Author: jme71te

Today started week four at the gym! Now I find myself looking forward to it! My arms are getting firmer…legs are starting to show very slight definition…I’m pleased so far.

The happiest part is working out with my daughter. When she isn’t taking her swim intensive class for swim team, she works out with me. I can’t stress how important it is for young girls to be able to speak their frustrations about their bodies to their mothers, who can then guide them in a positive manner.

I canNOT stress enough how important it is at this awkward stage to let her know how beautiful she is. She is tall and has amazing long and curly hair. She wears braces and glasses…and is so smart and so artistically talented. She is very independent. A great thinker liked her father, funny but dry sense of humor like her dad. She is tall like her Dad….but that quirky side of her? That is totally…..me. That graceful side…me again🥴.

If you want to know why I don’t have a scale in my bathroom…ask 16 year old me…and she will gladly tell you. Years of being told I wasn’t good enough…I finally found something I could control. In a completely unhealthy way…at my worst I was down to 92 lbs…I still have the pictures….so I never forget.

It is easy to criticize those that battle their weight. Easy to look past the pain of those who seem to have it all together.

Today, in the locker room at my gym…a beautiful girl who worked hard to have her amazing body was filming herself on social media…to just say exactly that. I giggled to myself because I can never imagine being brave enough to start filming myself in a busy locker room. However, I guess if I looked like her I might not care. It’s so easy to make assumptions…I did it almost immediately as well.

Whatever your battling this year…your body, your mind, your finances….just get in each day and get it done.

I have been more productive in the last month than I have in quite some time. We are motivated to get more done. We are further in school, I’ve taken up playing piano again. I’ve been reading more. I’ve been taking time to do more hobbies…all because I feel more motivated.

I’m not telling you my tummy is all the sudden flat and my arms have amazing definition. In fact, unless you are my husband, you probably would not notice…but I do and he does…and that gives me enough motivation to continue on.

I have set a goal of six weeks….and then I will get something I’ve been wanting for a very long time…meanwhile, here’s another hobby I got to dabble in today!

Remember, those with goals…accomplish more than those with no goals.

Keep on…you can do it!

The snow has been falling….and my heart is happy. It is funny how one persons joy can make others soo mad.

How can you be mad when you see this kind of beauty?

The cold has now really come….and even though having my teeth hurt when I go outside is NOT my ideal thing…I still love that all the bugs are dying.

I love that Covid hospitaliZations are now at 18 in our city….an all new low!

I love that my Chiefs went to the Super Bowl…..

While everyone is talking about how horrible my team is and how awesome that other person is …let me remind you that we were missing several key players….and also let me remind you of a certain persons behavior and how classless it was and the refs still sided with him…

However. We will be back….and I’m not worried…but it has been a relief to fight about normal things instead of the President or Covid.

It took me a minute to realize it….but we are all finally discussing normal things. After a year, we are finally back to fighting about football.

I have been a Chiefs fan from the earliest of ages…I was a fan before it was cool. It’s where I grew up. It’s where I am from…it’s the city that made me me and my whole life and who I am.

I drove by that stadium every day from the first time I learned how to drive…

I got excited year after year….and disappointed year after year. I taught my son to be a fan…and how hard it was to be one.

It wasn’t always easy…but you stick with your team. I have no doubt we will be back…

I believe!

There are days lately that I still feel very much like this little girl used to feel. Scared to get in the big bus and go to school. This picture was me going into first grade. I went to a private school…and I was a horrible student…a dreamer.

I would daydream as the teacher was talking…I didn’t mean to, I just did. I came up with the most clever jokes and made the mistake of telling them to my friends sitting around me. Their laughter would always get me in trouble…but it never mattered…because the whole point was to make them laugh. I never cared about much else.

I had a horrible temper…and was very loyal to my friends. I forgave poorly and held grudges…but I was always known as the funny one.

Teachers hated me…my fifth grade teacher gave me the name Miss Dot after the polka dot dress I had on…and the fact I was completely clueless as to what he was talking about when he called on me. Apparently we were talking about the clock and he was asking what time it was. I believe I had a sarcastic comment and he thought he would be funny and call me Miss Dot. I never got his joke, nor did I ever wear that dress again…

However, nearly 30 years later….it became the perfect name for her….

