Author: jme71te

Last week my baby boy was home from college and we celebrated his birthday…and we hada lovely time with him…

The week was fabulous and ended well…but alas it did end…and he has to go back to his town and his job and his apartment and his life. I winced when he called it home….but that’s what we are supposed to do…give them wings.

Saturday, my husband and I worked at our store and then went out. It was a lovely night. Actually warm enough to walk around outside. Our town was being very cautious with mask wearing and supporting small businesses and as a small business owner…nothing makes me happier.

I was actually giddy…a fabulous meal with a lovely waitress…it felt like forever since we had done that.

Sunday our daughter was baptized. She has been wanting to do this for a long time../but finally got up the courage to do it.

She then had a violin recital….and that was awesome as well.

In years past….I would have taken these events for granted. Concentrated on the negative…instead of looking at the weekend and the glorious beauty of just living a normal life feels like.

I’m so tired of washing masks daily…I’m so tired of not being able to hug people. However, because we have become more serious about masks the numbers are going back down…and that makes me so very happy.

I admit in the beginning that I believed the CDC and thought the masks were ineffective …but now I see with my own eyes…that they are what allows us to remain open and continue on with somewhat of a normal life.

I pray that holidays finds you well and happy. I pray you remember your fellow man and be socially responsible.

I slept soo good last night. There is nothing better than going to bed knowing all your children are safe in their beds. Tonight, will be the last time for a very long time before that happens again.

No one tells you about the good night kiss and good night hugs that you take for granted now. When all our kids were little we prayed together and tucked them in. With my youngest, I held her and kissed her a thousand times… I hope she remembers that.

Our house was always noisy…but now…it’s quiet..with the occasional thumping around of our 13 year old.

I opened the door to my college sons room…the mess is the same…. but now I don’t care.

My favorite time of the day is early evening…time for dinner and all activities coming to an end….but now when the sun begins to set, the ache I cannot describe. The pain becomes almost paralyzing. I don’t want him to go back to school and his apartment and his job…but I know he must. Those times of hugging and kissing his little head are gone. He know hovers over me…and sometimes I catch my breath as he changes before my eyes from the tiny toddler to the man.

Oh mammas…watching your boys grow up goes as fast as the sun going down at night. You think you have hours…but it turns into just moments.

I hope he always longs for home. I hope he always misses my cooking…and I hope he always knows how much better I sleep when I know he’s in his bed asleep under the same roof as me.

I pray he always knows he is soo loved…and even though I know he must go….for just a moment…I wish we could go back and I could tuck him into bed….one last time.

Well, the last child in our family just had a birthday…so that means that absolutely every single person in our household has had to deal with Covid birthdays. I will say the May birthdays win it for the team since we were on lockdown.

At the time of this writing, our little community is being hard hit. Those that have it are still walking around carrying it to others and not wearing their masks properly.

I will say in the beginning I myself was unsure of masks. I kept hearing from the top down conflicting reports and so I quickly became a doubter. However, since May, I have been wearing one…but I refuse to wear one when I’m outside…unless I’m in a crowd of people.

This year has been a nightmare…for everyone. We are all sick and tired of absolutely everything. We are just plain weary. I’m tired of fighting and I’m tired of debating. I just want to operate my small business and allow others to do the same. If you are sick, stay home. If you have an underlying condition…stay home. If you refuse to wear your mask…stay home. There is now enough evidence out there I do believe they are helping…but they will not if you don’t wear them properly.

Today, we were able to celebrate my eldest child who will be 21 and I just can’t believe it. I’m so proud of all he has accomplished.

As soon as he was born I had to check to make sure that he had all his fingers and toes and that he was perfect…and he absolutely was.

He was a perfect baby…and I can’t tell you what a delight he was.

There are some children that are just special and both of mine truly are…but life sometimes calls us to so hard things. Life chose to give us a difficult hand… but in spite of that…we made it.

In life, there will always be difficulties. There will always be things that don’t feel good. What makes us get back up? What makes us keep trying? What motivates you? What excuses do you have and continue to make? What do you want to change? Sometimes in life when we struggle…we learn quickly how to make that situation work in our favor. The key to success is to take the lemons of your circumstances and not just make lemonade…but strive to go beyond that. If you constantly throw out the negative things that happened to you. You will only stay right there…that’s as far as you will go.

My little boy, gave me a reason to get up in the morning and keep fighting. I hope, he learned the same from me.

At 21…it’s difficult to see where he will go. Who he will choose, who will choose him. What career path he will take. This is the part of parenting that is hard. The part where we must be silent to many things and a cheerleader to even more. Give advice when asked, and keep mouth shut when not asked. Be supportive, but not manipulated…and continue to expect the best. Set the bar high…and encourage them to reach it.

