Author: jme71te

The older I get, the more I feel I do more things I wish I didn’t have to do….more than the things I want to do. Perhaps that says something really bad about me.

This week we have lots of fun things coming up…but since I’m not amazingly wealthy….I do the hard part. I have to do all the “things” to make the party work. It started several months ago when I planned the theme….and now I’ve cooked up this amazing decor that I’m now stressing about if I can possibly make it look like I envision.

Then after I have that done, I have my outfit to put together..:which for a 44 year old woman..:who is a size 8 and should probably be a size 6…I have waited to the last minute and have decided to seal my fate with online shopping…despite being completely disgusted with dress number one….and packing it back in its box for returns. If only I looked like the six foot model that had my dress on and looked so amazing. Alas, I’m five feet and two inches on my very best day and formals they do not make without a serious seamstress🙄. Apparently, they don’t believe that those of us who never grew after age twelve, have a desire to go to formal occasions. Alas, I like to live dangerously….and I think my second choice will be a winner winner chicken dinner.

After I pull this event off for two nights in a row with my amazing staff and hubby carrying us through…we have our first major holiday of the season…followed by a birthday and then followed by a flurry of decorating both home and store….and this….this is where I lose it every year.

I tell myself I’m going to go simple….but then three days later….I keep making more “touches”. Then in order to keep up with the “touches” I need to have a gingerbread house, and elf on the shelf, the advent calendar, don’t forget the extra parties! We also need fresh baked cookies everyday for home and store..:.then we all need to work out more….because remember our health is so important and we want to be there for our family members right?

Then don’t forget to make sure you have the perfect holiday card that must go out on December 1st to be recognized as the put together family!!!! And make sure it’s snowing to make it even more realistic!!!

Also… make sure you handstamp each and every card with a long letter making sure that everyone knows your children are amazing g, make straight As and have won all scholarships in all sports…and were asked to just pass through college and start saving the world immediately after graduation(if the world can possibly wait that long).

For just a minute….let’s be real….99.9 percent of us….actually try to accomplish all those things….there isn’t one thing I just mentioned that I haven’t actually tried….and now….there are a few things that I have learned and this is what I do:

1. Store bought cookies on certain days of the week can be found at my store. Most of the time they are homemade…..but I need a break every once in awhile.

2. I quit sending Christmas cards two years ago..:.because frankly, it was an expense with absolutely hardly any return. Perhaps that says something really bad about me…but I basically say…truce….truce to all my friends. With the beauty of facebook and instagram, I am able to see what your family looks like….and let’s be honest…do we ever read the letters???!!

3. I will continue to try each year for less is more in decorating….over the years I have gotten better with this….simply because I’m to busy to care anymore than the allotted time.

4. We still love gingerbread houses….but I buy them already together…..and I love the fact that my daughter is old enough to do this by herself or it’s a special time together with her and her Dady who is way more creative with that kind of thing then me.

5. I quit filling my calendar so full that I couldn’t breathe….I let my daughter sleep under the tree when she wanted in the living room….

6. Our advent calendar was from Hobby Lobby….a piece of chocolate and a scripture.

7. I made huge batches of cookies and then froze them, ready for consumption st any moment.

8. We didn’t have to have real trees anymore…maybe one if we so desired.

9. This year….Christmas pjs come the night of thanksgiving so that we all can wear them and think of each other while we are all apart (3 out of 4 kids no longer live at home) them wear them on Christmas morning.

10. We try to give gifts that are practical, one fun gift….and let our kids participate in blessing someone else.

I will not lie to you….the holidays are hard…and I’m normally dead tired. My favorite day is normally the 26th of December..:and my favorite month of the year is January.

This year….I’m determined to sing the carols (not Santa Baby….that song is horrible) and go look at the lights with wonder with my eleven year old. Make the season count for my college kids….and try not to drink my weight in coffee..

It’s on girls….let’s go!

Growing up, there were always the girls that I looked up to.  The ones that could voice their opinion with poise…and get their point across without getting in trouble.