This week I plan on revealing a slightly upgraded character from this one….so stay tuned.

I canNOT believe that it’s been a year since I’ve made anyone smile…while in clown….

However, I have high hopes. The cases keep going down…more things keep happening enabling us to return to normal life, and even fighting about sports has made me feel like some sort of normalcy is returning!

I almost threw my clown hat in….I almost gave it up completely. I would have, if I hadn’t had so many people tell me NOT to stop.

Please know how many people that you touched by getting me to NOT quit. I don’t take that responsibility lightly and will do my best to continue to train and learn new things…to keep the laughter going!

May you look around and see the good….find joy in the normal….and be grateful for the beautiful snow…she is a true beauty! She’s really showing off this year for all of us!

Last night, I stood in my living room as four of the most beautiful souls entered into it. It has been almost three years since we have seen them. It was eighteen months since we had seen them and then Covid hit, making another year go by.

When one of your besties moves to the other side of the world, it kind of becomes overwhelming. I’m not sure there are too many that found that this year was not overwhelming.

For those of you that know me…know that crying doesn’t come easily…and when I do cry…either I’m very angry…or someone is dying. I just don’t do it.

She hugged me, and I hugged her…and then I sobbed…like loud sobbing…

I didn’t realize how much I had missed her…how much I needed her touch and her hug. Our daughters giggled and smiled all night long…finally together again and our husbands talked well into the late evening.

Friends are important…friends are what keeps us grounded and keeps us pushing onward. When we don’t have that support group anymore…we begin to lose our zest for life. Negative thoughts can go unchecked because we have no one else to share our opinions with. We have slowly and carefully began to go into friend groups again…with great caution.

The hardest part of covid has been the part you can’t see. The part that makes us human…the part that makes all of life worth it. The smiles you give to another, a kind word, a compliment. You never see these things in the animal world…they don’t say to each other that they are having an awesome hair day. This is only a human attribute that we are greatly lacking right now because we have been doing our best to keep everyone as safe as possible…but in that…we have lost touch with one another.

Even though I own a business, work out safely at a gym, attend a church with a mask mandate as well…and see lots of people…I still miss that human touch. That hug, that special smile…and I had no idea until she hugged me and the tighter she hugged me the more I cried…because I was so I overwhelmed at finally being able to see her. There’s just something about someone who knows all your dirt…the good and the bad of you. No need to explain yourself because she already knows…that can’t be bought…that can’t be explained.

I pray as the vaccines start rolling out, and as we all begin to recover slowly…that everyone will take extra time for the hugs…and the tears…because they will come…and they will surprise you…but that’s ok…let them come!

I live in the Midwest. It snows here, but every year people seems surprised. The beauty of the snowfall never gets old…but it’s always covered in negative people who shout how much they hate it. The snow doesn’t care…and neither should I.

As I drove around town this afternoon, I saw kiddos sledding. I saw men and women shoveling sidewalks with Chiefs gear on…and it almost made me cry with happiness.

I was so very grateful for normalcy. Dogs running down the fence row barking at each other. They were happy because their owners were home and they had been let out.

Whoever thought that normal things that we always took for granted, would be so needed.

I’ve been reading a book that is about literally rewiring your brain into positive thinking. It is soo hard.

I could have taken my drive today and instead of seeing the beauty, I could feel the cold. I could be in a bad mood because my car is dirty, and now my floors in my store are as well. I could hate coats and gloves and all cold weather gear….or, I could see the beauty…the joy. I could be excited our beloved Chiefs are going to the super bowl. I could be thrilled that the numbers in our hospital in our area are the lowest they have been since May. I could be thrilled that our city is running and doing well…or I could concentrate on the bad things going on in our city.

I could complain about our President…or I could pray for him. I could be overwhelmed with all the duties that have been made mine…or grateful for doctors and modern medicine.

