Seen

I was gifted a lovely little frame with a beautiful saying from my Secret Santa….and it brought tears to my eyes….

I think at that moment I felt seen….

I have done hard things this year…..and at that moment I felt that someone was saying….I know it’s been hard but I am proud of you.

Most of our battles are fought alone….when my first husband died and I had a toddler to raise and had days where I wasn’t sure how I had strength to keep going….somehow I reached down inside and pulled up my big girl panties….but really my son kept me from giving up…I could not quit.

When I did radiation and learned to count the rotations …I was alone…I had to fight alone. Then I either went home or back to work….and no one besides those close to me…knew how terrifying it all is…:

Have you sat in the cancer center? If you are like me whether you like it or not…people are just drawn to me and tell me absolutely everything….I think they know they are safe with me…and sometimes people just need to vent. Bald heads that walk by are badges of honor. Here you will not hear much about the weather….most of us are happy to be here….many know how delicate life is…it is not promised…it weighs on all of us who walk through those doors.

Every month when I go to the pharmacist and she announces the drug I am taking to keep my cancer from returning….I know I should be grateful…but for a moment….anger surfaces….as I watch people drink Diet Coke by the gallons and shove fast food down their faces…and here I am with my sparkling water…really feeling that I am living the life. Or seems unfair…I wonder what I did wrong.

Life is never fair…there are many who fought harder than I…who have endured much more pain than me…and in the end…they lost the battle way before they should have…and their family has to fight through the huge gaping holes their family members leave behind.

As I wrap presents this year….I wonder if the 2023 me would have believed all the 2024 me did?

I will not lie and tell you how happy I am to kick this year to the curb…but I also can’t say that I didn’t learn a lot about myself…and that I can do really hard things…and this year….I plan to kick some more you know what!

Now go and enjoy your Christmas!