I remember in college, I asked a question to my dear teacher who I loved and adored.  We were allowed to ask the question anonymously by note…and as she began reading….I realized instantly….she didn’t understand what I meant AT ALL! My heart was crushed.  The lady that I adored, revered even….thought I meant something that I did not mean AT ALL.

As I have grown older….that has followed me.  No matter how clearly I THINK that I’m presenting my thoughts….they are taken out of context….often.

I knew pretty early on in my life….that I was definitely….a girl that had to fix the messes….and let the girls that could lead….lead.  I became a buck….as in…the buck stops here…..not in….the male of the deer species.

I wasn’t the beautiful child, that the teachers loved….I was plain.  Plain long blonde hair, straight and stringy.  I was skinny, I was pale…and I really didn’t have a fashion sense.  I had freckles, and I burned easily.  I was loud…I was shy….I was funny….and I talked a lot.  I never understood math….from the very beginning….I learned to hate school pretty early…..especially math.

I loved reading, creative writing, and I adored handwriting and lunch.  I was a hater of naps, white milk….and a lover of taco day.  I hated kick ball…and told the boys so….I could make a boy go from a 1-10 in anger in 2.5 seconds….with my indifference of his wanting to win a kickball game….so much so…that I would frequently fake injury because I didn’t feel like running….I had no desire to win sports….or play four square….or basketball….in high school it wasn’t any better….and I made my PE teachers HATE me….many a PE teacher tried to give me a C….and I still think to this day….that PE was the absolute BIGGEST waste of time of my life.  Talk about a class that made you feel inferior in front of your other classmates….seriously…..they need to give it UP!!! All the words of discipline, and pushing of oneself….I took them all….in one ear…and out the other.

In college, I actually had my german teacher recommend me quitting (yep…for real) and was surprised that I got a degree.  Apparently, german teachers feel that if you don’t understand their language…you might as well go live in a zoo…because you can’t possibly be an intelligent human being.

I spent much of my life being told that I was stupid, being yelled at…and passed on by for other prettier girls.  Every single thing I got in college or high school….I completely earned.  You know when you study your butt off and get good grades? How about studying your butt off and you only get average grades??? That was me….and B student was the best that I could do….but I knew that life wasn’t all about grades….and it isn’t.  Oh trust me, I expect my kids to get all A’s….they are way smarter…but not because they won’t be a success in life if they don’t….but because I know that they can achieve them.

As an adult….I would say that life has knocked me down several times….I’ve gotten back up more times than I can count….and as I grow older….kind of tired of it…as most adults are.

I’m tired of the whining from the older generation as well as the younger.  On a daily basis…I have people whining to me from all sides.  Employees whining, family whining….everyone is whining…and I’m the one that if stuff goes wrong…I’m always the punching bag.

Can I just say that for all the “Punching bag” people of the world….I’m just a little beyond exhausted. A few tips for those of you who feel the need to use a punching bag person….bear this in mind. Starting off with the words…I’m sorry to tell you this…is a waste of air…your not really sorry.  After your done letting the “punching bag” people know every single thing that is bothering you….perhaps…asking them about their day…just might be an idea. Also helpful and should be noted….if you could possibly do this without being on your phone while asking…is actually…well…human.

Further more, giving them recognition…if only for a moment…would be nice.  For instance, to your wife or mother you might want to say the following: “dinner you have made for 300 days of the year was mostly good.  You keep the house clean, and clean clothes for me to wear.  You decorate nicely and take care of most home repairs…and decorating…and shopping.  You also make our store look nice, and the employees from going over in hours and the shifts covered and supplies filled….and social media running for our business page.  You also do a great job with volunteering….and homeschooling your daughter.  Thank you for taking the time to pay the bills and keep all the things going that you do.  Thank you for working part time outside the home….and trying to stay fit.  Thank you for teaching classes to other children…all the while…keeping everything afloat.  Thank you for basically having the life of “wac-o-mole” Thank you for doing the impossible and changing the toilet paper roll….every…..single…..time. Thank you for changing the hand towels, and folding the towels in weird ways.  Thank you for matching my socks. and hanging up my shirts…cleaning the bathrooms and my messes.”..Thank you…Mom…..because…really…..I’ve just described just about every Mom I know.  For all of this….we get a “you forgot this” and “MOMMMMMMM, this isn’t working” and then we feel guilty for 15 minutes sitting in the bathtub…as we hear clanging….and all sorts of things…while we just wanted a few minutes by ourselves.

