Beware Of Ghosts

It has been a long year. Everyone will agree to that…we have suffered and lost more than I think we even know.

One of the hardest things we have lost is our ability to hug, touch, embrace, and really spend time with people. We have all been alone with our thoughts.

This past week I was given the go ahead to start filling my clown calendar. It is one of the many reasons why I got the Covid shot, because I wanted to be able to visit retirement homes again.

I have come up with about the goofiest character I can…and have thrown in some ridiculous things that I will add tomorrow because we have over a years worth of lost visits to make up for. I’m not sure how many friends I had gotten close to will no longer be there…so I had to come up with some ideas that will keep me in the role of clown.

It never fails…every time before I clown…there are always aggravations. Sometimes I wish I could spend the night next to where I’m gonna clown so I can wake up the next morning, have a great breakfast and get into clown and get right in…but that is not reality.

I yell at my kids, other drivers…I hate being late…and by the time I get to where I’m clowning…I’m so far from feeling funny…it’s so hard to get back into that headspace. I hope that you will say a prayer for me that tomorrow I will be in the clown frame of mind and will stay that way the entire time.

So many people wonder and scratch their heads about why I do what I do…and you are very right. There are many days that I wish I could leave it all behind….just walk away. But I can’t…I’m not complete…I can’t stop doing it…I get depressed…I feel awful in my soul when I can’t do it.

There are so many things we can do with our lives…and I’m here for all the things…but the biggest thing I want you to say when you think of me..:is that you smiled.

When you say that I make you smile…then I know that I’ve made it….

Tomorrow is the big day…I pray it goes well. I pray we laugh instead of cry…I pray we remember that “life is short…I wanna live it well.”