Here We Go

I don’t know why January has always been my favorite month…but it has for awhile.

It’s my chance to reevaluate, reset, fresh starts fresh planning.

This year is no different . So far we are on track for work planning, inventory, and One Year Bible track. We are also completely off track for the gym…and we aren’t getting back on track for homeschooling until next week…because my youngest kept doing school while we worked constantly and just now this week, gets an actual break.

I find that this is normally how my life goes…and I’ve finally accepted it. I think if I could tell young mothers one thing…it would be this…and it’s taken me 48 years to figure it out. You will stink at something always. When you are succeeding at something, you are failing at others. It’s the truth…and I’ve learned to accept it…because otherwise, you will always and forever feel unworthy.

When my youngest was little and sick ALL of the time…I was sleep deprived, didn’t get to work out…appearance wasn’t the best…because I was just trying to keep this little human alive…I was trying to keep my husband happy and give attention to my son…I was pretty bad in most areas of life…but I kept the tiny humans alive.

This past December our entire family was sick for the first week of December…we own a store…this was not good…our house was in shambles…I kept the dogs alive…and the humans that lived here. We had Walmart deliver our groceries…Amazon was a huge contender…and the house was a dumpster fire. When I finally returned to work I confess that I did not check for a fever…I just had to get to work. Bills needed to be paid, customers needed things…my staff needed relief. I was a horrible wife, mother and caregiver to my child. My store however, was lovely , we even had freshly baked cookies, and the stir was beautifully decorated. Staff party was had, but I didn’t cook because we had it much later and I was at the store all day…it wasn’t the party I wanted but I had to let something go. Christmas shopping had thankfully been done in November as well as all decorating. I had to say no to special events, turn down opportunities I desperately wanted to be at. I was focused on one goal…my store.

Yesterday, I took down almost all Christmas…I have two trees up, all bare, They are completely ready for winter…but Christmas lights still hang on the outside of the house…and Christmas bulbs are still in the lanterns. My store is Christmas free…and my house is finally getting back to how I like it. Projects are being planned for…school and art and violin are being looked at again. Vacations and work trips are being planned…

New adventures await…and this year…I am looking forward with anticipation the fun that awaits us. Hard work always…but some fun…some signs of relief for the difficulties that we have overcome..and some peace.

When I’m a good store owner, I fail at mothering. When I’m a great mother and homeschool teacher, I fail at a clean house and cooking and laundry. When I’m a great keyboard player (which is never) I’m bad at going to the gym…when I’m great at working out..I’m bad at learning new skills for clowning. It’s just the way it is. I’ve tried for so many years to do all these things with perfection…and they can’t be done.

When I’m great at visiting my parents, I’m horrible at meeting my friends for coffee. When I’m great at going to events for the chamber…I’m horrible at remembering events for homeschooling. I even forget music lessons…

So, this year….

We have one life….and each day we are given choices. We will make mistakes…we will have regrets…but life is a beautiful mix of bad and good. Each day, make the choice to do better….and that’s all we can do. Live in those special moments that we are given each day…and learn that we cannot do it all. We will fail every day…at something…but don’t quit. Keep going.