So….dear punching bag Mother….I hear you….I feel you.  Coffee is my best friend….and leggings….and Netflix….and Antique Candles.  It’s why we all love Target and Starbucks…because…Moms…we need to help each other….and encourage one another…so we can be the punching bags to everyone else…

As I begin a new week…that is literally a play by play each day…I’m hear for ya….we will make it through these next crazy seven weeks….because even though being a punching bag gets old….being a wife and a Mom never will….I could do with a trophy….every once in while….but…I don’t want to be spoiled ya know!

So…my Dad gave us a scare last week…we thought he was having a stroke. My Mom is having some health issues and my sister is battling breast cancer….and…I felt I was juggling all the “things” pretty well.

Then, my son texts me that he thinks he has a concussion and then….he went to see the doctor and he does…and I’m just kind of undone.

I sat in church on Sunday….irritated….mad at God…I kept screaming at him “aren’t we good people??? And we still keep getting crap happen in our lives! Can we NOT get a break?”

He then reminded me of a blessing he had just given us this last week…but I’m so quick to judge…and demand.

Yes….I replied…yes.

Still, I sang not one word of worship….I read not one word of scripture….I sat there as a 44 year old woman….and had an actually pity party.

I was mad because of circumstances that were unfair…and people being petty. I’ve been annoyed at people driving horribly on the interstate and their lack of knowledge of acceleration ramps.

Lately, I’ve even been to annoyed to shop in actual stores (even though I’m pretty happy with the time and money it saves me with pickup).

I’ve been annoyed at my employees….I cannot seem to make them happy. Annoyed when I’m at charity events because I feel that people should GIVE more for crying out loud! Annoyed at Facebook postings, annoyed at family members…annoyed…

I even found myself annoyed at the moon tonight…seriously….the moon???

All I have wanted lately is to spend days and days at my home and never come out…never speak with anyone…never interact….not because I’m necessarily MAD at anyONE person….I’m just mad at the universe it would seem.

I’m tired of parents who hurt their kids, young men that kill innocent women because they broke up with them…I’m sick of watching the news and seeing everyone yell at each other. Who has the biggest insults? I’m tired of hearing the words “militant” and “rise up”. I’m tired of people asking for jobs and then not wanting to work for them…surprised that we expect them to show up. I’m tired of women who accuse others with no basis…they just say whatever they want…and we are supposed to believe them. I’m tired of people being able to ruin my reputation because they feel like it and can say whatever they want…even though it’s a ridiculous lie. I’m tired…of the shouting…the mean spirit…the selfish people…and ALL the movements.

I remember that the only time I heard politics was around the holiday table…and after everyone shared their opinion…we moved on…and ate with one another…and hugged each other….even though our house was divided…we were happy to be with each other because that’s what this country was…it was made for you and me…but now…

It’s divided and it’s cranky…and it watches the news far to much.

While at a charity event the other night, they were trying to raise money against human trafficking….and as I sat there….I was undone as I always am when watching that video….

What have we become as a society? Where life isn’t valued…and people want to take someone’s life simply because they disagree. Where we shoot each other because someone pulled in front of me. We honk at each other because someone is t moving fast enough. We won’t applaud another’s success because that means we didn’t get it. We refuse to lend a helping hand because what’s in it for me? We let our kids be babysat by electronic devices because we are to tired to even say no. We Medicate ourselves and drink ourselves every weekend….and all I can say is…for what???

What is your purpose? What is my purpose? Is it just to achieve wealth!? Things?

Every day I try and think about that…when I’m not getting mad…at the world like a small child.

I say…everyone turn off the news….have a real conversation with someone…and let’s all put our phones down…

Today I spent half the day at the hospital with my Dad. He had what they felt was possibly a stroke the other day so he got lots of tests and an overnight hospital stay. He wasn’t to happy about it…and who could blame him. Being tested and poked and pricked all day is not a day any of us would want.

