And The Beat Goes On

Yes, I confess…I began a title with the forbidden word…and…oh well.

This past month went by in a flurry of activity..:

My daughter turned 15…

My son graduated from Mizzou….

My parents moved away….

We celebrated Mother’s Day and violin recitals….

My stepdaughter got engaged….

I turned 48 and celebrated at a weekend getaway….

And now I find myself….tired.

I can’t explain to you what it’s like to have adult children and one teen left…it feels like everything everyday is a tightrope walk.

I remember the bags of snacks and soppy cups. I remember the days of changes of clothes and sunscreen and bug spray…bandaids and neosporin…and I remember the vomit…so much vomit always. Why? Why with every car trip no matter what…we had some sort of throw up.

Then all the sudden…we switch to everything all at once changing.

When my daughter turned 15…I didn’t cry. When my son walked across the stage as a college graduate…I didn’t cry. When the vet told me my dog was 12 (in my head he was 8 and holding) I cried.

I cried because I felt like…somehow the universe had sped up..and I missed it all. I didn’t do all the things I wanted to do on my way to trying to keep all the plates spinning…somehow…I had missed out.

I felt guilt…and sadness. Then I realized, that no matter what…everyone feels that way. On our way to “adulting” we missed a game because of obligations at work.

After having three adult children one thing I have realized….running myself ragged with all the sports and all the things…is not worth it. We told each child to pick one thing…one sport…one instrument and we would do that..and that’s what we did. I have no regrets. I am not judging anyone…but my children k ew that they could say enough..and I would listen. My kids like some downtime…and I respect that.

Soon enough, my 15 year old won’t be able to just sit around and paint. She will have a job and pay bills…and life will seem so overwhelming…so why do that when they are home with obligations?

As I have watched three walk out my door..:and I’ve made mistakes with all three…one thing I’ve decided to do with #4. Say yea when possible..::and no to overwhelming commitments that don’t allow any downtime…or creativity.

Life and Covid have taught me…it’s ok to not do anything for a day…it’s really ok.