Today, I got the call…the call you dread when your parent has dementia. My Dad got out of the house, but thankfully his neighbor brought him back home.
My Dad has the strongest hands…I would always hold them and compare them to the size of mine. I would pinch his thumb that he had an accident with and can no longer feel it and ask him if he could feel the pinch. I was always amazed that he never could. Today, he kept passing objects only he could see from hand back to hand. I asked him what he was holding and he said just stuff…and I smiled at him. I called my daughter over to help him. Luckily, she gathered quickly the situation. I told her to get the stuff from my Dad’s hands and put it on the kitchen table and she did. She did it perfectly, just like when she was little and we would pretend.
As I left the room and Ellie went to check on our dog…I could hear my Dad talking….to no one…but he thought someone was there.
Today, I held onto the fact he knew my name. He said he loved me to…and he was finally wearing his good shoes. I’m grateful I got him his medic bracelet so that his neighbor saw it…and I’m grateful for the good days…today wasn’t one of them.
For now…I listen to stories about motorcycles and double houses. I listen to stories of adventures with people that afternoon that have been gone for awhile. I listen to him ask me if I see the people he does…and I fight back tears. I try my best not to argue with him…to add some humor and at least make my Mom laugh. My Mom looked tired today.
As I watched him tell me the story that has no end and no point I remembered how strong he was..what amazing things he could build. How he fixed everything…even my broken heart when I was left all alone with just me and my boy while my husband left us…it was Dad who fixed it.
Dad who taught me to work hard…drive smart…balance a checkbook to the penny and drive on KC traffic. taught me to cheer for the Royals and maybe the cardinals but only when we had to.
He taught me to be proud of my country and work hard…and get married once and love the same person forever…
Today, was not my favorite day…but he was here…and perhaps tomorrow he will be better and I will get another glimpse of my Dad. He’s still in there…and that’s the hardest part…finding it.
The Reluctant Red Nose 