I returned from clown camp and found myself at the doctors office and then to the hospital for two separate ultrasounds….nothing huge just two cysts on my ovaries and my body is super mad at me for being a woman.
Having cancer previously, means that doctors run tests immediately and leave no stone unturned…I appreciate their thoroughness, but sometimes wish they would just chill….but that will never happen and I have to be grateful they care about me.
It’s been a thousand degrees and I keep thinking fall thoughts but the heat still marches on….
I went and visited my Mother today….each visit becomes more clear that she is not the woman who raised me anymore. Today she introduced me as her sister….her sister passed away a few days before my Dad died.
As I sat next to my Mother who could not remember what she had for lunch…let alone breakfast….I laughed to myself as I realized what life has become….the hats I wear and the battles I face….we all face.
The burden of having adult children who live far away. My last child getting ready to leave the nest and making sure she has all she needs. Such a tough two years for her…both of her parents had cancer and the only grandfather she knew passed away five days after her 18th birthday.
Having a business and being responsible for all the things…..life sometimes feels impossible.
Starting out at a new church…new friends….no longer playing in band.
Reinventing my clown character and getting ready to start that up again….maintaining the house….working out….hobbies of camping and gardening and just the everyday habits of cooking and cleaning and having dogs….the everyday struggles of laundry and dishes and keeping all the plates spinning…..and then all of the sudden….here comes dementia….here comes your Mom….no longer someone I recognize….and now it feels that I am alone….both of my parents are gone.
My Mother was a perfectionist….I don’t remember her really being funny…that was always my Dad😳😳😳but this I do remember….
My mother always made holidays special and Halloween was always a good one….
Christmas was of course my favorite….she always made my nieces and nephews and me something homemade….one year she made us all dogs….
This year I will have the manger scene that I loved as a child…:
Today, my Mother thought someone was my Dad that wasn’t and I made her mad when I told her that he wasn’t. In true Mother fashion she informed me my pants were too tight….and without missing a beat I replied….
There’s my Mom! Laughter is always the best option….
I choose to remember her how she was growing up….
Fantastic seamstress….holidays made special…always yelling at my Dad….always a bad cook…but our house was pretty…
And oh how I miss talking to my parents. More than I ever thought I would.
The Reluctant Red Nose 