I had plans of course…plans of Co-op…teaching etc…but people stepped up for me and took care of what was needed…helped get my child to classes as well….and as I walked by the other rooms…I did some thinking…places like the ER always do.

I’ve set in despair at an ER…told my first husband didn’t make it…after his car accident. I think everyone thinks how they will react…and let me tell you…I was numb…completely numb. Didn’t really manage to make any sentences…just kept trying to grasp the words out of the doctors mouth.

I’ve sat and waited as my toddlers fever went to 104 down to a normal rate…no ear infection they said…don’t know what’s wrong..

I’ve sat and waited on asthma attacks and I myself have been a victim of the ER when I broke my leg during a 5K (yes, I finished the race…just a hairline fracture) didn’t hurt until I STOPPED running!

As I walked to my car to go home and fix dinner for my family…strangely aware of what happens in that parking lot…panic…fear…despair…joy…praise…relief…so many emotions.

The list…the endless crazy checklist….the endless to do list…the school list, the things I’m gonna improve list…the things I’m gonna make, create, organize, decorate list…the ministry list, the cleaning list…the clean the floors to a crazy shine list…you know what list you have that makes you a mess if it’s not completed…and for me…usually, it’s all the lists that I just listed.

On my weekend away I had some time to reflect…time to think..:and some time to re-evaluate. It was kind of crazy…and every time I think about it…something even bigger than I imagined comes to distract me…and I’m not even kidding.

This year for Christmas…I’m actually going to try to enjoy it…I’m not gonna have homemade everything….and I’m not gonna feel guilty about it…I’m gonna decorate similar to last year….because last year I took it way WAY Way down…but I work in retail….and I have a secret to share….most of us….dislike the holidays….I didn’t say it was good…but we do. Most people in retail hate it because of rude shoppers, I can tell you…that’s not my problem. I have awesome and wonderfully sweet customers….but like my family….I like to go over the top with my store…making the holidays taking every single tiny bit of joy out of me…I’m literally so happy for the 26th of December…that it’s probably very wrong….and you know why??? Because I was trying to make everything perfect and lovely…my pictures actually made me tired…

We instagram and Facebook and Snapchat ourselves to death…and guess what??? I can’t compete with those with 108 thousand followers(and after the rude comments they get, I don’t think I want to!) so…I’m gonna take Er down a notch…nobody to impress…just here I am…take it or leave it…no worries.

I’m gonna do yoga twice a week , instead of twice a month. I’m gonna start running again. I’m gonna finish the books I have on my nightstand (the ones that help my spiritual life, not just the fun ones) I’m gonna finish my gem class…I’m gonna take spontaneous field trips (whoa, I’m getting out of control now)

What do you want this holiday season??? It’s upon us…it’s coming…what are you signing up for? The crazy train? Or the slow me down train? I’ve never boarded anything else beside the crazy train, so this will be an adventure!

All ABOARD!!!!

If this would have been a question for my 20 something self….the answer would be…feeling loved.  Feeling loved by the man I was dating, feeling loved by my friends…feeling loved by people I was around.

Now….20 something years later…the answer is a bit more complicated. The things that give me joy now…are probably things that would have seemed like punishment during my college years.  A quiet night at home…a nice nap, a clean house, fresh laundry….fresh laundry being put away….clean floors…fresh flowers….freshly made soap…a bed that is fresh and clean and made. A clean car, inside and out. My children when they succeed, when they accomplish their goals.  No dirty dishes in the sink, my appliances all working at the same time.  A nice day at our store….sales going well….employees doing well….husband happy.  Money left over after bills are paid.  A nice safety emergency fund…a fat retirement account….debts paid off…you all get the idea.

Today, I started making a list of things that I want to accomplish….and things that make me the happiest….I have one child left at home….and we homeschool….and the things that I want to do now….are not the goals that I had even ten years ago.

