I am 47….some days I feel as if I’m 107. I want to run away to a place where no bad news can find me. A place where the phone can’t ring with bad news on the end of the line. I want to run away to a place where no bad mail comes in the mailbox. That place doesn’t exist here on earth. Only in my dreams and daydreams.
Today, I didn’t want to make the hard decisions…I wanted someone else to do it for me. I didn’t want to cry in front of the nurse…and cry in front of another…and still another. I wanted to be able to make decisions hard and fast and quick and they be the right decisions. I wanted to stand firm, be tough…not cry…just like my Dad had always taught me to be…tough. Don’t be a big baby…stand on your own. Today, I didn’t want to.
Our decisions affect other people…it’s always a ripple effect. I knew today would be upsetting but no idea just how hard.
I pray you never have to stand and make decisions for your parents. Decisions that are for their best…but no way easy. I pray you never have to have your parents confused or upset because they feel they have been abandoned and left alone. I pray that that feeling never ever comes to you.
I do pray that if you do….that you have the courage and strength to stand. To know that what you are doing is for the best…and that the sun will eventually shine again.
I pray you can find humor when it is given…and see it for the gift that it is….and take a long time to laugh about it.
I pray life is kind…and through it all…you find the sunshine…you feel it…you see it.
Sometimes, it’s hard to find God in these moments of grief and hardship. He is there in the kindness of nurses…He is there with the kind transport specialist. He is there when strangers become friends in the most unlikely of places. He is there when you find you have unnatural super strength.
He is there when the sun comes up after the cloudiest of days.
The Reluctant Red Nose 