Happy birthday to my favorite son! I love you!

Like everyone here in the Midwest, I’m very sick of covid. I’m so happy that we have had such lovely and warm days here lately. It has definitely helped with my anxiety. I don’t know why…it just has.

I was always hopeful that as an adult I would crave less sweets and always want to drink water and exercise…Covid has taught me that left to my own devices, I would surely spend it differently. I imagine I would be covered in candy bar wrappers and watching Netflix so much it actually checks in on me. Thankfully, my husband knows me well…and even though I may pout like a five year old lately. He offers me cream slushes from sonic…and what do you know!? I can walk four miles for a hike! I feel so much better when I get out and about and move around. My whole entire outlook changes. But I remain stubborn…and I want to sit in my corner…and try to forget what all is going on.

My joy for hand sanitizer, in the beginning was elated….now I find myself being critical of the runny ones and shaking my head like some cantankerous old lady. I find myself irritated at dried out wipes to wipe off carts and glaring at people who don’t have their masks over their nose. I find myself abandoning lipstick, because it just ends up on my mask anyway.

I no longer put my thermometer up…it sits out daily for me to take my temp twenty times a day. Because at least twice a day, I’m sure I have the Rona.

Events we were looking forward to for next year have already been canceled. My husband is trying to get me to book flights for events…and I’ve become like Eyore…”probably gonna be canceled anyway.” And so far….I’ve been right.

My husband has had to talk me off the ledge so much he should be certified in psychology. I have thought the end of the world was coming at least four times in just this year.

I finally had to speak with someone because I seriously wanted to crawl in a hole with my blanket and let the whole world just burn itself to the ground. I was pretty sure that was going to happen anyway.

Right now, all of us control freaks are having issues. Those of us, who are planners, are sitting around painting and decorating something…anything that will stand still. I liked to see what’s coming….and so far I could have not predicted absolutely anything about this year or next unless I was in a drug induced state.

The only thing we have going for is right now is those that have shown themselves with the memes….the memes have carried us through.

Today, as I was leaving Sams…I looked around at the town I lived in. There was masks everywhere…and on everyone. Still, I will say I was met with smiles. I have now learned how to read a smile with a mask. I was happy for each and every sales associate I met, they were kind and happy….which means they themselves have been treated that way thus far.

As I rushed to my parents house to bring them a microwave (theirs died today) I was grateful. Grateful that I live in a country where I can get a microwave immediately. I am grateful that I have so much food in my house I could feed a small city. Grateful for my car and my home and all the blessings that we have in our life. I’m overwhelmed with our community how they support small businesses and how they have supported us. I’m grateful for the people that I have met doing amazing things in our community.

So many things to be anxious about…and I’m right there with you. However, there are more things to be grateful about than anxious.

I just wish I would remember that….before I have to be brought back from the ledge. We can do this!!!

Today I got excited….second vaccine is showing promise….and then as soon as I got excited…the negative came back. Normal travel might be possible in the fall of 2021? I’m sorry, what?

Today, was a gorgeous rare warm day in November. The sun was shining…and we were all about it. I had to return some things and pick up some things…and I seem to be in denial that Thanksgiving is next week or that my only son, my eldest child will be 21….and I find myself all over the place emotion wise.

Everyone was out today…I think everyone like me, just realized that we are indeed having a holiday…and even though it looks different for all of us…we are indeed having Thanksgiving.

Every year everyone writes all the things they are thankful for…and I giggled to myself because I haven’t seen ONE thankful post this year…and I said to myself….same.

Right now, it’s a motivational speech to get me out of bed at 6:15 am…to then do all the things…and last but not least…how much makeup should I put on since I will be wearing a mask virtually all day.

I find myself exhausted with vaccine or not to vaccine ….mask wearers and the Ones who refuse to wear a mask. Customers that complain that we wear masks…and customers complain that we don’t do enough. People that think all businesses should be closed until next year…and the rest of us trying to make a living. UPS drivers and Fed Ex drivers and USPS workers already overwhelmed before the holiday season even begins. Talk of toilet paper shortages again…and I’m over it.

I am tired of no smiles when I go shopping….and people who wear masks do so wrong that they might as well not even bother.

I find myself happy to see hand sanitizer everywhere….it’s like a dream come true…and confused at why Walmart NEVER has hand sanitizer…seriously? Why???

I find myself longing for 2021, but then realizing that it will probably feel much the same…and that is when I realized why we all seem to be struggling.

