The End

We waited about a week….we worried….we cried. We talked to him, we played music and we held his hands.

Selfishly, I wanted him to wake up….I wanted him to not have Dementia anymore. I was angry because I felt robbed…we had such few moments of clarity with him.

Two weeks ago he was celebrating his 91at birthday and eating lemon meringue pie…we had a great visit….and now…it’s over.

Even though he didn’t always make sense….I still had him….i could still hear his voice….I could still hold his hand..I could still kiss the top of his head.

Tonight as I write this unable to sleep, tucked under the quilt my grandmother made and my mother gave me….I know he is happy. I know he is whole. I know his mind is restored. I know his body no longer aches.

Today I spent three hours at the funeral home. We have a huge family….and there are several decisions to be made. It was a great distraction. I had to get a haircut today and I just started crying in the middle of it. At Chic Fil a, they asked how my day was going….I lied….and said fine….what else should I say…. My Dad died…let me ruin your day as well.

Yesterday as I sat by Dad’s bedside comforted by the sound of his breathing , I wrote his tribute….his breathing changed about 4:30 and then it leveled out….I left around 5:30 or 6. Before I left I told Dad that he was going to wait until I left before he went home and his eyebrows went up…..and then five hours after I left that’s just what he did.

My family has never been great during a crisis….we are a little too dramatic….

When my first husband was killed in a car accident, Dad sat behind me for “moral” support, however, he was crying even louder and sniffling more than me….it did however create some much needed humor in a very difficult situation.

Dad has always been the softie, the gentle one, the one where we knew we were safe.

How we are going to do this and move forward I do not know….but we are going to do our best to make him proud of us…..

And yes, tomorrow is my birthday….and no, I wish it was not.