Make it Make Sense

Today I went to visit my parents….they live over an hour away…and today I dreaded it with all my being.

It gets very hard when your Dad does not remember your name…today he actually did which was nice…I noticed he called me her and my Mother said..”You mean Jamie?” And he said yes…”Jamie” so I guess that counts.

Today, he thought Christmas was the next holiday and asked my daughter Ellie no less than five times what she wanted for Christmas. He asked if he could get a shot for his disease. Wanted to know if he could get his drivers license back…told me that being able to see well was not important when driving 🤦🏼‍♀️. There were more stories…but I will just leave it at that.

We drove home exhausted…I had answered the same questions….repeated myself a million times and explained where my son was (who hasn’t lived with us in five years). And just for fun, today they had to ask about my dead dog about four times….so yep…I was exhausted mentally.

On the way home…I just listened to praise music and dreamed of the day when we will all be made new….when there will be no more pain and no more tears…..

Tomorrow is the first day of spring. I’m grateful for warmer weather….

I’m grateful for trips that have been put off for four years that finally get to be taken. I’m grateful for my two dogs…my amazing children. I’m grateful for my house, my business, new staff members, and my amazing husband. I’m grateful for customers, and our church and our church family and friends. I’m grateful for sunshine, fresh bread, homemade soap. I’m grateful for decorating for spring and gold bunnies and chocolate…

I’m grateful for all the amazing opportunities that life gives us…I’m grateful for coffee in the morning…umbrellas, warm blankets…hot showers and warm blow dryers. I’m grateful for music and being able to know how to play the piano…I’m grateful for all the amazing people I have met through clowning and so thankful I get to spend a week with these people this summer…..

But today…..today I’m sad….I’m scared this genetic disease will grab me to…and that I will also be a burden to my children…and I really don’t want that.

For today….I’m grateful he knew me…even though he needed a reminder…I’m grateful that he knew my daughter. I’m grateful he likes fried chicken and chocolate cake….and no matter what…he always wants to talk about fishing…for now….that will have to be enough…