When you go through a personal trial…there is no timetable. There is no set time for this period of pain that you go through to be over. It’s a personal journey that you and you alone must walk. The difficulty with the whole world going through it at the same time…is just that….the whole world is going through it.

If you ever wondered if misery loves company…here’s your answer. If you have ever lost big and hurt even worse…and you were mad when you heard joy as you wept for your pain…here it is. The whole world is suffering….and I’ve never felt more hopeless to help it.

My hands have been tied from what I usually do to end sadness and to bring those that wander back to reality. Those people I have lost…and maybe even forever. My job has been cancelled…joy has taken a back seat to survival..for me, I find that the two go hand in hand.

Even though this virus is so real and devastating to the vulnerable….I feel the healthier part of society is suffering in a different way. Our burdens have never seemed so heavy as we seek to care for the lost, the hurting, the diseased and the elderly. We are tossed in the middle…surrounded by those that fear everything and those that fear nothing. We are a generation with young children and aging parents that we have to constantly chastise for going out to play when they should be staying hone. We are a generation that is being pulled in both ends.

2020 was supposed to be a year full of promise and life changing trips

. Finally putting a stamp in my passport and achieving new goals I never thought possible….instead it’s been a nail biter…and I feel that we have been through somewhat of a battle.

If you like British television you might be familiar with the show Foyles War, which depicts life during WW II . There is one scene where they have found an onion and it’s going to be the prize of a raffle. They all pick it up and smell it…and imagine the tastes that will come because of it…and even though starvation is not on any of our minds….I know we long for other things. Laughter, contact, hugs and a normal way of living. Eating in restaurants. Going to the movies…and concerts and traveling. Airports that are full and busy and full of annoying beeps….it’s almost been a year since we have travelled on a plane and that is crazy for us!

Covid is not war…and I would never say it is…but I feel that we have all lost greatly…I feel as if we have all suffered…and that I imagine is what it must feel like to be a survivor of war.

Many of us have started decorating for Christmas…trying to do what we we can to soothe our souls and provide some joy in our hone. Meanwhile, I’ve already seen the hateful comments for that.

May I say this: I to, , used to Be one of those form believers in waiting until after thanksgiving…but then last year I changed it…and this year I did it even earlier. Game changer! Normally we have had always had a huge event that I’m getting ready for that we are not doing this year…and decorating early for all the craziness that is coming has helped my anxiety tremendously. For those of you who think you need to comment to those who have decorated….mind ya business. Because it’s a game changer…and I’m here for it!

May you be blessed and stay well!!!

Like every American right now….I feel a desperate need for hope and happiness that I have never felt or longed for in my country ever. As an American , I have always felt safe and content…and proud of my country. Now today, I weep as we seek more lost and alone than ever before. I’m tired of hearing the words Covid, election, and looting…I’m over it.

I voted, I did my part…and now…we all just wait. I long for peace. I long to see smiles on faces, and hug people. I’m not a hugger and even I long for it now. I long to see children’s faces and be in large crowds…but for now…that remains off limits.

For days….I have felt so anxious. Not sure what was happening in my country. I was grieving for my community as more and more people were getting sick…and finally….I just turned everything off.

I chose to choose hope. I chose to put down fear. There is nothing that my worry will fix or my anxious heart…it was only making those around me miserable. I have children…and I cannot make them feel that all is lost…all is NOT lost…or NEVER is…even though it very much feels that way. There is always hope in the darkness…you just have to be the light in the darkness.

So, I did what many of you have done….and I turned on the twinkle lights….two weeks early….

It is so easy to get caught up in the hysteria. To read the headlines and feel that we are all headed for disaster…but one day we will all look back on this year…and be so glad it’s behind us…but more grateful that we lived through it and all the lessons we learned.

As many things as Covid has ruined…there have been some bright spots…last week we were able to go on another outdoor Covid free adventure…

This is the year I have dubbed “simple pleasures” because absolutely nothing about it has been exciting…but instead has given us a front row seat to simple. To getting back to basics…to loving our homes and spaces and making them work better for us…and that can’t all be bad.

I encourage you to turn off the noise…embrace some twinkle lights…and get creative in how you share joy….and lets find a way to be merry once again!

I’ve written six blog posts..:and erased them all.

I’ve tried to set goals for things to accomplish during this time. Fitness goals, and personal goals. Home project goals and parent goals…and I have realized what many other people have discovered. I’ve discovered that I am the problem. I always was…and will most likely will continue to be.

So since I know myself…I’ve given myself a little bit of grace. Discovered what motivates me most…and learned that it isn’t at all what I thought it was

Back in March…when we all thought that by summer we would be back to normal..I was ok with some home projects, some creative thinking for outings. Then, reality of where we were and how we were getting there was brought to life…and I like you…kind of just gave up. I watched our nation burn and watched as people continued to hate…and I just found myself in a really dark place.

