The Reluctant Red Nose

My husband and myself have been working on an empty nest for awhile…the first one flew away around 11 years ago. We got used to that…and then the other one flew about a year after that. We then had a few years to recover…and about five years…my son flew the nest…but with college, we had four years to get used to it. Then last year he went off to Chicago…hated it…returned close to home…then flew off to DC. Now we have two in DC and one here that we never get to see, and one at home.

I knew I would struggle with my last birdie. It would be a whole lot easier if she was a difficult child. If she was hateful or rude and mean…but she simply isn’t. She never has been. She has her moments…but they are few and far between.

A few weeks ago she went to camp. She was gone for four days…that is it…and I missed her horribly….

Next week I go away to clown camp. This will be my third time going. I haven’t been for six years. I hope that this time will be a time of tremendous growth…and being able to push past my fears. However, I find myself homesick for my husband and child before I even leave…and I am not sure how I will get through an entire week.

My new schedule has begun…where I have two days off each week…and for the first time in a long time…I am well aware of the warp speed in which time is going….

These are the times…I want to remember each thing that passes through my hands…

Instead of waiting for the weeks to go by and marking them with “exciting and worthy” things…I want to remember the “everyday “ things. The way sourdough bread feels in my hands. The way Ellianna loves to smell bread baking or muffins. The afternoon phone call from my son…texts from my husband.

The barking of my dogs at the deer in the back yard. The ding of the bell of people coming into my store. The changing of seasons. Nothing quite as beautiful as the beauty of summer into fall.

Life goes by so quickly….and I feel it even faster now….I have three small years left with my youngest….and since I’ve been there before I know exactly how bad this will feel…but this will be far worse…because…she’s the last one…and if I’ve done my job well…she will fly as high as her siblings…and that has to be enough…

I am tired at the thought.

I know I never deserved her….she was the answer to every prayer I ever had. When my heart needed one more baby…a girl…with curly hair and blue eyes….and she has been all the things and more I have ever prayed for. My children are a huge blessing to me…and they both are my greatest accomplishments.

This word is said a lot….and is misused quite often. It has taken me years to finally even understand what it truly is. First time I experienced anything close to this was when I first met my first husbands family. I went into full blown panic attack. My heart was Racing and my hands went numb….that’s not what this is.

Second time was when I was pregnant with my son and we were on a hike and I absolutely freaked out about heights….like I froze where I was and my family had to hold my hand like I was four. I couldn’t rationalize anything…just felt complete terror.

I have had more of these occur when we fly to places where we have extreme turbulence. My husband reminds me to breathe because I get hot and sweaty and my hands go numb…. Normally fine by the time we get to our gate…but it’s touch and go there for awhile….

However, the last several months I have just been unable to relax. Irrational fears have taken hold of me…so much so that I am having such a time with just enjoying life.

The last four years we have weathered an enormous storm…I feel that I was in “survival” mode. Now that we have gone through the tremendous tribulation…I find myself in some sort of PTSD …

For instance we went camping the other night and all I could fixate on was how our family would die in our camper….

I have no idea why…but that’s where I am.

For the last two years my work schedule has been insane and I’ve had no time for clowning, homeschooling my daughter, the gym, friends….I’ve just been working…and my husband and I agreed this could not go on any longer…

So now I’ve been getting ready to enjoy a new schedule, and able to make appointments and look forward to happy things. Not that my work wasn’t happy but when you own your own business it’s very stressful. When I go home I don’t have the luxury of turning it off… always thinking about it…

Lately, everything seems impossible and I have no reason why…

The only conclusion I can come to is that Satan is doing his very best to steal my joy. To rob me of my peace. To steal my energy and joy I can bring to others. To distract me from my children….and he does this by causing me to fixate on things that are not anything to worry about.

God has proven again and again and again…that He takes good care of me..and He knows exactly what I need.

So for now….I pray…I read scripture….I meditate on the blessings….

Thank you Lord for all the blessings.

Believe it or not this was our 12th visit that we have been going to one of the worlds largest jewelry shows in the country…and I must tell you that pretty much everything seemed off about this trip.

It wasn’t the first time we have taken our daughter on a business trip with us…she knows the drill. It wasn’t the first time I have taken my midwest body to the desert….but you would certainly think that I’ve never been on a jewelry trip…nor have I ever gone to the desert.

