I cried a lot last night….went to bed too late….alarm went off and my body said….nope. I got up at 6:15….annoyed. Got to work at 8 instead of 7:30….on my day off because that’s how it rolls when you own your own business.
Accomplished a lot in two hours and then headed to the cancer center to pick up my solution to drink for the CT Scan. I should stop in there everyday…the three receptionist still have their chickens…still remember me…compliment me….they are special. They remember the names of all the cancer patients that walk through those doors…and they made something scary feel like it would be ok.
Made it through my CT scan with flying colors….weirdest sensation ever….I thought I had peed my pants but the nurse assured me I indeed had not…my scan was clear….and that’s a relief.
I look back at the last seven months and the things that used to bother me that now I do not think about.
This place now gives me comfort….it is like a club we never wanted to join but all the nurses I have ever had here have been such a treasure….I have to meet with two oncologist this week….and it no longer bothers me.
These don’t bother me….and I am glad for pretty tattoos…they hide the blood.
Right now I feel like I am on a ship that is sinking very slowly….things aren’t bad….they aren’t awful…they are just hard. There is no security in anything. I feel that everything is uncertain. I can’t think of my Dad without crying so I do my best to not think about him.
I worry about the store and groceries and bills…like every other American does right now and I wonder will it always feel this way?
I think back to Covid and I feel as I did during that time….very uncertain…..
How do you find peace and joy in uncertain times and uncertain budgets? How do you not have your stomach wadded into worry daily…..
You count the gifts….you keep going….you enjoy…mums ♥️
The Reluctant Red Nose 