Toxic

The word toxic is a word that gets thrown around a lot. The actual definition of that word means “very harmful or unpleasant, poisonous.”

The sad thing is, most of us exposed to toxic people, don’t really realize it. We have new words for them.. like “difficult, speak their mind, or having a bad day.”

The truth is…it really isn’t ok. Before you think that I am saying that I am a saint…I am not. I have done my own damage, and my own damage has been done to me.

Toxic people disguise themselves in shiny packages. They say all the right things…or do they? I find myself scratching my head hours after a conversation and wondering exactly how that person meant that comment.

Sometimes you have to walk away from toxic people for awhile…and sometimes you can’t go back.

As I grow older, time becomes more precious. Time with my adult son is fleeting…and I usually get little scraps…and that’s ok…but I want even those tiny fragments of time to be spent in the most positive ways. If I’m surrounding my children with people who constantly inform them that their dress choices don’t align with theirs. Or that their hairline isn’t up to their standards…or if they need another pair of jeans because theirs have holes…we can teach our children to let those things go..but should we?

Do we ever confront the person that constantly throws criticism? Do we ever stand up for ourselves and declare that we will not be spoken to this way…and are still able to save the relationship?

As a parent…I can look at my children walking in and pick them apart in less than two seconds. I wouldn’t call it a gift…I would say that it goes back to my childhood…being raised with older sister who also had a critical eye. I learned to be fast on my feet or get eaten alive. Being the youngest did not win me favor in the eyes of my sisters…but I get it…I was eight years after the youngest sister…and I was yet…another girl.

I wasn’t beaten or starved, or thrown in a basement…I was a kid raised in the 80s….we kind of just spent more time alone than any generation before us….Class of ‘92….ancient memories. There wasn’t a lot of hugging. There were no participation awards…and parents frankly, we’re uninvolved. Quite honestly, we were ok with that.

Decent grades were expected and piano perfection required….and I was happy to do so…as it was the ONE thing I was good at.

My journey so far in life has proven to me that without God…I would have given up long ago.

People will always fail you…God never does. People will talk behind your back, make up lies. People won’t let you sit at their lunchroom table. Girls will tell you your heavy, sparking an eating disorder in a girl who weighed 102. Teachers will tell you you aren’t gifted enough for the speech your about to give…her private student needs to do it…but then you do it anyway…and get a standing ovation, and you beat her student. Professors will tell you your not smart enough to pass his class and you won’t graduate college…but you do. Men will tell you, you aren’t enough…marriage was a mistake…you were only friends…

People will let you do all the work, but when you ask for help, they won’t. People….we are all…just people. Making mistakes…carrying baggage…and harming one another.

I hope that you can find the people that model Christ. The people that have your back. Will help you when you are down. That being you popsicles and medicine when your ill. That take care of your child when your out of town….that root does you. That can be honest with you and tell you when you are wrong. That pray for you. That support your business…because those are Christ honoring relationships. That’s what we are to be to one another.

You know when you finally let go…and that freedom you feel? That’s truly when healing and growth can come../your children can come home without dreading the time….and with any luck…grow up to not blame us for all their “trauma”.

I hope that all toxic relationships can one day be restored….but I will enjoy Christmas this year./.without the toxic feeling in the air!!!