Every week since 2020….I have a little phrase that I’ve kept saying to myself. “Set your expectations low.” I think a lot of us have been saying it…but now…it’s been two years…and all of us desperately want to talk about something else.
Each week at work things change…whose on Covid protocol this week? Can we even plan a week?
When I make a grocery order…I expect there to be “substitutions”…and one day I fear I will snap. It almost happened today…after I had several things that could not be substituted….my favorite coffee creamer was out of stock….my coffee creamer. My favorite coffee creamer…could not be found. Could it be found in my city at all? I do not know…but in my head…no, it could not be found in the entire world…and I just wanted to scream.
There’s a hole in my kitchen ceiling, from a shower that has been leaking. This hole will be fixed within the next week and even a hated and loathed light fixture will finally be taken down…this hole screams to me every morning. I have a board that fell off my window box during a huge windstorm and it’s all I see when I pull up to my house. All these little bitty irritations…and someday I feel I may just snap.
The other night my husband and I went to sonic for a little ice cream treat…no hot fudge…are you serious? There is no hot fudge in the whole world? Seriously?
I now ask if they have things when I pull up to a drive thru with four other options in mind…I keep saying…set expectations low.
My nails even had the weirdest thing happen…the gel my nail lady used was new and absolutely all my nails popped off…it reminded me of the “shutdown”….
Today the weather is mocking me…it’s 54 freakin degrees…I had to take Allegra and had a splitting headache all day…debilitating and ruined the rest of my day that I don’t have to be at my store. Even my husband looked at me and said “you don’t look like you feel good.”
I find myself wanting to get tattoos all over and piercings and dye my hair all sorts of colors. the only thing I will actually do is a little bit of hair color.
I want to plan trips but everywhere I want to go seems to be potentially shutting down again….and if this was 2020….I would be like…okay here we go…it’s gonna be ok….but now I’m in this for close to two years right? And it seems never ending….it feels like we are all just never gonna get off this roller coaster of disappointment, delays and substitutions.
Words I never want to hear again…” testing, we are out of that, substitution, that’s going to have to be virtual only, mask up, hand sanitizer, can I get your temp please, six feet people, vaccination card please. Moderna or Pfizer, wake up people, sheep, and my personal favorite….natural immunity.”
At this point in the science fiction movie I would be the lady who would go off in the middle of the store when the cashier told her she had to get a substitution…I sometimes feel like I’m this close to cracking….but instead I write things like “No worries! I understand! It’s not your fault! “
However, inside I just want to know…how much longer. Can I go two weeks making plans? Do I dare get excited about three weeks out? Will this calm down by April like it has for the last two years? Can there be any other conversations we can have that don’t start and end with Covid?
This past fall…I mean, three glorious months ago…the world seemed to be making it’s way back…and now with the new year and more and more and more mutations…I’m just losing my grip. I’m starting to let go of the rope…I’m starting to give up.
I see this about myself and I want to offer encouragement but I find it harder and harder to find any.
There is always hope…this is not the end…we cannot give up…we have to keep swinging we have to keep fighting…we can’t give in…but some days…it’s ok to lose your mind over coconut coffee creamer…and no hot fudge…I get it. I’m here for ya.
You can lean on me.
The Reluctant Red Nose 