Childhood

Tonight our air is out….fans are blowing…memories are returning of childhood. Hardly anyone I know grew up with central air…and who were you really if you didn’t have a fan that you could talk like a robot into.

Saturday night, I was at my parents house celebrating Mother’s Day…and I came across these beauties…

I was four in this picture…and yes, the wallpaper behind me was amazing…and my Mother always made my cakes. Store bought cakes were unheard of. This particular one was a circus cake and had clowns on it…and I loved it…

I am the fifth daughter….and I was born after my first niece…and then after I was born…two years later I had another niece and then two years after that…another…then a nephew…you get the idea….there were a lot of us…and fifth child…was overlooked. No worries…I was loud…and always heard…still remains true.

My childhood was a happy one from what I can recall….

Being in a big family there was always a birthday…I loved school…loved swimming and camping…loved to sing…loved my dolls…loved Christmas…

Mothers Day always brings all these things s to mind….good things and bad. hard times and things that shaped is….regret as a mother and stepmother is long and I do have many regrets…

But I also have things I’m proud of… I’m proud of being a single mom and holding it together…being able to provide for my son..on my own.

I’m proud of figuring out how to blend a family…I really wish I would have done it better…but I do believe healing is possible and reconciliation can come.

I’m proud of having yet another teen…and learning how to do things completely differently then with the other three kids…and hoping for change…for myself and for her.

I look back at my own childhood…raised by a mother who she herself had a very sad childhood…doing the best she could with a kid that just was not easy.

I can lay awake each night for all the mistakes I made…but in the end…we are all doing the best we can…

I made the decisions I did at the time…truly believing it was in the best interest of my home…and I believe that’s what a lot of Mothers and stepmothers have done.

There are hardly any books telling you how to get along with your husbands ex-wife. There is not a lot of good advice on how to raise your stepdaughters. It is just unbelievably difficult. Unless you have been there, it’s impossible to explain.

It’s also hard to be a step kid and have to do a delicate dance between all the people….and for that…I’m truly sorry.

I don’t know much…but I do know…whatever role of Mom you play…it’s hard. Mistakes will be made…learn to say sorry…learn from your mistakes…know that sometimes we all need to heal for awhile…and then come back together.

Keep on going…it’s never to late….to fix things…and have a wonderful relationship!