Finding the Right Lane

Today, we returned to normalcy. I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed my own bed..my shower.

Today, my dogs were dropped back off and my Ozzie ran so hard to the door that the leash came out of the person who watch him hand….same Ozzie same.

As I picked up my order from Sam’s…had my delivery from Walmart. Took my daughter to the orthodontist, and now her two writing classes….I was so thankful…..but again….so torn.

I feel that on a business trip I work soo hard…and when I return the tasks at home seem so much more overwhelming….and I wonder which lane I should be in.

As my husband was discussing business things my mind had a hard time staying on track….

I feel constantly pushed between homeschooling and clowning….and keyboard playing. Then, there are the chores from home, soapmaking….all the things that all of us dabble in.

I’ve decided that this too shall pass. I’ve decided that all my ducks will never be in a row…that time will always evaporate….that I will never be great at everything.

So right now I haven’t made soap since November….we are behind in school since we’ve been away on business…my puppy still likes to pee inside. I have a ton of inventory to put in for Valentine’s Day. I’m clowning at schools and retirement homes and having a hard time focusing on work since my mind keeps moving away to clowning and new ideas for a new program I just started in our community. I have band practice tonight…but have been away so this practice will definitely be scary….

I’m behind in working out….my house is not clean….but my fridge is…because while we were gone I had loads of science experiments going on…I have groceries and half clean laundry!

These are NOT big deals….not in the least….but they can weigh us down if we let them. The perfectionist side of me wants everything to be perfection. The perfectionist side of me wants to do great in all the things…but three years until my homeschool chapter is closed….

And she walks off into this big bad world. After that….bits and pieces of time and phone calls…

I want to relieve my husband from business pressures…I keep making changes….we will get there.

I want to be a funny light in my community….where laughter happens and smiles come out. Where you forget about your troubles…for just a little while.

I want to create beautiful things and see amazing places….experience new things…

I don’t want to sit around…perfect ….and control all the things….life is messy…funny…dirty…terrifying….heartbreaking…stressful…and surprising. Don’t get caught up with what you did wrong…what you failed at…what you are behind on….

Today my lane was orthodontist, food, clean laundry, clean the fridge, get my dogs settled, unpack the suitcases, go to writing classes. Band practice and make dinner….

Tomorrow it will be work, cleaning the house, homeschool lessons. Next week more of the same…the point is…don’t grow weary in the journey. Make sure to put things in there that give you joy…that make you happy…creative. That feed your soul….and remember all of us have a different lane…so keep your eyes on your road…full speed ahead!