Never

February 6th,2023. I decided to be a big girl and go to the doctor. Last year was a crazy whirlwind of travel and work and cleaning house within our business so my hours were long, and there was no time for the doctor. So, I met with her and we scheduled all the tests…and I told her I would like to do the mammogram and Pap smear and all the things in April….because I have a lot going on….and she said ok! Then the nurse came back in and had scheduled a mammogram for me for February 13th….which I was like….that’s not April! I scheduled it early…I wanted to get a lot of things done that day….with the next day being Valentine’s Day I needed to hustle.

February 13th arrived, I showed up for my mammogram and it went as well as ever….the nurse asked me before leaving if I have ever had an abnormal mammogram and I told her just once and then I went about my day….and decided to walk my dog on that glorious sunny day. In the middle of the walk, phone rang and they wanted me to come back for another “look”. That’s happened once before so I wasn’t too super scared….just uneasy….

Back I went and this time they used flatter panels. I have very small and very dense breasts so the technicians have to work very hard to get what they want….I waited about 15 minutes and she came back and told me that they wanted a biopsy that week…so a few days later in I went. Before I go further, I need you to know that the nurses that work at the Breast Center are the most amazing nurses on the planet. They are sweet and kind and they do their best to tell you exactly what is going to be happening next. They deserved to be paid well and treated with respect. They are literally holding your hand as you do the scariest things you have ever done in your life.

So, February 15th I arrived for my Biopsy….some women have gone through this with ease….my nurse later told me that many women have the same experience that I did…we are all different….we all have different experiences.

The biopsy starts with them numbing you…with a very long needle that I didn’t look at…I imagine it to be very long…he numbs you several times….and then this long needle is in your boob and takes about 5-7 minutes for them to get the samples they need while the machine is making this very loud noise….for me they also were putting in a marker so they could watch that spot from now on….the test ended with my hands going numb…the doctor himself getting me to quit bleeding and the nurse getting me water and a cold washcloth because they both thought I was going to faint….after that….I quit bleeding…she needs some more pictures….and the gravity of the situation dawned on me. As I sat there…bloody, tears going down my face…half disrobed….the emotions that came over me….and I wanted to run….but knew I couldn’t…and here comes my cheerleader…my nurse…you are almost done….hold your breath….good job…you are doing great….

I went home….slept and was in a lot of pain for about four days….and then received the call that I indeed have cancer. I have ductal carcinoma in SITU….which basically means they caught it early….my prognosis is very good.

We met with the surgeon on February 20th, he looked at the bruising and swelling and decided to wait until March 6th which we would then do a lumpectomy and a biopsy on lymph nodes to make sure it hasn’t spread. He also wanted me to do a genetic test…if the genetic test came back positive that would mean that I would need a double mastectomy…

The genetic test simply means you spit into this little tube a million times…thankfully the nurse let me spit alone. Also, I now have what they call the “surgical arm” my left arm can’t have blood or blood pressure taken from it ever again and I have to be careful that no sunburn or bug bites….they then measured my arms for elastic sleeves in case of lymphedema which I hope to never need.

The genetic test came back negative which was wonderful! So we proceeded with the surgery for March 6th….

Before the surgery my surgeon ordered two extra tests because he wanted to get it right and didn’t want to have to send me back in which I have heard from several people that they’ve had to do this twice. I first received my IV which did not go well so he had to do it twice….after that the other two tests went well.

The first test was in the same room as my Biopsy. I was smart enough to tell the nurse of my experience and that frankly….I was scared. She told me that she believed that this procedure would not be as painful as the biopsy and she told me everything she was doing. The doctor came in (who happened to be a customer of ours) and he was very kind…his voice very soothing…and he told me every single step he was doing. This particular test begins with them numbing you. Small prick and then a big burn…then there is basically string sticking out of your boob….this is to guide your surgeon so he knows what calcifications (cancer) to remove. There are strings sticking out but they tape it down…no I didn’t look at it….and yes….after this procedure they wanted more pictures as well. My nurse held my hand….told me what was going on and let me squeeze as hard as I wanted and told me I was doing great. Back to the room I went to await the next test.

This next test I got to stay in my bed which was probably good since I got my foot stuck in the wheelchair (do not ask). My husband just put his head in his hands…🤡 I apparently needed to clown….so I did. I figured out somehow how I did it and got myself out of it….the nurses were still talking about it when they finally took me to surgery…they said they were going to talk about it from now on…so I guess I am famous now.

The second test went on in a room that said “radioactive” everywhere. The nurse I had for this one reminded me of my childhood friend…and I so needed her. the doctor and the nurse told me that it would take them longer to set up for this then the procedure.

This particular procedure consisted of a green dye that would need to be put in an hour before my surgery so it would show the doctor exactly what lymph nodes to extract…they took five . This test consist of four pricks around the nipple and the green dye going in.the nurse allowed me to squeeze her hand and reminded me to breathe…this particular test really wasn’t that bad.

Back to my room I went…and my husband found clown jokes to tell as we waited to go into surgery.

They finally came to get me…they laughed and joked and it was very calming…I have never had surgery before so it was nerve wracking. They told me exactly what they were doing and what would be cold touching me etc….then I took three deep breaths and then woke up in recovery.

Apparently during surgery I broke out in hives and was having trouble breathing so they gave me an antihistamine which made me so super groogy I do not remember much of that ride home at all.

I am now at day 5 post op….I am very tired…and very grumpy. Last night I loooked at my scars…the scar goes clear across my breast and I have another scar where the lymph nodes were removed and my breast looks like it is completely misshapen…so I’m not exactly sure how long this will take to heal or what it will look like…..

So for now….I am tired…I am grumpy…

March 26th I go back to the surgeon and then he will let me know when radiation starts….

I know I should be thankful and I am….but this year I just wanted to turn 50….I wanted to go camping…and I just want to be done with all this crap…..