Lately, a healing in my soul has started coming…..
I felt it last night sitting around with new friends and laughing. I felt it when I looked at a picture on my phone of my Dad and didn’t cry. I felt it when I realized Dad could tell my first husband all the things our son Trey had accomplished. That Dad could tell him that I had made it….in spite of him…I was ok.
The healing started as I went to the garden and felt the wind and heard the wind chines….I felt the healing when I could finally raise my arms up without pain….and the aching of my body from cancer drugs was something that I am used to and how I am learning to push through the pain.
Last night in my dream I could hear my Dad….how excited he always was for the smallest things….this time it was an ice cold Pepsi and how he would say “oh yeah!” As he took a huge sip….how he would talk to you about anything…..and I k ow he’s doing that again in heaven….and I felt better.
The healing came as I kissed my Mothers cheek and she laughed….healing came when she said she sees Dad sit in the back porch of the nursing home….I didn’t argue….maybe that’s her way of dealing with grief….
I felt the healing come as I worked on embroidery….how I do not know….but stress leaves me….
I felt it when I was asked to clown and I said yes….because I haven’t been able to say yes in such a long time….
I have quit saying this year will be better….instead I take the moments of life that are simple….and move with that….
Flowers, cool breezes, vegetables I grew, strawberry jam, dogs that unconditionally love us…beautiful artwork, good books with pretty covers and purple pages….
The smell of lavender….in everything and everywhere….I cannot get enough.
Life is a battle….but hold on….it is beautiful….keep fighting….do not give in and give up.
The Reluctant Red Nose 