Ten years ago I had four children, some of those four, were teens, and I had a pre teen and a baby….survival of all of them was top priority….and I didn’t know what I looked like daily….but coffee was my bestie and so were track pants…and I wore them with all the gusto this Mamma could muster.  Soccer, basketball….drama, dance…all of the things….and then….they were all done…teen drivers…more worry….and now…its down to one….and for the first time in a long time…its time to reconstruct how I want the rest of life to go.

As I grow older…so do my parents….so things I knew that I loved and treasured…would have to take a back seat.  My charity groups that I enjoy visiting a lot….I just don’t have time for right now. Checking on my parents and making sure they are doing ok…has now taken over for that. My daughters education as she’s getting older, and different things that we can do…are now another top priority.  What sports and hobbies will benefit her the best? What can I influence her the most with? Baking and cooking give me great joy…but doing it for three people is a whole lot different, than party of six.

My store now has asked more of me.  More involvement as far as planning, decor, more education…more time there…more. Again, other things that used to bring me joy…have had to be rearranged.

Last but not least….me…..I’m not sure there are to many of us that want to take the time to take care of ourselves.  My legs and feet hurt more than ever…I miss running….I haven’t run in over six years….and yoga is calling me…but I rarely listen….its time…its time to take back me…

Just because we are involved in good things….doesn’t mean they are the right things.  For me, clowning gives me great joy…but I simply was becoming to exhausted to do it anymore….and it was showing…I wasn’t really doing a great job of it anymore….its time to take a backseat…show others how to do it…and sit in the shadows. I arranged our schedule for my daughter to be able to take the classes she most wanted….and drop the things that we just were not enjoying as much…(this did not include violin or math tutoring) those things are not going away 🙂

It did however, make me look at each class and activity she’s involved in and see if its something she really loves….something that I feel will give her support in who she is to become….and she is also aware that on those days that she has to work later and harder, because that’s the give and take of what we do.  You decide….but work still has to get done…course work must be completed.

I know several parents that have their children involved in lots of after school activities….and I will only say….what do all those activities do for the enjoyment of your entire family….and your child? If there are only positive things that can be said…then there is nothing else to add….this is an extremely personal decision.

I just know that for me….I can’t live with constant running….there are seasons…that life is going to be busier…but we cannot perform at that level every day.

What do I love? I love blogging, learning new things about our industry, getting better at making soap.  I love clowning, yoga, and running….and I love baking and cooking….and looking at this list….I cannot do all the things….I can only choose a few…so I’m choosing my family….and I’m choosing me….

With all the guilt that sentence brings me…I am….just because I’m leaving something behind that I love doesn’t mean that I cannot spread joy and laughter in another small way….it just means…that for now…for me to be a complete and whole and happy person…a little is gonna have to give.

Oh weary traveler….oh weary one that gives and gives and gives….its time to rest for a bit…I know who you are…I’ve walked beside a few of you….sometimes…we have nothing more to give for a season….its just a season….and its ok…to sit out a season…and drink in all the things that He wants us to learn, that we’ve been to busy to see….or hear…and drink it in….go ahead….rest…and be restored.

Last night I was on Facebook….and I ran across a post where a lady put on a group that I follow about trends that she dislikes.  It was refreshing, and somewhat freeing.  People were writing things like….I dislike stainless steel appliances (and even though I think she’s crazy….I appreciated her honesty) so I replied with my dislike of shiplap in modern houses….and more and more people commented on things they disliked…none of us were offended…even though most of the things being written…I disagreed with….but it was fun…it was like…the time you meet your friends for coffee…and you talk about things that drive you crazy about your kids or  your husband….you love them…but still….I mean, can anyone but me change the toilet paper roll?

Well….this evening….I went back to see what other people had included…and as you can imagine….it has been banned….with a reprimand….that basically those that like drama like that don’t belong in the group? What? because I voiced the opinion that I don’t like shiplap….I’m being told that I should probably leave the group?

Now first of all, the lady that runs the group has about a million followers (ok, she has 8,000) and she is totally the sweetest…..and I’m sure that she had all sorts of people that were whining to her….about this horrible post….but can I just be blatantly honest here people….we are pathetic….seriously pathetic.