I could be mad my son doesn’t have all I’m person classes at his university, or I could be just excited about all the amazing opportunities that he is getting right now

Life is heavy….things right now cannot be controlled and many of us are at a loss. However. I can continue to be a light to those that around me. I could make life happier for everyone around me simply because I focus on the good.

My house is warm. I have plenty of food. I have great kids and a great husband. I have a great store and live in a sweet and supportive community with amazing people.

Turn off the noise…change the toxic thoughts…and imagine life in the positive. It’s a constant job…but one I’m sure will be worth the challenge!

I think that is my word for the year. Who knows? I think sometimes it’s ok to let the year tell you how to change. After last year, I almost feel like it’s crazy to make a plan for the year because life can’t really be planned like it used to be anymore. I hope that someday that will change…but with this pandemic and the crazy of life…it just feels heavy and out of control.

Last year I think I can define as many have, as disappointing and learning to be flexible while slightly panicked. I also feel that for my family, my anxiety was for naught. God took care of our needs and a lot of our wants and we learned to be creative with travel.

Right now, there still seems to be this edge in the air that I actually thought would be dissipating, but it doesn’t seem to be happening. It seems to be just getting worse.

I cant change our country or the feelings that everyone seems to be feeling…but I can change me.

Tonight….as I worked out on a stair climber…I looked outside the huge windows of my gym and saw the most amazing sunset. It was as if God was wrapping His arms around me and saying He sees me…and He is the same today, tomorrow and forever .

I want to conquer so many things this year…but one of the biggest is fear and negative thoughts. Today, I heard some very hard news about my Dad. I was the comforter instead of him comforting me. All I could think of to make him feel better was take him by Chic Fil A. It worked! He was much happier when I dropped him off at home then he was in the neurologist office.

Life makes no promises on happiness. Today, I was grateful for cotton candy sunsets, chicken sandwiches and patient and caring nurses that take their jobs very seriously.

I am grateful for rowing machines that let me take out my aggressions on them as I continue to conquer my goal for 2021.

What is on your “conquer” list?

The older we become , the more regrets we have.

I remember being in college, my life seemed to stretch for miles in front of me. Who would I marry? What career would I have? How many children? Just exactly where would life take me?

Then the next minute I’m sore for running a mile on a treadmill…and I find myself with regrets.

Getting older means looking back on life and taking inventory of our accomplishments as well as our failures. The list of failures for me would probably fit easily in a book. That realization of failure makes me want to climb under the covers and never come out.

The days you get off the sofa and come out swinging is where your character really shows. On the days you feel defeated, the days you feel it’s too hard and the days you feel your mistakes outnumber your successes is the day you need to fight harder than ever.

My trophies and medals are on display….in my laundry room 🥴. They mean a lot to me and I appreciate them…but they don’t deserve a prominent place in my home. I’m grateful for being recognized and happy that my hard work was noticed…but all awards fade…and all applause is drowned out…by the whisper of lies that is given to me and to you. The lies that no matter what good you accomplish that you are not worthy of the Saviors love.

I have disappointed people. I have hurt people with mean words said with hatred and fear…and that is what those people will always think of when they think of me. I believe that if you are a semi nice person, that realization can be crippling.

We have a choice when we make mistakes. We can either own it and move on…or we can wallow in it. I personally like to do a little bit of both.

If you were raised in an environment that was extremely negative and you never felt worthy, this can make you feel that you are indeed worthless.

Today, I am sad and feel quite inadequate. When I feel this way, my first instinct is to retreat, withdraw, wither, and completely pull the covers over my head and never get out of bed.

I want to quit all the things that bring me joy. I want to go live in a deserted cabin and whittle wood. Ok…I have no idea how to whittle.

I’m so glad that my Savior does not love me like that. I’m grateful that I can come to Him and He will forgive me completely. I’m so glad that He does not hold my wrongs against me and compare them to my good deeds. I’m so grateful that after I confess and He forgives it is forgotten and I am washed clean. I’m so glad that I don’t have to work my way to forgiveness or His love. Because I will never ever be good enough. My flesh is weak and I am selfish. Thankful that He knows this about me as well.

