Season

I haven’t clowned since clown camp….I seem to keep that part of me knit closely to my chest right now….I just don’t feel qualified to necessarily bring that kind of joy.

My clown family is extremely important to me….when you go through big things and people who see you once a year for 24 hours a day for a week….you bond with them….theywill never NOT be extremely important to me.

My youngest is going away to college at the same time clown camp is….snd even though I love my clown family….I am a Mom first….it breaks my heart but me and my clown besties will return in 2027.

The past two years have been difficult. I lost my father last year and went through breast cancer in 2023….I am still receiving hormonal treatments and oncology appointments every three months. It is wearing on me….my body hurts but I keep pressing on.

My Mother right now is in a nursing home and she has dementia….not as bad as my Dad but wouldn’t be able to care for herself. A month ago she got Covid and we did not think she would make it but miraculously she pulled through.

I have a store with employees and customers and it requires a lot of my time.

My daughter is ending her senior year and finalizations for that ceremony and figuring out where she should go….there are two choices of places she’s been accepted to.

Right now my red nose doesn’t bring me joy…..I am not quitting but I am in a funk I just can’t seem to get out of.

For now my thrifting hobbies and garden hobbies and needle point and reading and embroidery are giving me life….and I’m just going to embrace this season….and keep trying to find my clown heart once again.