Today I put my Mom in a nursing home closer to me. The one she was in she shared with my Dad and it was the only lock down facility in that town. It was not our favorite but it was the best we could do at the time. My Dad was never treated badly…the people there were kind….just not enough help for what they needed.
Today as I was moving mom I saw Dads comforter that I had bought him, laying at the nurses station. We donated it to the home for someone to use. He was so excited for it…he kept asking me if it was his to keep….and the reality of what is hit me in a wave…his slippers laying on top…and I thought to myself how unfair life is…how much I hate that my Dad is gone.
I knew it would be a change for my Mom….and it has been. She has yelled at me and told me what a horrible daughter I am….and I know it’s not her saying it….but it still hurts.
Last October we had to put our Dad in a home after finding him walking the streets and all the things….Mom called myself and other sisters complaining about the other. How we don’t care….how she should just go run into the street and end it all…and then she told me that I dropped her off in a hell hole…..
I give you the hell hole:
When I went back later she had calmed down….only to get all upset around 8 pm….which is completely normal for her.
My Mother lost her soulmate three weeks ago….and we all miss him terribly….Dad was funny and easy going ….
I feel my body tense…the pressure is rising as everything around me seems to be imploding….it seems as if the game of WAC A mole , is here again.
I keep thinking “just keep swimming” like things will get better…:but can I be honest? It’s just a continual crap show that seems to be never ending.
I am trying to pick up hobbies to calm my mind and spirit….
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4th of July is on its way….maybe some relaxation and fun will be coming soon.
We will keep on thrifting…..
Went to decorate Dads grave
Flower garden is starting to bloom……
Keep on swimming…..
The Reluctant Red Nose 