For now…I’m slowly getting back up….wiping myself off…and moving forward. I have no idea how long that will take me to regain confidence. I have no idea how I will do it….bit by bit….I will keep charging ahead. Thankful for the unexpected surprises of encouragers that He sends my way.

I needed today. I needed to do things I don’t normally do.

We are taking this week off. We needed a break after Christmas and all the craziness that goes on with that. We are very grateful for the amazing Christmas we had but it is mentally and physically exhausting. Plus having two staff members quit two days before Christmas makes it even more exhausting. The challenges of owning a small business this year have been very challenging, and we both feel it.

Today, I took my daughter to a few of my favorite shops downtown and it was medicine to my soul….

Isn’t it funny how when we start just having conversations with strangers how that heals our hearts. It was so nice to converse with people today. I love the owner of this plant store. She’s soo sweet. She took an interest in my daughter and her questions and now my daughter decided she loves plants to!

I cannot tell you what to think politically, or how to vote. I don’t want to have a conversation with you about what’s wrong with the government. I don’t want to hear the words Covid or censorship or vaccinate or not to vaccinate. I just want to see you smile. I just want to hear your story. I just want to listen to how you’ve made it through this horrible year.

I want to hear about your time missed with family. I want to hear about friends you’ve lost. I want to hear about things you have missed and what you can’t wait to do. I want to hear about the good as well. New adventures you took..things you ended up liking that you never thought you would…and what changes that made for you.

So many want to start the conversation with things we cannot control. I voted, I made my vote count…and that is what is within my power. The rest is up to me in how I speak to those who have different opinions than me.

I miss traveling. I miss being in different cultures and different ideas. I miss seeing the other side of things. I miss so much of what I used to take for granted . Never thinking twice about it.

I feel that being in our own houses, separated from everyone has made us think that things are worse than they really are. That the media is telling us that things are horrible and that we all should feel helpless…but I don’t feel that all is lost yet…

My hope is in Jesus. Not who is in the white house. No matter who is in the Oval Office, there has always been difficulties.

I pray doe peace within our nation. I pray for the end of coronaviris. I pray for no more suffering. I pray that we can travel and go places and no more masks.

For now, I ask you to get out…speak to your local citizens…and start being the positive change we all need to see.

Today, I slept in until almost 9 am. There were no interruptions of power going out. I opened my curtains and saw white stuff on the ground. I let my dog out and there was sleet coming down which changed over to big white fluffy flakes. It was like I was little all over again!

I used to despise the snow…I hated how my car would get gross inside and out. I hated driving in it. I hated the boots and all the gear and bundling up the kids…and the soggy boots. The dog and his wet paws…I hated it all.

Then, my kids got bigger. We ditched the mini van. My perspective changed…and I changed how I looked at the world.

I have been wanting a big snow for awhile. We just kept getting ice…and today…I got my wish…

Snow is peaceful…it hushes everything. It costs everything and makes it beautiful. I think that’s why I love it so much. It feels like the cleansing of your soul. The absolute beauty just completely overwhelms me.

As I stood at the window drinking coffee as the flakes got bigger…I was reminded of all that I had to be grateful for.

This year has taught us all the good and bad of people. We have been able to see the most selfish among us…to the true heroes. The toilet paper hoarders and those that go the extra mile.

We’ve all watched small business owners rise up, when the big box stores gladly took their extra share. We’ve watched people gifted in sewing donate their time and efforts to make sure people had masks. We’ve heard the people claim masks don’t work (I admit I felt that way in the beginning). We’ve seen the good, the bad and the ugly of our fellow man.

Today, felt like a promise. A day of beauty after all the ugly this year has given us. A chance to be quiet and listen as even nature hushes the universe. A chance to start fresh…as we begin a new year.

Happy New Year!

My father has always been the strongest man I know. He could fix anything. He would call me and tell me to make sure my hose was not connected to the house in the winter. He did countless home improvement projects for my sisters and myself. Taught me how to properly paint. Taught me how to keep meticulous records of my oil changes. Taught me how to drive in the snow, and always keep your gas tank at least halfway full.