I am one that likes to make people smile…I need to do it not just for you, but for me. It has now been over a year since I’ve been able to do what I love. That doesn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. I have no idea how long it will be before I can don my red nose once again….so I have two goals…that I hope to have accomplished by February.

I was able to rent a ukulele, and this has thrilled my soul. I also have my juggling balls ready to go. I am determined to add this to my clown routine by the time we are able to get back out there. I cannot tell you how much this simple thing has lifted my spirits.

Today, I moved my plants around, hung some up in preparation for Christmas decorating…and just seeing how my plants are growing , encourages me immensely.

I was able to tackle a project that for eight years has driven me crazy in my home. The sheer anxiety that has now been relieved from me is unbelievable. How is it possible that such small inexpensive changes can lift my spirits.

Tonight I made brisket, potatoes, homemade bread and an apple crisp and I felt like a rockstar.

I went and picked out my couch (since the other one they tried to deliver was too big for our house). I found out that I won’t have my new one until after the holidays. When I didn’t yell and scream the salesmen kept repeating how much he appreciated that I wasn’t yelling and screaming. I asked him if that would make it come faster🥴. How sad is it that people are grateful because you just decided to be a normal decent human being?

Tomorrow is Halloween. We watched the movie “the Ghost and Mr. Chicken” sadly, we have never shown it to our last child…she enjoyed it. We didn’t carve pumpkins, because she wasn’t interested…she still hasn’t decided if she wants to go trick or treating one last time or not. This year is so weird…I just try to give people grace.

Today I was grateful for sunshine. Warmer temps. I was grateful for laughter as I heard my daughter laughing with one of her friends. I was grateful for food and a warm house and an oven. I was grateful for our store that our community supports. Grateful for employees that love us and made some people laugh today. I am grateful for my dog…my neighborhood. I’m grateful for my comfy chair to watch movies. My nice warm bed…and places where I can buy couches.

I’m hopeful for brighter days…but honestly I can’t look much further than a week ahead. Any further and it makes me anxious.

My sleep patterns have been off as I have laid awake with worry…which only accomplishes me being cranky and depressed the next day. I have found that negative thoughts continue and I come to conclusions that I never should come to, because I’ve thought the worst.

I will tell you that every American right now is worried. However, being worried will solve nothing, it will only harm me.

Someday. When I’m all grown up and quite old. 🥴 I hope to trust the promises of God. It is not that He promises life will be easy…but He does promise us that He will be with us. The answers of prayer He has given us so far…show me that He is for us. We are not forsaken. What more can I possibly need?

As I have become older, I try to make mental notes of things. Things I feel in my soul I need to remember. My dads hands. They have always impressed me…so strong. They could open any jar, fix any home project, build any fence, they could do anything and everything. This trip this week was about my dad…and why I was so upset that so many things went wrong.

It is not easy watching your parents age…and know that there is nothing you can do about it. How the roles reverse. You the daughter, now watching the father, to make sure he gets where he needs to go.

Asking him questions that he can no longer answer…and then the next minute he answers something that you yourself didn’t even remember the answer to.

My dad built two of our houses that we lived in growing up. He worked for over 40 years at General Mills. He worked hard so my sister and I could go to a private school and live in a nice house. He worked seven days a week, came home and worked on the house he was building. He then would build fences for horses and bale hay..those hands…they could do anything.

This past week everything that you can imagine to go wrong on a camping trip…went wrong. Flat tires and a broken water line, one of the mirrors on the truck literally flew off as we went down the road. The fishing poles broke (five out of five gave up the ghost) we bought new…no worries.

I’m not sure the last time you went somewhere with someone in their 80s….but there is a lot of repeating, lots of talking loudly…and early bedtimes.

However, I stood by the side of the river at a very early hour…and have some memories of them at their very favorite place that I now have as a memory…embedded in my mind…where I first saw my husband relax…and not think of work…

My daughter learned how to change a tire…

She also learned how to cast….did better than me I might add…

She watched her grandparents do something they loved….

She listened to repeated stories….and laughed as the smoke alarm went off in the camper while cooking….(because of course it did) she listened to her grandparents tell her parents a million times that we were going the wrong way…and she will forever giggle as she remembers how we got in our camping spot.

I will remember watching my husband and daughter help my dad do things he always has done…like clean fish…and fish. I will always remember those hands…and how he only loves his coffee one way…completely black…nothing added at all. I will always remember my husband and my dad chasing the spare tire down a hill and it going forever…(oh yes…that’s another story).

