiar with death. I didn’t understand fights that never end. I was just happy to be in the day…experience the moment.

I so wish I would have enjoyed those days more…instead of being in such a hurry to grow up.

I wish the hardest thing I had to do tomorrow was pick out flowers for my planters….I wish someone was coming to make dinner. I long for someone to clean my house how I do it…not how they do it. I wish someone would pay all my bills. Worry every night for me….and carry all that grief.

Sadly, that’s not where I find myself today….hard grown up things to deal with and the hits just keep coming….

It’s not where I belong…this is not my final destination…this is not how my story ends…this will not be the end of me….just keep swimming!

This is not goodbye….just see ya later…..

For my Dads birthday this year….he has something to show me…and it’s time to embrace the beautiful art of letting go.