We arrived in Vegas last Thursday night around midnight Vegas time, making that around 2 am our time. We were exhausted. Uber decided to be super high, the hotel we stayed out didn’t have their act together. Even though I had already checked in and was supposedly just needed to check in no contact…all 10 no contact key holders were empty….causing all 15 of us to wait in line for our keys….to say we were all annoyed would be an understatement.

Finally to our rooms which was very clean and beds were comfortable. This was our second time staying at the Mirage…and we have never had an issue…this time I wasn’t terribly unhappy but housekeeping didn’t happen the entire time we were there and I think you can blame that on Covid changing everything for good…and I found it quite annoying…still the Mirage hotel is gorgeous….

Day one of the JCK show found us with unbelievable lines….the worst we have ever experienced….

Finally. We got in!!!

To explain JCK is impossible….it’s huge, tons of security, tons of police….I feel very safe.

The first day brought us to one of our biggest vendors….

Because I like to get a lot done I decided to forget to drink wanted and waited way too long to eat…..sadly my body gave out…and I had to be walked back very slowly to my hotel…and then rehydrated and ate and slept…missing the entire rest of the first day….

Second day, we seemed to be gaining a little ground….much more productive….

We finally seemed to be gaining ground….until the 16 year old lost my corporate credit card, which led to a dig in the trash…and then a call to the credit card company….nothing gelato couldn’t help.

Then we headed to Tournament of Kings…which was very well done…and everyone had a blast!

Then came Sunday….where my Ellie got sick…and we had to do a lot of things without her.

However, we did find a new bridal line and some other fun things…..

We got some new things from our current bridal line and some a lot of fun things that we will have in store soon!

On our way home our flight was delayed until the next day….they overbooked our flight…they paid for our hotel and transport to hotel and back to airport….Ellie was still sick so this was hard when you just want to be home. Now Mark and I are sick and Ellie is better (which we are grateful for). She has missed swim all week and her swim meet today….next week we hope to be all better. Vegas this time wore us all out….but we did get a lot done!

Next weekend….camping!

For the last three years I have asked to go away for my birthday. I don’t need things…I just want time and adventure. This year, I asked for my kiddos to tag along. My son will probably be nowhere near us next year and Ellie will probably be very busy with a job and her friends etc…

So, this year I chose the same town…Harrison Arkansas but a different location….

We also had some amazing hiking….

On my actual birthday we traveled home…but my son and daughter brought me a crown…made me laugh!

We got home and celebrated with cake and ice cream of course…

Today. Went to work….

Was loved on at work….and Louie found his fave spot….

I then went to clown for two different classes at a local school. They asked me to come back for end of year celebrations and since yesterday was my birthday I decided to celebrate in clown fashion….

Then I ended my day here where I practiced for church music on Sunday….

We only have a short time on the planet….what will you do with it?

Life has been crazy as it has for everyone. Since we got back from Antigua, we have had a hard time catching our breath.

The first thing we seemed to battle was the weather…it has been freezing…and yard work was put off for a good long bit.

We first celebrated Easter, which was a beautiful day!

I had one night of clowning which I misplaced all my balloon pumps and balloons so I had to improvise 🥴

We then got ready for Ellie’s first prom. When you are a homeschooler you can go to prom in 9th grade…

Then we had violin recital….

Then we had a rather large party where I worked my birthday off to get the back patio beautiful…to which we had a wind advisory the hour everyone got to the party…so that was awesome.

Then we went to visit my Dad for his 89th birthday….

After that it was time to celebrate with Ellie’s friends that she is turning 16….this coming Monday…the day after Mothers Day…

And now we go through lots more adventures which I hope to do better with keeping everyone up to speed!

So we had to leave extra early today, due to all the processions around town. Since we left so early we were able to be at the airport from our hotel in 45 minutes. When we got here last Sunday they had processions and it took us over two hours to get to the hotel…so that’s why we left so early. Even though spending this many hours at the airport is a bummer it is better than missing our flight completely.

In Guatemala City, they will not even let you in the airport without showing your passport first. We are flying American and they have been very sweet and kind thus far.

When you leave Guatemala you must fill out another form to exit…they stamp your passport again…and their security is not as strict as US…not as much yelling. For now…we wait. We sleep, we eat.