I will remember dad eating ice cream because that’s his favorite thing in the whole world…and I will remember how my daughter cooked for them and both my parents just loved it.

I hope my daughter saw the love her parents have for each other.

How our dog…could bring a smile to anyone…

How kind people were as we were stranded by the side of the road waiting for our help to show up.

This trip could be titled “typical 2020” but the good did outweigh the bad…it always does…if your brave enough to look!

Today, I actually felt like I was living in the Twilight Zone. If I just stayed off of social media and lived in the mountains I think I would be so much happier…but alas…I own a business and without social media…you are dead. So, when I answer questions or check on things I get sucked in.

Today, one of the prominent people that I follow and has a big huge booming business…went to pick her kids up in a unicorn costume…and girls…I can totally relate.

I don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to go shopping in my blowup unicorn costume…and I have one that I was supposed to wear at an actual function….

The thing is, I’m not sure that if I actually wore it that anyone would notice….I mean, I think everyone would keep on shopping and say…”yep, it’s 2020.”

I feel like we all have this dazed look on our faces…where we get out of the car with all the things…and clean off all the things…constantly…and try to follow the arrows…and then we all say “screw it, I forgot something three aisles back and I’m NOT following the dang arrows.” I’m happy to say that Sams finally got rid of them…we all basically quit paying attention.

I get overly joyous if I find Clorox wipes…and feel that I’ve hit the jackpot. I actually secretly hide these wipes under other things because I’m scared I will cause a riot and others will try to take them out of my cart…wipes? I said wipes.🤦🏼‍♀️

Not a lot of lipstick wearing going on I have to say…I think we was women are somewhat enjoying less makeup…

The new Phrase for being late…orders not coming in, something is unavailable….Covid. Car won’t start? Covid. Can’t understand math? Covid. Have allergies? Admit it…you go check your temperature every time and say to yourself…Covid…it finally got me.

The beautiful part of this whole thing…is I realize that I am NOT insane. I hear women way they run a business and homeschool and do all the things and they feel like they are going crazy…and can I just say….🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻. Thank you sooooo much! I used to feel like such a loser because I felt like I was losing my mind…and finally….I have people that “get” me. I realize none of you asked for this by choice…but hopefully you now get how hard it is to homeschool…and no this is not normal…even homeschooling gets a break…we call it co op…and we are missing it horribly!!!!!

I think right now I’m more grateful then ever for the distraction of the holidays….I think we will be seeing lots of parents dressing as unicorns…and who could blame us?

Embrace your inner unicorn…or whatever makes you smile right now!

Social media is overwhelming right now. Lately, I’ve become anxious and depressed because of all the negativity…so I have unfriended, unfollowed…and well…it’s something I’ve continued to do daily.

Saturday, as I sat at a campground I looked through one of my social media outlets…and was thankful. Thankful that I had taken the time to take the pictures.

I have adult children…and I have taken pictures of every single event…some big and some small…but pictures to me..are memories. When our memories fail, pictures help us to keep those events in order and how they happened. They are all we have when someone is gone.

My social media outlets are not well known…my followers are a few, the comments and likes even fewer…but I guess I don’t really do it to get thousands of likes…I do it for the people that say I make them smile. The people that say they enjoy my content. I do it, for the memories as well.

We all agree that 2020 has been the worst year…but I bet when you go back and you look at events from this year and memories you made, you cannot say it was a wasted year.

Projects I didn’t want to do but found the time to do, and new creative ways to do things are memories I will always keep from 2020. This year also taught me how quickly life can change..

I know that it’s hard for so many of us to be in the pictures. I have hardly any pictures with my youngest daughter when she was a toddler because I was the one busy taking the pictures. I was too embarrassed to ask someone to take our picture together..:and now I have no pictures of me with her hardly.

I changed that a few years ago. Even though I have gained weight and don’t look as amazing as I once did…I still want to be in the pictures . I want my children to have that picture and actual photo in their hand some day.

I know that many of us put pictures out and then erase them because we feel no one cares about what we do…but I promise you that someone does.

There is someone out there waiting to be influenced by someone like you. No one else can influence them the way you do..because you are the only one that knows how to reach that particular person.

I don’t have social media for all the thousands upon thousands that come through…because if I did…I would have given up long ago.

I take the pictures and share my life for the few that it encourages…but mainly for me. I keep it for me…because as I get discouraged in life…I look back through the pictures of my life. I know the long and twisted and scary road I’ve had to go down…and I’m grateful for every good thing I have . I forget those things…but pictures help me remember…and on days that I just don’t want to…those pictures serve as a saving grace as a reminder for all I have and all I need to be grateful for!