It’s Me again….

It’s amazing how quickly time evaporates…

It’s amazing how little I seem to learn along the way. I feel that I keep learning new lessons the old way and am always surprised by them.

Life is busy and full of many challenges…in the need for rest…I find myself battling. Is the rest needed, or is the rest pure laziness. There is a fine line and a hard battle between those two.

I feel that for many of us…we are given a job to do that only we ourselves can fill. We are the only ones they can do the job effectively. However, we make excuses not to do them. Some of these excuses are legitimate. I used to sacrifice my time with my family in order to pour into the lives of those at our previous church. My motives were pure…and even though I know I did some good and helped people…I know I missed out on time with my family that I will never get back.

I now have one last teen at home…so I can feel free to do some of these “obligations” more…because she doesn’t need me constantly like she did when she was little. The ministry becomes a blessing again…instead of a hardship that drains me and makes me feel like I’m choosing between my favorite loves.

Tonight I fought with God a little bit…a camping trip was moved…selfishly I thought to myself…two weeks of camping…but my husband reminded me that we had signed up for things…we had an obligation…and we didn’t take that obligation lightly.

In doing so…this obligation…opened up the door for another opportunity that I had said no to….but it became crystal clear that my answer should be yes…so I did what all well meaning people do 🥴….I made excuses…I argued…I folded laundry and argued with myself more…walked the dog…and before my eyes the trip fell into place..and I was left with no other choice. Reluctantly I made the phone call….I was half expecting them to say they didn’t need me…but the opposite came to be.

The anxiety I felt went away…immediately. I surrendered completely….what would you have me do, what character would you have me be (she picked my favorite) and all at once…that contentment returned…

I don’t have to explain to people why I do what I do….I really don’t….

I didn’t ask for the burden to share laughter with others something to be mine….but whatever reason it is a job that was given to me…

Some days….I don’t want it. I want to sit in the back and disappear…I don’t want to draw attention to myself. I want to be quiet….but at the same time…I know thet isn’t really who I am. I was not made to sit and be quiet…I was made to make you laugh…and I sometimes forget that. I think Covid made me lazy….I still have to push myself to do what I know needs to be done.