I will offer this word of warning….don’t think that cutesy sandals are a good idea. Antigua has cobblestone streets and they can be difficult to walk in. My favorite pair of shoes to wear were my new ones called Hey Dudes, which I sware is my absolute favorite shoe to travel in. I also brought my hiking boots. I also had a pair of my running shoes. I at first thought that perhaps I should have brought my Teva Sandals but there is a lot of dirt around…and I just don’t like to be that dirty.

We are headed to Miami first before we head home…with a four hour layover…but with going through customs this provides a bit of a cushion because you never i kw what you are going to get….

Guatemala has the most uncomfortable chairs in their airport. Most of the people here speak English…they are very used to us non speaking Spanish people.

I hope you visit Antigua it is a beautiful city, one we are sad to leave…which says something about us for sure. Yesterday we just went and got souvenirs and tried to take in as much as we could of the city….

Goodbye Antigua….we love you!

Well folks….last day is here..:how that happened, I do not know!

We had room service again this morning…doesn’t cost more and before we fly we like to be cautious. This is the reason I booked this hotel…because of the safety concerns, and this hotel is very careful.

Today we went to get things to take back home…and it was a lovely time…

One of our favorite things we like to do is collect art. Since our daughter is an artist..we know how much work goes into these paintings.

Unwanted a nice painting of the arch….

Mark never let’s himself buy much…but this painting spoke to him….

Tomorrow we begin our journey back….then back to reality….but Guatemala has a special place in my heart…love you Antigua♥️♥️♥️😘

Today, we started off the day with Room Service…and it was lovely…

Then we headed to a coffee farm…which in the beginning, I admit…I thought we had been kidnapped…because that’s what my mind always jumps to…kidnapping and killings.

We took a short van ride with another family that was from Austria and their son had moved here to teach English…they were lovely people.

We were introduced and thankfully our interpreter came😬 yeah!!!!

It was an exceptional visit…and we enjoyed our lunch together. We were so happy to have wonderful coffee to bring home!

We got up very early on this morning to begin a hike. We were picked up in front of our hotel around 6:16.

The day started with a breakfast bar and a fabulous cup of coffee.

I had requested an English speaking tour…but for the first time on this trip …I did not get that. Thankfully there were two English speaking interpreter on this trip and they explained things to us….obviously I will have a conversation with the company…all of our other tours were in English as I had requested.

The hike up to Pacaya is not easy…but you can rent a horse if you like for about 250 Q for up and back down. The hardest part for us was back down. I am 48 and work out about twice a week…and an in decent shape…my husband is 10 years older and works out about four times a week…we were in the middle of our group and sos not slow anyone down…

The climb was moderate….but worth it! Our guide stopped several times along the way.

It is an hour drive up and an hour drive back and the entire van was snoring on our way home…the van dropped us off at our hotel.

We then showered and took a long nap…/‘s then we enjoyed a nice dinner at our hotel…we were wanting some vegetables and our hotel is very safe to have these things.

I also wanted to remind you that in Guatemala most of their sewers cannot take what ours do in the US. On our hike to Pacaya you cannot flush toilet paper…our hotel you can. It will be posted clearly what you can and can’t do.

As all beautiful days begin in Antigua….a beautiful nod to coffee….

There is a cafe next to our hotel where they have Spanish lessons and beautiful people and amazing coffee.

Today we had a tour guide named Moses who took us around the city….if I had to do it over I would have booked him for Tuesday…we would have gotten around better. Antigua is perfectly safe…armed police everywhere. I felt safer here than in my own home town.

We went to several different churches, learned the history of the city. Visited a jade market…looked a little bit at coffee trees…and went to a Mayan Market….

Moses, our guide. Then introduced us to Eric, who drove us up to the Hill of the Cross. He waited for us and then brought us back down. This used to be unsafe to go to without a guide. Lots of petty crime. Now there is a police presence there and lots of vendors if you fancy some snacks….or pretty much anything you can imagine.

It was a beautiful day!

Word of warning: do NOT drink the water…we have only drank the water at our hotel because it is purified. Do NOT eat the lettuce or any fruit or vegetable..that would be washed in their water. Avocados are fine. When you order a hamburger tell them no tomato or no onion, except when you beat at Wendy’s (which we did one day) also do NOT get ice in any drink. You can have hot tea, or lemonade… I have personally had lots of lattes and Cocoa-Cola. We also have bought a lot of bottled water.