Last week I dropped my son off at the airport. He was headed to Chicago to begin his grown up job…I held it together until the sign that read….airport exit. Then, I just cried all the way home.
There is just something about your firstborn…he was the first to call me Mamma. He was my cuddle bug. He loved naps..he loved his paci and his bluie (blanket that was blue duh).
When he was 9 months old he and I set off on an adventure of our own. I sat and rocked him in his adorable nursery that I had worked tirelessly on…and I packed our bags and left. My husband at the time was inviting others into our marriage…wasn’t coming home at all…and was blaming me…for merely existing. After seeing help from my church and receiving no assistance I left, and went into the arms of my family…and I never looked back.
Over those next three years I will only say to you that l did my very best to provide the best for him…and he helped me through the days I didn’t want to go on…he was special…he is special.
Every parent of every child believes their child is special…because all of them are.
This past week he had to grow up fast…being in a busy city he met the worst and the best of people…and there were days he wanted to leave….but we kept encouraging him to press on.
Yesterday, he called me from his new apartment….and I smiled from ear to ear. All his hard work in school just paid off. He is where he was meant to be…he is so proud of what he has…and it was such an incredible moment.
We as parents, wish the best for our kids and when they finally accomplish those goals I just cannot explain the relief and the joy I get from watching my children succeed. I’m so grateful and so thankful.
I can honestly tell you that there were days that ended in tears through his teen years. Drop off at college was not sad for either one of us…he was happy to be away from us and we were thrilled to be away from him. As I spoke to more parents, I became aware that this is not unusual…that many felt the same way.
There were days I felt like a complete failure as a mother. I would lose my temper…say things I should not. I gave in when I should have held firm…I allowed mediocrity when I should have pushed harder.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent. There are circumstances that are difficult and at the time we make the best decisions we possibly can at the time…and sometimes we make good ones…and sometimes we fall on our faces.
As I get ready to raise the last of our four kids..my husband and I are trying NOT to make the same mistakes with her that we did with the other three. We hope to do a better job with our last baby to leave the nest.
For those of you in the trenches…keep on keeping on…you are not alone. Just keep swimming!
The Reluctant Red Nose 