Charlie

The vet called today letting me know that my dogs ashes were ready to be picked up….I could barely speak as she told me. I couldn’t bear to go today…and I’m not sure I will be able to do it tomorrow.

I should be stronger than I am…but that dog has had my heart from day one.

Charlie was my calm when everything was crazy…Charlie never yelled at me like the teens in my house. He never rolled his eyes..he never said he hated me. Charlie always liked what I was wearing and never judged my makeup…he loved it when I would dress in clown…and sometimes he went with me.

Charlie always greeted me at the door. Charlie always went crazy excited when I come back from a trip…and he loved getting treats. He liked walks and naps and loved it when I rubbed behind his ears. He thought I was the best…and in some weird way…I feel alone now. I miss my friend.

How do you just let something that has been constant for 11 years just go…how do you say…it was just a dog?

I miss how he loved car rides…

I miss how much he loved our customers…

I miss how much he liked our staff….

And how much our staff loved him…

I miss coming down the stairs and seeing him laying in his bed…my routine was Charlie…and I’m out of sorts now that he’s gone…so is my other dog…

The day starts off odd now and ends oddly…the routines we develop and then suddenly stop…are harder to get past then the hurt of the loss…it makes the loss seem greater.

I know Charlie is better off…he isn’t in pain…he isn’t hurting…he could barely walk in the end…but he wanted to stay with us…always…

I feel I betrayed him somehow…and in some weird way I feel he didn’t understand in the end…

I’m mad that our time was cut short…that he was perfectly fine …then all the sudden not…I feel cheated…

I am grateful for his unconditional love and loyalty to me..:I will miss him everyday…

I truly didn’t deserve you Charlie but I pray that you knew you were loved…and that our hearts are broken without you.