End

I think I spend a strange amount of time thinking about death….perhaps because lately it surrounds me…it is in all my thoughts and all my dreams.

Since I was a small child, heaven was always taught to be on our minds. If you didn’t grow up in a Baptist church this may sound very foreign to you. I was brought up in a very legalistic church. My view of God as a child was to fear God. I did good things so that God would be pleased with me and always worried it wasn’t good enough. I know many friends of the Catholic faith and they have struggled with this as well.

God is a touchy subject…I have friends that believe in God and I have friends that do not and some are undecided.

I have walked through quite a few fiery trials…and am walking through another as we speak. God has given me the strength each and every time…and I can count the ways He has never failed me…but today…I am grieving…I am aware of this weird space between life and death we all live.

I have never wanted to talk to my Dad so badly in my entire life….I feel he is giving up…and I feel cheated…

I had fishing stories to tell him….even ones about the one who got away…

He always knew where to go to get things fixed…he installed lights and ceiling fans…built kitchen cabinets and my first playhouse…he could build anything.

He would race me to the car and always let me win but sometimes he let me feel he was gonna win but in the end I always pulled through….

He had a song he sang that I need to see if he can remember “I see the moon and the moon sees me” and I can’t remember the rest!!!

This is me, in the front, when we moved my playhouse to where we were going to live.

Now he is in the nursing home, my Mom is distraught about it…she doesn’t understand, and she’s never been away from him before…..

I used to fear death…but I know that someday when I get to heaven…

I picture this is how I will greet Jesus….all the whys will be answered…no more pain….no more tears….just joy. Then a visit with all those who went before me….