If I can’t write on a public post….something about shiplap without people falling apart…just what have we become as a society.  Do you really care that some random stranger in the midwest….who will probably NEVER come to your home, doesn’t like shiplap? Is that knowledge really going to ruin your life…that some stranger has a differing opinion than you?

Now…its hate speech that we have decorating trends that drive us crazy…now we can get banned from a group because we said that we don’t like Rae Dunn….or macrame….who cares? How is that earth shattering? How is this even relevant?

Why don’t we all become clones? Lets just decorate the same…lets all buy the same things…and shop at the same places…and have no opinion about anything….because disagreeing with one another…now means I hate you and want only bad things to happen to you. I’m actually so mad right now….I can hardly stand it….seriously…

I actually am hating social media right now so much….you can’t say or do anything anymore….I feel paralyzed right now.  If you have a differing opinion than me….I’m totally fine with it….and you should be as well.  It shouldn’t bother you that someone hates stainless steel appliances….or Rae Dunn or shiplap…..you should do what I did….smile and laugh….and then write down what annoys you!  Agree to disagree…..but why remain silent…and why get all in a tizzy and basically reprimand me like I’m five and tell me and others that we don’t belong in a group because we are too dramatic??? My head seriously hurts right now!

Anybody with me….or are we to scared to say? UGH…..find a voice people….it doesn’t mean your wicked….if your nasty and mean about it….that’s a different story….but seriously…have an opinion…whether its popular or not!

So, about a month….maybe more….my sister called me and told me that we had yet again, another sister with breast cancer.  We now knew that it must be genetic and panic hit me.

My first sister that had breast cancer had two very aggressive forms of cancer that are estrogen fed.  My second sister has a very aggressive cancer as well and hers is stage 3.  She also had a double mastectomy and they found precancerous cells in the other breast that the mammogram didn’t even show as a problem at all.  So….again….me….panic.

This particular sister that has cancer…has always eaten well, took care of herself….and quite frankly….was the poster child for hippie type foods.  She was not perfect….but compared to this 40 something year old sister writing this…who would rather just have a cupcake with that coffee in the morning…she was WAY better than me.

My two sisters had their cancers show up at about the same age….and even though my first sister has been cancer free for almost six years I believe…its still very concerning.

I have decided that I do not want the test at all…I don’t want to find out if I have that gene….because I think that either way…I will think that I’m doomed…or have a false security that could change at any minute.  With my mortality suddenly so changed….its caused me to look at life way way differently.

First of all….I’m somewhat a simple girl….not so simple that I could live in the teeniest tiny house with just the necessities and nothing else (but boy wouldn’t that be less stressful).

After my son moved out and went to college…the purging of this house has been on a whole new level….if we haven’t used it yet…when will we….so away it goes! Its been making me second guess everything.  Why do I feel the need to constantly buy new and more….and why do we waste so much money on eating out?

I want to go sailing on the weekends with my husband, and my daughter and my dog.  I want to watch the sun rise and the sun set.  I want to experience smelling the ocean, and experience a Broadway play.  I want to swim in the ocean again…and I want to see all my friends that I haven’t seen because we have been to busy.  I want to perfect my favorite hobby and be one of the best clowns there are (crazy I know).  I want to get all my jewelry certifications and be able to go to jewelry shows and know what I’m talking about.  I want to be able to make the forgotten laugh…and the disabled dance with me and smile like they have in the past.  I want to make every moment count. I want to sit around and enjoy every speck of life….I don’t want to waste it with being consumed about how perfect everything in my house is.  How many followers i have on social media….and if  Better Homes and Gardens is going to do a tour of my home (don’t get me wrong that would be AMAZEBALLS) but very unlikely!

I just want what everyone on this planet wants….to make every moment count…to know that when your time is up….that you made it count….you were in it…to win it.

Oh my goodness! It’s been a ridiculous amount of time since I have had time to write….I fear this post…might just seem ridiculously long…and have lots and lots of ups and downs and “turn aroundie thingys” as I always like to say at the “roundabouts”.