He taught me how to drive in the city, and when to use my blinker and when to not. He taught me how to merge on the Highway, and to Never stop. He taught me how to work hard, and never give up. He taught me how not to be taken advantage of and how to stand up for myself. He taught me how to ride a bike by pushing me down a hill on a gravel road, and yes I did figure it out. He took me camping and fishing and canoeing and taught me how anything can be fixed.

He had a great sense of humor…was never shy and was the hardest working man I know. Working seven days a week at General Mills so my sister and I could go to a private school and live in a nice house.

For the past couple of years I’ve helped with a few things. Taking he and my mother to doctor appointments and helping them with the checkbook (something my dad could always do with ease). During Covid I did a lot…and then the last six months what I had feared came true.

Not sure if you have ever sat in a doctors office and listened to the answers your father has given to the doctor and cried on the inside…but that’s what happened. As he struggled to answer the questions of what season we were in and what month…I felt helpless and sad.

The doctor confirmed what I already knew…he said it to me low enough so that my Dad couldn’t hear. Some type of Alzheimer’s…not sure what one. He prescribed medication to begin immediately and then we have more appointments with the neurologist to confirm the doctors opinion.

When my mom went in to get my dads pills my Dad continually kept saying how dumb he felt for giving the wrong answers…my only reply I could give is that sometimes I forget what day it is…because I do.

I haven’t allowed myself to cry yet…the doctor says he’s hoping this will slow it down…

Will time just slow down? Can we all just get back to when things were happy and people were not sick and life was beautiful!?

Why does life has be to be soo cruel and take people before I’m ready to say goodbye? I have no idea what to expect…I have no idea how to navigate…but I will figure it out one day at a time.

My dad made my daughter a duplicate of my playhouse he made for me when I was a little girl. I will never part with it….

Oh life you are hard…

Normally January is my favorite month. It’s my planning month. It’s the month that I can reflect, be still…watch snow fall with a cozy cup of coffee. Walk around with no makeup on and leggings and warm socks while the washer is going and the crockpot is making some amazing soup…and I’m helping my daughter with homeschooling. Those are my favorite days. The “at home” days.

I usually plan clowning events for the year until summer…plan the themes for which I will do games at the retirement homes. I plan for teaching courses….but as for everyone, this year is different.

I sat down this evening, and I changed some things. My husband went to bed early, because the holidays always kick us in the butt…and the anxiety of this year has been no different, it’s added to the already stressful times of year. As I folded laundry, cleaned the kitchen, paid the bills…And I thought about what I could be Intentional about this year.

My husband and I are in the market for a rowing machine. I’ve done running…and after breaking my leg on a 5K race…I’m sure that I will never feel confident enough to run again…but I still want to be fit. This year I wanted to replace my rugs. Get a new couch and update a few pieces in my wardrobe and take advantage of some shoe sales…which I have done.

Like most Americans…I usually don’t put much thought into purchases…it’s cute…ok…let’s have it…but there’s this age you become…where you just want to vomit if one more thing comes into your house. Right now the sales are extreme as the retailers make their last push to get rid of winter products before they launch spring. Can I just say how irritating that is. It’s barely winter…and if I lose all the gloves in my house…I will only be able to purchase swimsuits in February NOT gloves. In other years this would annoy me slightly…with Covid it enrages me…where are we all going in swimsuits? We can’t go anywhere yet anyway!!!!

For awhile now, I’ve tried to do the rule of whatever I bring into my house….something else must go. It’s been working….but that urge, that panic that sets in that I just may not have a sweater to wear for the winter feels real…even though it isn’t. The latest and greatest toothbrush that sanitizes, I should have that…because you know….Covid. If I don’t have this in my house I would be ready for “the gram”.

Today We cleaned. We purged…we cooked, we did laundry…and turned off the noise. Sometimes the noise is what you think brings you joy. You only need to turn it off to realize the immediate calm that fills your soul.

My dog Charlie is happy Christmas is over…he has his favorite spot back….

I hope the next few days you will enjoy some sparkle lights a bit more…and realize…we all don’t need all the things…that won’t bring you joy…just clutter and a skinnier wallet.