Since you are a writer, I’m sure that title annoyed you. While you correct my bad display of grammar…remember that I taught you how to eat with a fork, go potty…and learned that bubbles were a nightmare to my little boy.
Today, as I drove to work…I wondered about what you were doing. We are not in the same time zone…the same state…and you feel a million miles away.
I wondered if you were eating well…if you were making friends. I wondered how you were feeling about yourself…and I wanted to cry.
Watching you grow up has been the most rewarding, yet terrifying…and amazingly sad but proud emotional hurricane I have ever experienced.
From the first time I felt the flutter of you in my stomach…learned that I would be a mother…I have loved you. From the time I held you…checked all your fingers and toes..and kissed them all..I fell in love with you..my beautiful, perfect baby boy.
As you grew ..we were amazed at how quickly and how well you spoke. How you could turn the charm on anyone…and how absolutely ridiculously stubborn you were. I have known you would do great things from that day forward. I had no idea what exactly those things would be.
I loved how you loved Star Wars, and Spider-Man. I loved how you wore your coon skin cap with your Darth Vader cape, while watering your favorite “zinnia” flowers.
I am sorry for things not being ideal for you. I tried to make the passing of your biological father as painless as possible….but did not realize how that truly affected you. I can only say that I hope that you will gain the strength I tried to teach you through the tragedy…and become better for it.
I pray that you will never be to proud to say where you came from. I pray that you will never allow power and money to speak louder than the voice of God and how He guides your conscious. I pray that you will never take your value in only what the followers of your social media are. I pray you will always be someone who looks at others as equals.
I pray that no matter what position in life you have you will never forget the value of your fellow man. I pray that your heart will always be to serve and make the world a better place, not make just your world a better place.
I pray you will always see evil for what it is…evil…and work hard to make sure that it is fought against…that people are protected.
I pray that you will stand tall and firm for what is right. That you will not be influenced by those who say you can’t stand for that…and stand even taller. I pray that you will make a difference…because you were born to make a difference.
I am not sure how big the platform of yours will ever be…but I will say no matter…make the difference where you stand.
For now, I worry…and I pray.
Someday you will have a son…and he will grow up and you will feel all the things that I am feeling. He will break your heart…he will heal your heart. He will make you keep going when you just want to get back into bed. He will make your sorrows worth it. He will make you want to scream. He will fill you with pride…he will make you wish he never had to grow up.
I wish I could go back in time…I would read with you longer…I would take more pictures. I would enjoy my time with you a little more.
Please know…there is no one cheering louder for you in this whole wide world than me for you…And that will never change…no matter how old you get.
The Reluctant Red Nose 