This summer has been full…its been busy.  I have lived at our store quite a lot.  We had vacations to cover for, for our employees, and sickness, and training of new employees…and it just was a bit insane.  We did swim team (which was a wonderful time) and horse riding lessons (which we are still doing) and well…we just had busy days. We prepared my son for college as best as we could….he was just ready to go…and realized after he was at college that maybe he should have taken ol dear Mom up on her shopping trips….but we all think we are amazing when we are 18 don’t we? He’s getting settled and loving college life….and stressing about grades and classes…and all the good things he should be stressing about.

When my son left for college…we were both ready.  He has been gone a lot from home for at least a year.  His Senior year was spent with track, and orchestra and football games, and work…lots of work….so really….I hardly ever saw him anyway. Last year consisted of scholarship prep, getting ready for college and wrapping up Eagle project, and lots of other things…to have that year behind us, is quite frankly…..a relief. I waited up late lots of nights…waiting for him to get home from work….we argued about curfew, we argued about his car, cleaning his room, cleaning his car…washing his clothes…spending eternity in the bathroom…Note: our water bill is now significantly less :).  He WAS READY TO GO…..and frankly so was I.  It was just that time in our relationship, where all of us need to just make our own decisions…and let the dust settle where it may.

My favorite days….are like today….when he called me and talked to me for about ten minutes (that is a treasured amount of time) He wanted to ask my opinion….and for me…frankly….nothing could make me happier.

Are we raising our kids to be completely paralyzed….so much so…that they cannot make a decision without us helping them make it? My eldest stepdaughter when she was getting ready for college, she told us about kids who wouldn’t even fill out their scholarships….they made their parents do it?????  I didn’t fill out any scholarships for any of our kids.  Nor did I register them for college, take care of their transcript info, decide on there meal plan.  I didn’t choose their major, their classes, their computer, nor did I register where they would live.  I didn’t take care of his summer welcome…or how to pay his bill.  He did it all….and that’s how I was raised.  Don’t get me wrong…I nagged at him to raise his ACT, asked if he had any scholarships, nagged him to graduate with honors….and nagged him to get his Eagle Scout….and nagged him to save money.  I was also the “only Mom in the world who charged her son for car insurance and cell phone money.” 🙂

For college, I did purchase his comforter, towels, television and all his things to make him comfortable at school….and then I told him….that would be it…besides a care package every once in awhile….he was on his own…period.

When it doubt of your parental skills….ask yourself this…What is it exactly that you want for your child? Do you want them to be able to make friends by themselves? Or is that something you need to be involved in while they are at college? Do you want them to be able to purchase a football ticket, if they would like to go to the school game? Or is that something you feel you need to help them with? Do you want them to be able to wash their own clothes, or come home to you every weekend? Do you want them to be able to move their car from the parking lot on game day and be able to find their way back to the dorm, or do you need to help them do that? Do you find it acceptable to give them a meal plan for over $1,500 to belong to a special club….or do you realize that is not reality, and if that’s something they do want to do they should be able to work for it themselves? Do you feel that when they move into the dorm that it should be like a Pottery Barn Teen makeover….or are you more comfortable with Ikea or Target?  Do you feel that Starbucks every day is a need or a special treat? Do your kids know how to get themselves out of bed each day and shower, feed themselves, and figure out they might need to clean? I ask this….because these are questions that my sons classmates are asking….and my only response is…to feel just a wee bit better about how I raised him.

Oh I promise you, he’s messy…and we did get him up his senior year twice when he almost slept too late.  We made him pay for his car when he had a wreck, and we made him call the doctor and hair lady for appointments.  I’m not a perfect parent….and whatever mistakes he makes at school and his adult life…are all on him…and whatever successes he makes…those are all his as well.  I’m only asking that we as parents…try our hardest to make our kids independent.  Trust me, I wanted to run down to his dorm room and organize everything….but instead….I made some suggestions…and we were done in his room in 45 minutes.  He put his clothes all wrong (and it was KILLING me) but I let it be.  I made sure he knew where everything was….and just like I knew he would…he went and bought something I had already gotten because he couldn’t find it….but now he has even more trash bags….so yeah!!!

So, the question is….are you raising a snowflake….or a kids that can make his own decisions without having to be helped every single step of the way? Its so hard to not do everything for them….but we must fight the urge!

Good luck!

I came home from our business trip pretty pumped….I was excited about our business and all that we were doing.  I was excited that I picked out rubies that my husband liked and bought…I was excited that it seemed that I was finally getting it….

Then, reality hit….my son is moving out…he will never live in this house the same way ever again….and even though I say I’m ok with it….part of me really mourns that his childhood is over…..but I was taught to be tough and not cry…..so I continue to stuff it. I got home and the thoughts of all the purging we have to do to his room and the school room….and all the stuff….is kind of sending me over the edge.

Then Kate Spade…..and then it just hurt….down to my soul….and then the more people I talked to….the more they felt the same way….and I realized….I had to do something.

I have been taking a break from clowning this summer….because i just needed to help my husband with the business and I needed to get my son off to college, and I needed to get my daughter going with swimming and horse riding and violin and math tutoring….and all the things….I needed to finish painting in my house…..and get the planning done for promos for the fall for our business….so….many….things!

What I had forgotten to include….is the thing that gives me joy….the thing that motivates me….what gives me strength….what gives me motivation…..and so….I’ve been planning some things….and we will see what happens! I will keep you posted!

I also….will be very soon making soaps again….I have a huge order of supplies coming….

I keep hearing everyone talking about how we all need to talk to each other about what is going on in everybody’s life to see how everyone is feeling….and while that is true i will tell you that when I am down…..I don’t really tell anyone.  When I’m frustrated with my husband and my children etc….I rarely tell anyone….when I’m ready to scream because it seems that everything that is happening is falling on my shoulders….I don’t tell anyone.  I don’t write this to you to tell you that I’m about to hurt myself….I just know that I’m not the only one that feels that way……I’m aware that not everyone is going to stop and tell each other that they are hurting….and I have found for me personally….the best way for me to get out of my funk is…..

and right now….I’m just about ready to lose my mind….its been two months since I’ve had the opportunity to make someone laugh and smile….and I really really need it….its medicine to my soul.

If your feeling down….and beat up with the world….then….I encourage you to find something that gives you joy….and gives back to the community in which we live. It doesn’t have to be the ridiculous clown that I am….but something…..because the joy I feel when I do it…..is better than any single brownie or ice-cream treat I could ever give myself…..or shopping spree etc.

Have a blessed day….and may we all be able to deal with….the funk 😦

There are several people that I grew up with that are a little skeptical that I do what I do….others aren’t surprised at all.

I didn’t ask for it..and in the beginning I wanted nothing to do with it. It was a direct calling…I would even say it was a divine intervention…. and if you ever go with me you would see how God uses people who don’t have a lot of talent(like this clown)…in amazing ways.

During the school months, I like to clown at about three different places each month. I have different characters and games already planned out before I go. One of the places I go to, I have some friends that go with me and if I’m lucky enough I am an important clown and get to be chauffeured!

When I get up it usually just takes me about 45 minutes for the transformation. I usually like happy conversation, no yelling…..and my favorite part every time is when I get to put on my red or pink nose…every single time…

When I walk into a room I’m always nervous….even after all this time, when those faces start smiling at me….it’s all worth it right there.

I love the rolling of the eyes of some kiddos until I’m able to show them my pet cat aka “skunk” named Stinky😁. Or do some other fun games and then I can win them over.

I’ve had ladies and men, children and teens tell me things that they would never tell anyone else….because it’s like I’m not real…I’m a fictional character…I look ridiculous,..and they are no longer intimidated. Wheelchairs no longer matter, or bald heads….deformed arms, or eyes that can’t see…..all that matters…is my red nose.,,and a magical world that I can take them to for a brief moment…and they can forget …about all their pain…and I’m more than happy to do that and suffer a little discomfort any day of the week….clowning is my release…it’s what gives me strength…it’s what keeps the dark clouds away….

So if you see me in clown….smile or laugh at me….pet my pet cat stinky…and help me name my elephants….aka as mice🙄 and wait until you try my slinky!!!🤡🤡🤡